Capricious God Violently Shakes Ant Farm Day After Bestowing Orange Slices Upon Colony

APPLETON, WI—Less than 24 hours after their god bestowed two delicious orange slices upon them, local ants reported the capricious deity had picked up the entire ant farm in which they live and shaken it violently, leaving many to wonder what they had done to incur the all-powerful being's deadly wrath.

"Yesterday, when we received his bountiful gift of sweet fruit, we thought we had pleased him mightily with the tireless labors of our digging," worker ant #103 said Saturday as she helped to rebuild the underground passages and chambers the vengeful god had completely decimated without warning. "But now he has laid waste to everything we, his followers, have erected to his glory. Why? Why has he done this to us?"

"Must we dig in different directions, or perhaps dig even longer and more complex tunnels?" the ant continued. "He has given us no clear sign, no indication of what he wants from us! How does one please such a fickle god?"

The deity, whom the ants know as "Marcus," has long been feared for his volatile and arbitrary behavior. Though he occasionally grants the insects small gifts of sugar water, sources said he routinely abandons the ant farm for days at a time, which sows chaos throughout the colony as hunger-driven hysteria rules its tunnels. Marcus has also been known to smite individual ants by concentrating the sun's rays into deadly beams with his mysterious lens of fire.'

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the rest:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/capricious-god-violently-shakes-ant-farm-day-after,28532/