Tragic.

a person you know takes their own life. So sorry for her friends and family.

A young man where I work committed suicide a few years back. I didn't know him well and, in fact, had only met him a few weeks before when we worked on something together. But I'd just talked to him a day or two before and he was such a nice, personable young fella. It left me with a very empty feeling that hung around for several weeks.

This must be so much harder for you, knowing this woman so much better. I guess when things like this happen, all we can do is feel the feelings and wade through it 'til you get some peace.

I'm so sorry. Sending hugs.

I don't know if you are familiar with him, but he developed "non-violent communication" (aka "compassionate communication&quot .

Moments of sharing in which we recognize our common humanity are at the heart of all transformation. The process of non-violence communication is designed to help to create such moments. Here are some quotes from Marshall. Not sure why they feel related to your experience, but FWIW:

When we hear the other person's feelings and needs, we recognize our common humanity.

Imagine connecting with the human spirit in each person in any situation at any time. Imagine interacting with others in a way that allows everyone's need to be equally valued. Imagine creating organizations and life-serving systems responsive to our needs and the needs of our environment.

All violence is the result of people tricking themselves into believing that their pain derives from other people and that consequently those people deserve to be punished.

Because on top of the actual loss there can also be accompanying feelings of guilt for not realizing they needed help, anger and betrayal over the person taking their own life and then more guilt for feeling angry.

In your situation and it being in the workplace there may be something that can be organized to channel the grief and create something positive that can help others. There is an annual walk across the country to support Suicide Prevention called "Out of The Darkness" walks. One of my children lost a friend to suicide when they were just 14. We participate in a walk when we are able to. It really helped in the grieving process. Here is a link to the webpage for more information.
http://afsp.donordrive.com/

Thank you for honoring your coworker by sharing her story.

And I have lost co-workers and family members to suicide.

A couple of things to know: What stops someone from committing suicide, or what fails to stop someone, isn't always easy to understand.

I realized my brain was trying to kill me. I didn't know how NOT to collude with it. And it got so very tiring, so exhausting, to fight against it.

What I "knew" was that I couldn't connect to anyone, couldn't share with anyone, couldn't tell anyone- they wouldn't understand. They might despise me more than they already did. They might lock me up. So I had to act normal.

Very, very normal. I told jokes. I shared somewhat-apocryphal stories of my nice weekends in the breakroom on Monday. I agreed that the teevee-series-of-the-season that everyone was following was getting better/worse/weirder and the star was sexy/funny/cool. I attended meetings, shared vacation plans even when I knew I wouldn't be around to take the vacation. It was a grand facade.

It wasn't anyone's "fault", I blamed no one for the pain, except maybe whatever cruel Deity had given me a hellbrain that wanted me dead.

What stopped me was someone who knew, because he also had a hellbrain, and he also lived with the constant choice of managing the pain for another day, or checking out. And day after day, he made the choice to live, because he'd found help. He shared that with me.

And now I share it with others. And I am grateful for my mental illness and what it's taught me. And I do my best to help people understand that mental illness is a challenge that can be part of anyone's life, and that there are resources and tools to help-- and one of the most important is connection with other people who don't think mental illness is equivalent to "weak" or "evil" or even "crazy."

Maybe that will be useful for you and your colleagues.

Be kind to yourself. Take your shock and your regret and your sorrow and use it to build a bridge.

soberly,
Bright

Thank you for sharing.

I've got more than forty years experience "acting normal" and that's what makes these illnesses so dangerous. (My own brain veered off the "normal" path in adolescence.)

I'm so good at acting normal that I talked my way out of the hospital the first time I crashed last summer and crashed even harder about a week later. I was a little mad at the hospital at first, why didn't they see what a mess I was??!! but now I can tell myself "how could they have known?"

I'll tell the story someday, I like to tell stories about my misadventures, but this one is still cuts a little too close.

My new meds seem to be working, but that's another terrifying aspect of my illness; it's that my ability to judge my own mental state is often the first thing that flies out the window.

It helps me in more ordinary times to know I'm not alone in these experiences, but even this understanding goes away when I'm at my worst.

In our culture there's this notion that being strong (in other words not being weak) is an effective way to deal these illnesses. But people who haven't experienced the "hellbrain" don't realize the strength required just to survive each day. I'd rather suffer physical pain than hellbrain, and sometimes I've punished my body with obsessive running and the like just to feel pain that was "real." And now I live with real pain everyday too because my knees and hips are shot. I was wrong to dismiss that pain in my head, the hellbrain, as something "not real." It's every bit as real as the pain in my knees and hips

Sadly, like many other dangerous diseases, mental illness can be fatal.

Your advice is good, and your story important.

Thank you.

First and foremost, to you.

You're the one living it.

That's the day to day victory- living your story.

Stick with it.

You matter.

appreciatively,
Bright

I have only peripherally known a few people that took this option. It is horrible. No matter how much you think you "know" someone,there is always a lot we don't know behind their public persona. As sad as this, I thank you for posting, an important thread.


Peace

Also wish you the warmest thoughts I can on your endeavor to make some positive change out of this situation. What you are experiencing it's tough, be sure to forgive yourself a lot, take time, process. It's not easy to heal from grief, but day by day it happens. Thank you for honoring your coworker in your actions, stay positive.

All I can say is, just let yourself feel what you're going to feel.

How sad.

It absolutely sucks and it is hard to imagine but you MUST realise that there is nothing you could of done that would have impacted her desision. Don't blame yourself.

Oh and....Hugs.

I immediately went to his desk (his cubicle was right next to mine) and found a couple of momentoes to remember him by. A weird-ass teddy bear was one of them.

Anyways, I'd recommend you get something physical to remember her by, if.possible.

I lost my son to suicide in 2007 & attempted myself in 2009.
Big hugs