More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Trumpageddon Looming Edition

I posted my last one of these lists on November 8th, when it looked like Hillary Clinton was going to easily win the election and we'd have four more years of growth, sanity, and peace. Well, she did win the election, by almost three million votes, but of course mass numbers of stupid people in just the right states, combined with our archaic Electoral College system designed with the limits of Eighteenth Century communications technology, with the help of Russia and our own FBI director, doomed us to a thin-skinned, tiny-fingered vulgarian instead.

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Well, one last go before we all get sent to the super special classy reeducation camps. Because I'm one of those people for whom humor is a coping mechanism for being scared our of my gourd.

(No. 27 in a series)

All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* Barack Obama's decisive wins in the popular and electoral votes in 2008 and 2012 don't mean he had a "mandate", so Republicans were right to try and block his every proposal at every turn, even when they were things they previously supported. Donald Trump, despite losing the popular vote in 2016, does have a mandate and every whim of his should be quickly and unanimously adopted whether Democrats approve of them or not.

* You hated the Electoral College when it looked like Barack Obama was reelected without getting the most votes (even though it turned out he did). You love the Electoral College now that it's given the presidency to Donald Trump despite Hillary Clinton getting almost three million more votes than him.

* Crooked: Hillary Clinton something something emails.
Not Crooked: Donald Trump's hotels advertising themselves as a great way for foreign diplomats to curry favor with the new president

* The emails of the Secretary of State and university police departments should not be secret. The emails of the Governor of Indiana should.

* Cracking down on hoax and fake news sites is a conspiracy against conservatives.
Maybe if they didn't post so much fake crap as news this wouldn't be a problem...

* Counting every vote accurately is an assault on freedom

* A supporter of Donald Trump can call anyone else "a self-serving egomaniac who puts himself first, who has a chip on his shoulder" with a straight face.
(Yeah, I know, "takes one to know one", right?)

* The Electoral College not rubber stamping the Presidency of the guy who got the second-most votes would be "undemocratic".

* Worthy of eight Congressional investigations over four years: something something Benghazi something something emails. Not worth of Congressional investigation: Russians hacking that may have affected an American Presidential election.

* Hillary Clinton was too corrupt and "crooked" to be President. It's okay if Donald Trump just ignores laws that inconvenience him.

* "Dictatorial" = Designating national monuments
Not "Dictatorial" = Declaring a President-Elect the "New King"

* "One person, one vote" is undemocratic.

* Refusing to simply rubber stamp a Republican president's extreme Cabinet selections is an unacceptable "unprecedented break with tradition." Refusing to even consider a Democratic President's Supreme Court selection for an entire year is okay.

* You were fine and dandy with the Senate blocking Barack Obama's Supreme Court nominee for an entire year, and threatening to block Hillary Clinton's nominees for an entire term if necessary, but are outraged that Democrats are even suggesting blocking anyone popular vote loser Donald Trump nominates.

* You hate pornography because it's responsible for making sexual assault seem "normalized". You eagerly voted for and support a man who loudly bragged, on tape, about committing sexual assault and facing no consequences for it.

* The Affordable Care Act and Obamacare are two completely separate things