What even was John Kasich’s sweaty, affronted, whatever-happened-to-the-responsible-grownups-in-this-party act if not an even more insulting and ahistorical version of “Make America Great Again”? When was the last time the Republican Party had responsible grownups? When it sold a needless, catastrophic war in Iraq on the promise that its people would greet a foreign occupying army with roses and parades? How about when it torpedoed the federal government because the seating chart on Air Force One hurt Newt Gingrich’s feelings? Or how about when it propped a senile apocalyptic Hollywood stool pigeon in the White House for eight years and spent the following 25 pretending he was Jesus Christ? Or, oh, could it be when Richard Nixon wiretapped the entire Northern Hemisphere to see if he could catch the Kennedys making fun of his working-class mannerisms? Get the fuck out of here.

John Kasich was the biggest clownfraud in the most clownfraudulent campaign of my life. I hope a steelworker breaks a fucking beer bottle over his head.