The scene in a White House bathroom around 11:00 this morning:
Donald Trump sits on a toilet, cellphone in hand, playing Candy Crush to pass the time while he empties his bowels.
Suddenly, an aide knocks on the bathroom door, and announces through the door, "Mr. President, sorry to disturb you like this, but we just got word that the New York Times is about to publish some emails between your son, Jared, and Paul Manafort. They don't look very helpful. Some people might even call them a smoking gun that shows active collusion between your campaign and the Russian government. We should probably work on formulating a strong response and denial."
"Okay, will do. Just gotta finish shitting." Trump replies.
The aide walks away.
Meanwhile, Trump closes Candy Crush and pulls up his Twitter app.
He begins to type away furiously on it: "#FailingNYTimes trying to distract us by throwing out FAKE NEWS on collusion that never happened! Sad! Won't work!"
Satisfied at his work, he lowers his index finger towards the Post button.
Suddenly he's interrupted by another knock on the door. Startled, he drops his phone. His aide announces through the closed door, "Sorry again, Mr. President, but....." He trails off.
"But what?", Trump snaps back.
"Um....you might want to check out your son's Twitter feed."
Trump reaches for his phone lying on the tiled bathroom floor. In a panic, he pulls up Donald Trump Jr.'s account.
Nearly everyone inside the White House hears exactly what follows, clear as a bell:
"FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
= new reply since forum marked as read
And pull out a turd to text on. All of his tweets are just that, pure shit.
Of course, Don Jr's tweets are pure gold. 
