Oh great Czar and master Putin....
I am not worthy of your friendship....I hope you can forgive me for signing these forced sanctions that the evil democrats and dis-loyal Republicans made me sign....
I know I have promised to do a lot of things for you as re-payment and thanks for all the money and the nice gig I have right now that I wouldn't have without your help and assistance. It has been allowing me and my family to enjoy vast amounts of privilege, connections and wealth coming to us and our family business. Of course one drawback is having to be living in a dump in the swamp of DC amongst all those non-white people, but the good news is that I have access to Air Force One and can go at any time to my golf club and other properties that are far nicer, paid for by the American Taxpayer. Your generosity is not forgotten. I am so honored to call you my friend and mentor.
I really really had no choice to sign this terrible bill....if I had not signed it, the Fake News and the Witch Hunt would have gone nuclear on me...besides, they had a veto-proof majority on it, so there was no way to prevent it. I will continue to try hard to work on "adoptions" and have this Magnitsky idiocy rescinded so that you and other great Russian Billionaires can continue to funnel and launder your money through the US and my properties and other ways that have allowed you to hide the money. Don't worry, I am sure in your brilliance, you will come up with something I can do that will please you and maybe even some cool distraction that allows me to use my authority as Commander in Chief. I actually wanted to meanwhile thank you for sending home all those American Diplomats from Russia. They are probably all leftovers from Obama and so it also helps me in my effort to reduce and dismantle the State Department. I did however have your buddy Rex announce that we will no longer include democracy as part of our official mission. Isn't that great? We thought this would please you...
I really wish that I could violate human rights like you do. I gave a great speech to police and law enforcement though this week....told them it shouldn't matter if they slam the heads of people they arrest. I so wish in US we had Gulags like you do and no due process. It would make things so much easier for me to get things done.
With much love to Russia and you my great master....
xoxo
Comrade Trumpsky
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