Of course-! I'd be honored to plan & prepare Trump's Birthday Dinner.
We know what "the president" likes. We don't even have to ask him what he likes, because the entire world knows- the minute it occurs to him. Bearing that in mind, I suggest we begin with
APPETIZERS: The Two Lil-Fisted Dougnut
The meat inside the doughnut must be very well-done. Everyone will be served one, except our king-of-the-day, who gets TWO. Because, birthday.
SALAD: WATERGATE Salad (with cream cheese)
A taste of the South for that king of NYC. Bursting with marshmallows, pudding and CoolWhip? It's a salad. Believe me. It's tremendous.
SOUP: PRIMORDIAL (exactly the way our B-Boy wants it)
ENTREE: "ROMAN ORGY meat construction" (not pictured)
Krill baked inside salmon baked inside duck baked inside chicken baked inside turkey baked inside a pig baked inside a cow. Deep-fried afterward, the whole thing. It's like eating so many animals at once, which is something Trump would really enjoy.
DESSERT: The BEAUTIFULLEST Piece of Chocolate Cake and THREE scoops of Ice Cream!
The "president" will be served Two Pieces, of course. Everyone else gets only half a slice because they're not the President of The United States. Everyone there will eat it with Ketchup dip, which is Trump's favorite food.
I'm speechless at being asked to prepare this most special of meals for our very special president. Honored.
I will do my personal best to make it a real winner.
And thank you. 
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So good, you could eat half the bag and not even notice.
Look at us- We love you, Damien. It's All for You!
Nothing but the best.
?resize=320%2C240It's from an old Jackie Gleason tv show skit. I think Trump would remember it fondly. Let's send him some. 
I love it. Everything in there is smothered with ketchup, floating in gelatin molds, or all smothered with "gravy". Grey gravy.
Nice to find a kindred spirit... what are your other 9 favorite sites?!
This is one that always kills me:
"When decorating your meal, make sure to arrange the onions in the shape of Peter Lorre's face. It's steak a la Ugarte!
Garnish with small, inedible onions. WARNING! The carrots here are not to be eaten. Vegetables are for commies."
There's another one I can't find at the moment, where the recipe calls for five grains of black pepper (presumably the microscopic kind that comes in the little paper packets at the cafeteria), and Lileks says "Whoa! Somebody call the fire department!"
"Peter Lorre's face"!! 
Donut-burger.
And leave the walnuts out of the watergate salad. We don't want him getting cramps from extra fiber.
I think he needs some deviled eggs for an appetizer.
bravo! 
"We don't want him getting cramps from extra fiber" Thank you for that. For all we know, he could be allergic to walnuts, and what a shame that would be. 
it should have come with a warning.
Here's a nice palate cleanser for you, Aristus:
It's what I'll be eating!
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that Trump and his cohorts with him don't deserve Marzipan. Marzipan IS wonderful. And unless his highness is wildly allergic to almonds, I would send it to you.
life sized marzipan tRump with raspberry jam in the middle. Chop it's head off and... Oh! The outcry from the right! But at least we will have marzipan! 
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Chop its head off, or "scalp" it.
"At least we'll have marzipan".
Lard Milk Shake. Yum.....making my mouth water.
With ranch dressing and ketchup on it, something really zingy and fried and butter-sautee'd.
...one of these. Yes, it's real and for the special shitstain play for two.
This may well be the grossest thing I've ever seen.
http://www.businessinsider.com/the-heart-attack-grill-restaurant-tour-2014-3
too much filling/cake (cheaper to make. Higher profit).
The cake at Brent's Deli (in LA) is better price, style, taste.
a shit sandwich:
You look like a winner to me-- You're hired. 
have ever had. That is saying a lot because I used to work at animal shelters cleaning dog runs and cat cages. Oh, yes wiping butts at nursing homes also. Those are much better jobs than being around trump. Does the job include benefits? Like a therapist for the rest of my life.
I'm baffled as to how that cretin occupying the WH can scarf so much rich food, frankly.
But, I'm not about to try and stop him. 
splat of ketchup on everything. 
A tremendous, outstanding splat of ketchup. It's the staple that ties everything together.
Found on Dimly Lit Meals for One by Tom Kennedy.
"You like? This my latest creation! I call it 'Sunrise Over Volga.'"
Is this what they used to serve at the Politburo cafeteria? A lovely arrangement of bologna, salami, cucumbers, dill, "cheese food," and -- oh my God, what are those weird little green strips? Green onion fronds? Grass clippings?
Thank you for that link- it's like getting a present!
Just for that, here are 2 more of my favorite sites:
http://www.airlinemeals.net/
http://www.shag.com/#galleryhome
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Shag, I mean -- those airline meals, probably not so much!
Oh my, what is that "fruit" in the little square container? It looks like it could be a hybrid of tomato, mango, and cantaloupe... tomangoloupe?
I spent an inordinate amount of time on airlinemeals.net this evening -- what a delight! It's an interesting culinary art form, constrained by the limitations of the airplane seat-back tray. So even the business class meals have a certain level of dejected resignation about them. I will be sure to consult this site before my next flight, just so I know what I'm getting into!
And this Shag guy's art -- what fun! This is a great take on the "mid-century modern" look, with many odd touches -- a wall aquarium with a happy platypus(?), partygoers mesmerized by a guy with the flaming hands(?!), that wonderful lampshade celebration! Wow. I think the perfect soundtrack for this art is "Summer Samba" by Walter Wanderley (sorry, you have to jump to YouTube to play it, but it's worth it):
