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Zorro

(15,740 posts)
Tue Nov 8, 2016, 12:17 AM Nov 2016

5 States To Decide Whether To Legalize Marijuana Or Continue Honoring God

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of their respective ballot measures before casting their votes, citizens in five states are set to decide tomorrow whether to legalize recreational marijuana or continue honoring God, sources confirmed Monday.

“Constituents in California, Maine, Massachusetts, Arizona, and Nevada will have the choice tomorrow between advancing their pursuit of a godly life by adhering to Christ’s teachings and experiencing the glory of the Heavenly Father’s word, or allowing themselves and their neighbors to lawfully smoke marijuana,” said political analyst Kevin Phillips, who explained that while the advantages of passing these measures, such as bolstering the local economy and reducing prison overcrowding, could be substantial, they must be closely compared to the benefits of living in the light of the Divine Creator’s everlasting love.

“After years of grassroots movements, voters will finally make this momentous choice for themselves: They can either permit adults over the age of 21 to use cannabis without legal consequence, or they can continue living in accordance with He who has made us in His own image and receiving God’s grace forever and ever.”

At press time, the latest polls showed that the legalization of recreational marijuana and acceptance of an eternity of hellfire for forsaking the Almighty could potentially pass in all five states.

http://www.theonion.com/article/5-states-decide-whether-legalize-marijuana-or-cont-54608

17 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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5 States To Decide Whether To Legalize Marijuana Or Continue Honoring God (Original Post) Zorro Nov 2016 OP
Science or God? What a choice. iemitsu Nov 2016 #1
There is a question I'd like to ask all pious assholes Warpy Nov 2016 #4
Yes, one wonders. iemitsu Nov 2016 #5
I live in WASHINGTON state cilla4progress Nov 2016 #2
I read all the way down to the link before I realized it's satire. Aristus Nov 2016 #3
Me, too! GWC58 Nov 2016 #8
put your hands in the backs of your radios, brothers and sisters... mike_c Nov 2016 #6
God says, "I'm voting for weed" Warren DeMontague Nov 2016 #9
One toke over the line Sweet Jesus Mendocino Nov 2016 #12
What The Heck Is He Talking About? ProfessorGAC Nov 2016 #13
Genesis 1:29 anarch Nov 2016 #14
Just wondering, Doc_Technical Nov 2016 #15
Of course, here in Oklahoma, we only get to vote on god, no weed vote for us. CBGLuthier Nov 2016 #16
If God didn't want us to use cannabis... Calculating Nov 2016 #17
Dec 1969 #

Warpy

(111,277 posts)
4. There is a question I'd like to ask all pious assholes
Tue Nov 8, 2016, 12:29 AM
Nov 2016

from the ones who mutilate women to the ones who declare some plants illegal: "does your god make mistakes?"

It seems their god does blunder much of the time and needs his believers to clean up after him.

One wonders why they bother to affect piety.

Aristus

(66,391 posts)
3. I read all the way down to the link before I realized it's satire.
Tue Nov 8, 2016, 12:29 AM
Nov 2016

I tell you, the wingnuts out there, and the legislation they promulgate, you can never tell...

GWC58

(2,678 posts)
8. Me, too!
Tue Nov 8, 2016, 12:54 AM
Nov 2016

I thought it was "the real deal" until I saw it was from the Onion. It did sound like something the "holier than thou" wing nuts would say, though.😳

Mendocino

(7,495 posts)
12. One toke over the line Sweet Jesus
Tue Nov 8, 2016, 11:31 AM
Nov 2016

One toke over the line

Sitting by the Jordan River rolling doobies all the time

One toke over the line

Had a blunt with sweet sweet Mary

Hope the pizza comes on time

John the Baptist likes bong water

He drinks it all the time

Oh no here comes Officer P. Pilate

Wants to bust JC with a crime

So I'm just waiting for the second coming

Burning one to pass the time

ProfessorGAC

(65,078 posts)
13. What The Heck Is He Talking About?
Tue Nov 8, 2016, 11:50 AM
Nov 2016

That comparison could be made to nearly every ballot initiative. How convenient.

anarch

(6,535 posts)
14. Genesis 1:29
Tue Nov 8, 2016, 11:54 AM
Nov 2016

"And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat."

just sayin'

CBGLuthier

(12,723 posts)
16. Of course, here in Oklahoma, we only get to vote on god, no weed vote for us.
Tue Nov 8, 2016, 12:04 PM
Nov 2016

Seriously, we have one SQ to remove a clause in our state constitution that limits money being spent on religion. Meanwhile, the medical marijuana initiative was stalled by the asswipe AG and will be on an upcoming election.

Kind of a shit deal. Citizens get enough signatures then the AG rewrites the question so it barely resembles what was petitioned for and after the legal wrangling too late for this election. Shenanigans as usual. Fucking shenanigans.

Calculating

(2,955 posts)
17. If God didn't want us to use cannabis...
Tue Nov 8, 2016, 12:12 PM
Nov 2016

He wouldn't have put it here. Religious people against cannabis need to do a little critical thinking.

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