Donald Trump's College Loan Repayment Program:

This will be announced on January 22, two days after the inauguration:

All people who are in any way delinquent in repaying their college loans will be conscripted into the military. After training, they will be used as ground infantry troops in the wars Trump plans to start later in 2017. Those who survive will have their indebtedness reduced by 10%, subject to negotiation based on deportment during their military service. Poor deportment while serving will result in loan balances increased by 27.8%.

Note: Interest will accrue on loans until the full term of service is completed, but will be forgiven upon honorable discharge. Those who do not complete their term of service will have 90 days to repay their loans in full. Those who fail to do so will be imprisoned and will work on infrastructure chain gangs, alongside the rest of those who have been imprisoned for being in the country illegally or being an unemployed minority mail in inner cities.