I would just post on her page: "Cool!"

KISS

And address her as "she" and "her" evermore.

she/he may tell people how she/he wishes to be addressed. Call him/her by his/her name....I do not think the sexual gender has to be addressed.

Ask what pronoun they prefer now (and don't beat yourself up if/when you use the wrong one for a while). About all you can say to the parents is "It's still (name) and we love (name)." at least until you know more. I found this website useful https://www.gires.org.uk/ and you may find others in the LGBT forum here: https://www.democraticunderground.com/113720777

Advice given for what it's worth from someone who's going thru a similar situation. Hugs.

So I assume she prefers "she". Thanks for the links. And hugs back.

"We love her as (new name) just as much as (old name)"

My family member is making it a longer transition (over two year period), so I tend to caution.

send her a personal note telling her you support her.....ask her if she'd like to join us here on DU

I know I'm being lazy

we're here.
She would be welcomed.

my situation is a little stickier, as my daughter has identified as non-gendered. "she" prefers the pronoun ze or their, and has chosen a new, pretty much non-gendered name.
ze is also polyamorous. i dont care about that, but i cant stand the #1 boyfriend lol.

i am way, way more concerned about their extensive health problems.
ze is disabled, and that is whole other layer of complication to the situation.

and yes, i kept typing she here, and having to go back and change it. ze doesnt judge me too much, and has patiently explained stuff i never thought about.

one little tip, i changed the name associated w their email to reflect the chosen name.

It sends a powerful positive message to her. With renewed attacks on Trans people from the right since Trump was elected, messages of support to family and friends that come out are vital.

She's way farther along in the process than your family member.

Yes, you use feminine pronouns. Plus tell her you're proud of her courage in coming out.

Barring unforeseen obstacles, my friend will become an Episcopal priest in December. I can't wait.

If you loved them before, tell them now. Family is forever. Ask the questions you have with respect and be supportive. You'll do fine.

And a wish for happiness.

complicated than it needs to be eh? Thanks

Be chill. She will love you for it.

I share a grocery store with a beautiful, blonde transgender lady. She is tall, long blond hair beautifully styled, and always impeccably dressed. Putting me to shame. I thought she must be some kind of professional that lived or worked nearby.

One day during the Christmas holidays, I was watching the local early morning news. A local band came on to perform a holiday song of theirs. Imagine my surprise, to see my grocery shopping buddy performing on television!

Of course, beautiful hair, fantastic party dress, and the most amazing voice! Apparently, they are a group of friends that get together at the holidays to be in absolutely wild demand for big parties.

She was great, and I very discreetly told her so, next time I saw her. She is very nice.

My son is bi and is dating a trans guy. You treat them exactly how you would treat the gender in which they are transitioning. Never ask them about their treatment or their plans for their genitals. That is considered very rude.

a FB note that we are here to love and support her.

letting her know she is not alone and that she has family support!

Also thinking of gender transition in terms of surgery is kind of inappropriate; a significant number of trans people choose not to undergo genital surgery, for one reason or another--cost being one, it costs around $15K, and there are a relatively limited number of urologists with qualification and experience; the risk of complications being another--a neo-vagina isn't self-lubricating, requires dilation basically every day for the rest of your life, there's a not insignificant risk of fistulae, and there's also a risk of loss of sensation (and that's not even getting into the genital surgery options for FTM trans people).

more research. I assumed if there was no surgery then one was a transsexual. That's how ignorant I am. I do not wish to be ignorant or insensitive.

He also came out on Facebook. I told him he was a beautiful, beloved child.

He got a lot of support in this Evangelical town.

As far as him/her, it's a process. He has posted that he felt like a girl while a child so understands that people are adapting. I've got all these photos of the kids all together. His mom always dressed him very girly.

He has a name that is gender neutral so isn't changing it.

When I reached my teens, I struggled with what my sexuality was. I had and still have a very soft face and had boys telling me that I was cute, which didn't help my struggles. The only two people that were sure that I was straight were me and my Mom. I was at that time still years away from losing my virginity, so in the macho world that I grew up in, everyone assumed that I was gay. One of my oldest brothers was bisexual and I saw the hell that he faced.

Mom was a true southern belle so that's where it came from. Once the child hit puberty, he started dressing more male. I wondered and was not completely surprised now that he's announced he's trans.

Sorry if I was unclear.

face when trying to figure out their sexuality know no sex, it is the same process for all, IMO.

Let your friend express what he or she needs and take it from there. Your relationship may change or it may not. Every dynamic and situation is different. Your loved one will express what they need even if they really don't have the words. Showing your love, support and encouragement will matter a great deal.

