Wednesday F*****g News!

WEDNESDAY'S FUCKING NEWS
Your Daily Fucking Planner - Feb. 15, 2017
Noon — Joint press conference with Pres. Fucking Trump and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu at which Fucking Trump is asked zero questions about Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu
4:15pm — Pres. Fucking Trump speaks with Argentina Pres. Mauricio Macri to inquire about their extradition policies


FIVE QUICKIES
An environmental group is suing the Trump Adminisylum over its refusal to protect endangered bees, which would have qualified as grounds for impeachment two months ago.
Senate Democrats want to push back Scott Pruitt's confirmation as Environmental Protection Agency administrator so they can evaluate his secret emails, which would have qualified as grounds for impeachment two months ago.
Austin's mayor is pleading for help from the Trump Adminisylum to fend off an invading horde that has thrown the community in a panic and disrupted life there with its immigration raids.
Pres. Fucking Trump has successfully created new health-insurance jobs by blocking the Aetna-Humana merger--which would have led to "redundancy" layoffs--which was called off due to "uncertainty" about Fucking Trump's plan to fuck up health care.
A shit-ton of Democrats helped confirm wrestling millionaire Linda McMahon as head of the Small Business Administration, which may count as grounds for impeachment two months from now.


TRUMP-FREE BRIEFS
The Heritage Foundation is pushing a plan to slash funding for disaster relief, which would reduce government's ability to respond to the other disasters the Heritage Foundation is pushing.
Flight cancellations and baggage fuckups fell to record lows under President Obama last year, which would have counted as grounds for impeachment two months ago.
Senate Republicans on Tuesday introduced a bill to eliminate the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau as part of an overall effort to eliminate consumer financial protection.
Utah’s assault on public lands has prompted a threat from companies that sell outdoor gear to move their annual trade show from Utah, which would also allow them to meet somewhere other than Utah.
The already endangered Monarch butterfly has been devastated by extreme winter storms that are in no way whatsoever related to climate change.
A new report shows that a long-coveted, long-stupid plan for a gold mine in Alaska is a stupid fucking idea, and after digging into the facts exposed a rich vein of stupidity that runs through the idea that you can mine for gold in Alaska cheaply and without ruining other shit that, hey, is also worth something.




Word of the Day
Kremflynn
krem•flihn (proper noun)
The historic center of Russian government, located until Monday in Washington, D.C., and now probably in Alexandria or some fucking place.
Ex. "Mr. Trump, are you running the show for Russia or what?"
"Of course not. I'm just a Potemkin Village. You want the Kremflynn. Right down the hall."

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