Absolutely nothing this daft shitcan has said or done in his lifetime would suggest that he’s anything but a bile-filled Muppet whose only valuable skill is walking in the direction his name is being called the loudest. But every time he says or does anything, (some) people want to act like he’s motherfucking Rasputin. As if he has any thoughts circling through that syphilitic skull of his other than golf, pussy, and bigen. As if he doesn’t have the attention span and impulse control of an infant squirrel dipped in a vat of Mountain Dew. At the time of writing, there are roughly 134813274894 different theories circulating today about why he decided to bomb Syria, when the most likely one is that he had some really good waffles for breakfast at Mar-a-Lago on Monday, and really liked the maple syrup, and kept saying “That was some really bomb syrup.” And an aid was like “Excuse me, sir? You want to bomb Syria?” And he was like “Yeah, I want some bomb syrup.” And now Syria is bombed, and Trump just fired that aid for not bringing him any more syrup.