She will understand if it takes a while to not slip into old usage.

do not identify as binary (he or she). They use gender neutral pronouns - ze/zir/zim; they; e/em/es. Pronouns are often very personal and do not necessarily match gender presentation. Ask. It is considerate, and the only way to avoid being a jerk. (Don't ever use he/she. That is a derrogatory term. Better to pick the wrong term than to use a term that is used very intentionally by people suggesting people who are trans are not really legitimate.)

Second, a friend of mine who is trans told everyone that they had as long to get her new pronouns right as they had known her. So if you just met her, she expected you to use the right pronouns from day 1. If you had known her a year, you had a year to make the switch. Etc.

Not 20 but still, even after a few years a he for a she slip would come . Now what 7 or 8 yrs , hasn't happened for a long time and probably won't . Takes time to settle and she always let it pass, which was kind of her.

Transitioning has got to be tough as hell. Drugs can do only so much but that's all people have while they're in the early stages. Docs want them to be absolutely sure and living as their internal gender before any surgery is even contemplated. Many trans people of both genders never have surgery for many reasons.

Call her what she wants to be called.

As for her parents, just listen. Let them talk it through without judgment.

The first trans woman I knew was in 1966. She had a job as a female secretary in another town. I didn't know her all that well and only found out she was trans through a boozy confession. To my credit, I kept my big mouth shut about it and called her by her preferred name.

I can't say I understand the first thing about transitioning. I don't think understanding is required. What is required is to respect the person doing it, and that means using the new name and the appropriate pronouns.

These last sentences of yours:

"I can't say I understand the first thing about transitioning. I don't think understanding is required. What is required is to respect the person doing it, and that means using the new name and the appropriate pronouns."

Update her contact info to reflect her name, and send a "rebirthday" gift. Coming out should be celebrated (even a $20 gift card or a piece of family costume jewelry). Put a reminder to send a card on this date in one year. Try *really, really* hard to not use her deadname (the one she was given at birth). That can be really painful.

Surgery isn't necessary, and isn't always desired, so don't poke at that. It doesn't matter that much and it doesn't matter what's going on under other people's clothes. Some transpeople don't want to take the risks of severed nerves and anesthesia; some cannot afford the time or money; some think their bodies are just fine once the hormones get going. We don't usually think about the state of cis gendered people's genitals unless we're actually interested in sexytimes with them; there's no reason to think about it with our transfamilies.

Let her lead, let her know you're there for whatever she needs, and just keep caring. Do poke other family members to not be jerks if you see them being jerks.

that she is married already - to a woman - and I wondered how things would be between them now. Apparently there are many options I had not even considered.

If you weren't part of their sex lives before, there's no reason to be part of it now. People's sex lives change over the course of their lifetimes. This change is a matter of degree, not a matter of kind.

It's okay to be intensely curious, but realize that's about you, and you wouldn't want to cause discomfort by being a 1) family member who is 2) asking questions you wouldn't have asked before. That's your general rule: if you never considered it before, and it wasn't your business before, it isn't now. If they (singular or plural) feel comfortable with your support, and want you to know something, trust that they (sing/pl) will tell you.

If you really, really need to know the mechanics so that you can get comfortable with and past the idea, read some trans fiction, written by trans writers. You'll a) be supporting the art of people who have a heck of a time making a living anyway, and b) be engaging with the community. There are a lot of perspectives on trans/non-binary genders, orientations and practicalities even within the trans/non-binary community, so the wider your exposure, the better. Just avoid the filmed porn -- that's often throughly infused with objectification, fetish, and stereotypes, plus being exploitative as hell. (Erotica tends to be somewhat better, but can still be squicky.) If you want recommendations, give me a little time, or try some on this list: https://www.bookish.com/articles/21-must-read-books-for-transgender-awareness-month/

no intention of asking any questions I never would have asked before. Just amazing how much I have to learn.

Then, from there, you'll have a better idea about how to talk to other family members. I'm sure they know about it already, since FB was used to make an announcement.

It's a process. Only the person herself can tell you how she'd like to proceed. There will likely be many awkward moments.

getting answers about pronouns and the new name. I'm sure she or her mother will answer any questions I have. I just want to be sensitive in the way I ask. Ignorance can be insensitive so I'm attempting to learn before show my ignorance.

things will go OK. Like I said, there will be awkward moments, no doubt, but a new norm will get established in time.

and stick with it. Also, don't bombard them with questions or at least allow them to decline to answer them. Educate yourself and stick up for them especially if the family is unsupportive.

sharing. Educational for me and hopefully freeing for her.