More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Blooming Idiots Edition

April showers bring May flowers...and speaking of blooming, lets take a look at the blooming idiots of politics in our latest look at conservative doublethink

[img][/img]

Huh. He seems shockingly coherent today.

(No. 28 in an occasional series)

First, a couple of updates:

* "Radical Islam" are magical words of power--If the President of the United States says them, Daesh and Al Quaeda will all stop fighting, disarm, go home, and become conservative Christians and believers in Jeffersonian democracy. (From #25)

* Whether or not Hawaii is part of Kenya, It's definitely not part of the United States

All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* You spend the entire campaign blasting Hillary Clinton for using a private email server while conducting government business. You now use a private email server to conduct government business as a member of the Trump administration

* You raged at Barack Obama "apologizing" for America and not touting "American exceptionalism" enough. You have no problem with Donald Trump saying America's no better than the former Soviet Union, currently run by an autocrat who murders his enemies with polonium.

* Being too racist for the Federal bench does not mean you're too racist to be Attorney General.

* You insisted that the Supreme Court should be understaffed for a year rather than let Barack Obama nominate a Justice, and threatened to block any nominee of Hillary Clinton should she have been allowed to assume the Presidency, but are livid that Democrats are threatening to filibuster the Supreme Court nominee of popular vote loser Donald Trump.

* Dangerous breach of National Security: A Democrat with her own email server. Not a Dangerous Breach of National Security: A Republican talking about national security issues in front of diners at his mansion.

* Real Christians(TM) let poor children starve.

* Everyone getting due process is a bad thing.

Thanks to drm604 and Initech for the idea behind this one:
* The Sandy Hook Massacre was fake; the Bowling Green Massacre was real.

[img][/img]
* Fake News = Journalism that makes president Trump or Republicans look bad.

* Bill Clinton was justly impeached and should have been removed from office for lying under oath about getting a blow job from an intern. Calling for Jeff Sessions to resign just because he lied under oath about talking to the foreign power than was trying to influence our election is a partisan witch hunt.

* You complained that the Affordable Care Act was "rammed" though Congress "unread". You're crafting the Republican replacement for it in secret and won't let anyone look at it.

* You think it's completely okay that Indiana Governor Mike Pence conducted state business on a personal email account, even though it got hacked. I don't think I even need to mention the contrast on this one.

* You're part of the part that claims to be stronger on "national security", but have no interest in investigating whether a foreign power compromised one of our elections.

* You're a Republican Congressman who's convinced that all investigation of Trump's ties to Russia should be secret. You're the Republican Congressman who held hearings to publicly grill Hillary Clinton about the Benghazi "scandal"

* Preventing wage theft by employers is a bad thing

* You're a Republican Governor who demolished your state's budget with tax cuts for the rich, then vetoed a bipartisan bill accepting federal funds for Medicaid expansion for reasons of "Fiscal Responsibility"

* You're a conservative pundit who once led a campaign to boycott Pepsi because they hired a rapper who "degrades women" as a spokesman. You've been sued multiple times for sexual harassment

Thanks to libtodeath for inspiring this one:
* You teach your children not to cheat, but support Donald Trump becoming President despite losing the popular vote, and the Senate confirming an unqualified plagiarist to a stolen Supreme Court seat

(Fake trump tweets via https://faketrumptweet.com)