Obamacare: Welcome to your starter home! It's pretty good for your first one. I mean, there are some things you kind of wish were better. You got a variable rate loan, which seems to go up a little every year even though the house isn't getting any nicer. So that's annoying. Truth be told, it's a little outdated, a little awkward in places, you might call it a little ugly. But basically it needs a bathroom/kitchen refresh and a new coat of paint. If you did the updates and refinanced into a fixed-rate mortgage, it would be a pretty nice place to live for the next 10-20 years.

Medicare for all/Single Payer: Oh yeah. It's The Forever Home. Wouldn't it be amazing? Plenty of room, all the updates done, fixed low rate mortgage. You know you would LOVE it. And there would be tons of equity once you own it - it's a great long-term investment decision. If you've got some extra cash and want to get fancy you could also buy a vacation home or maybe a boat! But even if you could never afford the extras, you'd have a solid and functional house forever. Unfortunately, you just couldn't quite get the down payment together in 2010. Maybe 2020....

Republicare/Trumpcare: Look. Your starter house is ugly and it doesn't work that well. We will do you a favor and bulldoze that ugly old starter house. There. You're welcome!

But, we know you might need a place to live now, so here's $2 to rent a tent. We'll make it $6 if you are getting too old to sleep outside! But you should know that we have eliminated any standards around tent quality, so your tent might have a lot of big holes in the ceiling.

What's that? Even horrible leaky tents cost $200 a month? Well, maybe you shouldn't have bought that iPhone... But anyway, we strongly suggest that you start renting your leaky tent now. If you wait a year it will cost $260/month. And if it's starting to rain when you decide to rent it, make that $750/month. If you are old: $1200/month. Also, if you are already wet when you try to rent it, the rental company may choose not rent you a tent at all - no company wants water inside their tents, you know?

But don't worry. There are a few shelters around here that will let you stay for up to 24 hours. So, if you couldn't afford the $200-$1200 tent with the $2-$6 we gave you, and you end up getting really wet, we suggest you go to a shelter and hope they can dry you off a bit before you have to head back outside. It's possible they will send you a huge bill for this service, though. Can't be sure.

So America, those are your choices! Do you A) Keep the starter home with the ugly kitchen, ideally invest in some renovations and a refi, B) splurge for the forever home, or C) pay a company to bulldoze your starter home and trash your equity in favor of a super expensive, leaky, rental tent?