It's not about your feelings.

Make her as comfortable, and engaging, as much as possible. Or stay away. Sorry to say that but it's hard enough without wondering what your worried about.

My mom has it. She gets special treatment.

Getting out for a bit of enjoyment in a supportive environment can be helpful and can lead to finding a local community of support.

http://www.withalittlehelp.com/blog/seattle-alzheimers-cafes-lead-local-momentia-movement/


http://www.alzheimersatoz.com/public.html.alzheimersatoz.com/National_Registry.html

of information in interacting with a patient. Conformations can be difficult for both parties, the best is to attempt to divert the attention from the current subject to something else, they are confused, don't remember the facts and honestly they can't help their reaction. Who has to change, those around the patient, you. Yelling and telling them they are wrong does not help. Learn to communicate, get the person's attention by having eye contact, don't talk from their rear, you don't get their attention. You have to walk away or learn to calm them, my thoughts are with you.

My dad had it for the last two years of his life. It was especially painful to me as he was not only my dad, but my mentor and friend too. As he first began exhibiting symptoms, it unnerved me and was very frustrating. I came to realize though that whatever discomfort I was exeriencing was trifling compared to what this intelligent, witty, kind, and loving man was experiencing. I made it my mission to just be there for him, and never took anything he said personally.

Best wishes to you and your family as you cope with this difficult time.

My mother did the same thing - as she started losing her memory, she got VERY defensive and if we would try to help her with something, she'd lash out with "You think I'm losing my mind, don't you. I'm NOT!!" Some times she'd accuse of of stealing from her and threatened, more times than I can count, to call the police. She did call them, once, on a poor plumber that she was sure she had paid, but hadn't. Fortunately, when I straightened things out, he was very understanding. And she started talking about a 'secret plan' she had, that she wouldn't tell us about, but we would be shocked when it happened.

She was just starting to not recognize people, about 6 or 7 months before she died. But she always recognized me. Which was funny because with her being an extreme right wing conservative, and me being me, we didn't have the best relationship because she only felt comfortable around people who believed what she believed.

It is such a strange disease, though. The last time we took her to the neurologist, she didn't recognize my brother, when asked to identify him (He was living with her) but when the doctor asked her who was President of the United States she didn't hesitate in her answer - "I don't remember his name because it's kind of funny, but he's the black one."

But a few months before she died, it was like she had an epiphany and started apologizing for things she had done to upset us, in the past. And she became very docile and sweet. When the end came, it was shockingly fast.

I am sending you some very empathetic hugs.

Mine had verbal abuse toward me, kept trying to regain access to drive her car though she had been told by her doctor not to, became docile toward the end and went downhill fast.

Didn't think so.

She's in the worst part of it right now, still self aware enough to realize it's starting to slip away. The harder she has to work hanging onto what she has left, the more frustrating it gets because it's all starting to go.

You can't take anything she says personally. If she starts getting upset, take a step back. Yes, a real step. Then close your mouth and let her talk until she runs out of gas. Don't try to calm her down. When she's done, ask her if there's anything she needs.

This sounds simple but it's really counterintuitive and it's not easy to do.

Trust me. You'll miss these times when your friend progresses to where my Mom is now. Bed ridden and almost completely vegetative. It literally brings me to tears to see her this way.

My wife's Grandmother lived like that for nearly 20 years, before passing. The thought that my Mom might also is heart wrenching. The thought that she might not is also heart wrenching.

Her disease is taking her over. And it will only get worse. Alzheimer's is not something that goes into remission.

And if she has early onset, it will probably progressive even faster than it does with old people.

My mother-in-law had it, and she got sufficiently unmanageable that she was asked to leave an adult day care program she was in. Fortunately, the family had the financial resources to hire full time care at home for her in the last months of her life.

I have an acquaintance who is only 50 and who has it. In the relatively short time I've known her, the progression is obvious and steady. Her parents, both in their late 70's, are taking care of her now, but they seem unwilling to acknowledge that it is almost inevitable that at some point, and probably much sooner than they realize, they will no longer be able to do so.

I am so sorry for what you're experiencing. But keep on telling yourself, that she can't help it. She really can't. And losing her memory as she is, is probably very scary to her.

Never argue with a person whom has that condition.

Never as in just don't ever. Don't even disagree with them if they say it snowed last July.

My mother had it. I took care of her for 5 years until she died of unrelated pancreatic cancer. The medication the doctor gave her slowed the dementia a lot. She never lost knowledge of who we were, but she did lose one of the most intellectual minds I've ever known and she also had a sharp wit that was a delight.

I will be overjoyed when they find a cure for it. No one should have to go through it or watch their family members go through it.

Some memory problems. The biggest problem is balance, actually, and falling. She is living with us to keep her safe, yet she is in denial particularly of the degree of her disability. She has blamed us for "keeping her prisoner", she still believes she is capable of driving, though her declining eyesight, sense of smell, hearing, combined with some paranoia and confusion would make any independent outing impossible. Plus, incontinence.

Her sense of reasoning is impacted, and she is ripe prey for telephone scammers, who have gotten thousands of dollars out of her on lottery scams. We had to take away her credit cards and checkbooks, she still tries to secretly order more. She is only 77, but looks 90 or more.

for five years. Started with memory loss and progressed to down right meanness. Compassion and lot's of humor worked for us. Just had to watch out for the flying bedroom slippers. Tell you what,the people who work for or at Nursing Homes,for the most part,are angels and the stuff they have to put up with,they are special people.

