Welcome to DU!
The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards.
Join the community:
Create a free account
Support DU (and get rid of ads!):
Become a Star Member
Latest Breaking News
General Discussion
The DU Lounge
All Forums
Issue Forums
Culture Forums
Alliance Forums
Region Forums
Support Forums
Help & Search
General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsIvankas Notes for the Babysitter
Source: The New Yorker
Hi Sarah,
First of all, Jared and I cant tell you how grateful we are that you were available to babysit for us tonight on such short notice. When Alexandra called in sick and recommended you, we knew youd be super. Jared is very honored to be receiving this years Friend of Friends of the Enemies of Israels Enemies Award, and would have been devastated if I couldnt attend the banquet with him.
...
Donald is seventy. His normal bedtime is two or three in the morning, but dont worry, well definitely be back by then. He can watch Fox News as much as he wants. If he starts yelling at it (smh), just ignore him. The kids are used to it and their rooms are soundproofed.
But heres the most important thing: There is to be NO TWEETING AFTER 9 P.M. When you tell him that, hell yell stuff like People have said that Im a tremendous tweeter!; Its only eightall the clocks are fake!; and Im not tweeting, Im sending a text message to 26.4 million people! Dont bother arguing. Just make him hand over his phone. If he whines that youre being very unfair, remind him that if I find out hes been bad hell be sorry.
Sometimes, while he watches Fox News, he has really brilliant ideas, and he thinks he can just command you to execute them. Three weeks ago, he told Alexandrain a single nightto order a team of skywriters to write ISLAM SUCKS above Kabul; to use eminent domain to have the government take over Hollywood; to have the Pentagon require all U.S. servicemen to wear Trump ties and Trump combat boots; and to get Eric started on a Trump combat-boot line. Alex promised shed look into it in the morning. Of course, by then hed totally forgotten about everything
Read more: http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/ivankas-notes-for-the-babysitter
InfoView thread info, including edit history
TrashPut this thread in your Trash Can (My DU » Trash Can)
BookmarkAdd this thread to your Bookmarks (My DU » Bookmarks)
6 replies, 8187 views
ShareGet links to this post and/or share on social media
AlertAlert this post for a rule violation
PowersThere are no powers you can use on this post
EditCannot edit other people's posts
ReplyReply to this post
EditCannot edit other people's posts
Rec (57)
ReplyReply to this post
6 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight:
NoneDon't highlight anything
5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Ivankas Notes for the Babysitter (Original Post)
demmiblue
Apr 2017
OP
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)1. ROFL!!
Stonepounder
(4,033 posts)2. Is this supposed to be a joke?
Sounds about like what Ivanka was called in to do.
InAbLuEsTaTe
(24,122 posts)3. LMFAO!!
jls4561
(1,257 posts)4. All too true
Kath2
(3,076 posts)5. LMFAO!
TygrBright
(20,762 posts)6. Terrifyingly credible. n/t