I've never know anybody with it but everyone is getting older so I want to be prepared.

It really sucks.

had it, what's referred to as "the long goodbye." She started getting, at first, forgetful then, after a few years, dementia started. This process started in the early 90's, just after my grandfather passed away. In the end, 1SEP2001,she said nothing and was completely bedridden.

Someone called Alzheimers "a slow-motion catastrophe", and it's true.

My sister used to be a vibrant, cheerful, intelligent, generous woman. She was also a Vice President of a national company (whose name you'd immediately recognize).

She is in an Alzheimer's care facility and when I visit, I do all the talking. She is so flat-aspected from the drugs that I don't know how much she even takes in. She doesn't even remember that I've been there, according to her daughter.

It is so painful to see her in such decline. I feel so sorry for anyone else who has dear family members with this awful disease.

Don't bother to argue with a person suffering from Alzheimer's. Nothing is gained by arguing, since the person no longer has the capacity to focus on the details or implications of the issue. Don't even argue if they are saying things that are obviously not right, like what day it is, or what they had for breakfast.

Of course if you are doing actual caregiving, you sometimes have to convince the person to do something they don't want to do, but it doesn't sound as if you are in that role with your relative.

So save yourself and her a lot of aggravation. No more need to argue about anything.

But it hurts so much to see my relative screaming at me, saying I "think she's crazy."

I used to love that giggle she had.

I don't hear it any more.

but I can offer a hug (or a few) ...



Hang in there!

Here's a return hug.

The anger will pass.

Just go where they are. Never try to set them straight or fix the facts. Let her lead the conversation. Just be in her moment with her as best you can.

It seems to happen in my wife's family. Both her grandmother and mother. I'm not sure but sometimes I think I see early signs in my wife. So far some small short term memory loss seems to be happening more often. Sometimes you can calm them down by changing subject. If you switch to something they still enjoy or have enjoyed before will work. My wife's grandmother would think there was a person in her house. We found out it was a mirror. Took that out. She would move stuff and think someone had stolen it. Do you have any pictures of her and others. That seemed to help.

My wife step mother is going through this right now. My father in law and his wife lost their business a year ago so we moved them into an apartment out in town next to us that we are paying for since SS is not covering enough for them to live.

I think my wife's dad is partly to blame. As bad as that sounds he was in denial and enabling her behavior. She refused to see any doctors until it became so bad that she now needs 24 hour care from somebody. She cannot walk on her own anymore, and prior to that she refused to walk with a walker or even a cane. All the while her husband encouraged it. Now she is so far down she has trouble with incontinence, and just getting from the couch to the bathroom is now a huge endeavor.

I wish there was some sort of support group out here as I would love for her husband to take her. If not for her, than for himself, as his only reason for ife now is taking care of her he has let himself let his health go down.

The memory loss at this point is not the biggest ailment. When they come over for dinner it is a constant battle keeping her sitting. I know she wants to help, but if she was to get up and try she would fall. She has had 5 really bad falls in the last past 6 months to where she needed to be brought to the hospital by ambulance. Its a terrible disease, it not just affects the person, but everyone around as well.

And the same thing happens, he gets angry and defensive when he's reminded of something.

When you think of it from that person's perspective, it helps to realize that they're absolutely terrified in moments when something they should know is gone. Are they being lied to or cheated, or is it just another sign that they're losing it? They genuinely don't know.

She is not argumentative at this point. She is rather passive and quiet. I visit her about an hour every day at her assisted living apartment and take her out for coffee on the weekends. It is very difficult to deal with, and just like anyone regardless of their health, she has good days and bad days. One good thing is that I never run out of things to talk with her about because I can tell her a lot of things which I have talked with her about. She mostly just listens. It is very weird, some days I almost forget she has it. At this point she can pretty much take care of herself, just needs reminders to come to meals and go to the other activities they have for her. I love her dearly and it is heartbreaking. But I know she is safe and not in any physical pain.

If she is not in an assisted or memory facility and she has the means to be in one, I would strongly urge everyone involved to make that happen as soon as possible.


Peace

I can't imagine going through something like that.

All I could do was stay quiet, and let her rant and scream.

It just hurts.

The worst part is even in their bad health, both her and her husband chain-smoke.

She was actually very calm and fairly happy but she had a lot of things going on healthwise so there was that.

One thing my brother was really good at was talking to her about older experiences in life; older memories that she could easily grasp and pull up and talk about, like when we were kids, dating my dad, high school friends, etc. It always seemed to make her happy to talk about that stuff. Maybe you could try that with your relative?

She "remembers" things that never happened.

He lives with my sister and is becoming very angry and confused, to the point of being abusive.

And my sister reports he watches Fox all day and night. And loves Trump.

He died in January of unrelated cause (heart failure at 86).

It was onset about a year or two before I lost my husband.

What was funny? I met him in November 2011. He had not spoken for about a month. The night I first went to Italy with my then fiance?

He started speaking: In English! He was pleasant - just because someone could speak with him. They figured out that he couldn't find words in Italian. If you spoke to him in English or French when he would have these incidents - he was fine.