Sometimes I cry...
this is a big confession on my part.
not that I'm a "manly man" who doesn't cry or anything like that. It's mostly out of frustration.
My gf works retail so as such our schedules don't always jibe and I find myself alone often at home with my dog.
I have found myself watching various videos of "human kindness" more and more on Youtube. I do this to help restore my faith in humanity after reading one horrible story after another in the news.
It grips me so to such a point that I can't help myself. I have to vent the pent up anger and sadness that overwhelms me.
I was thinking the other day, that god forbid we got into a war with NK, and they fired a nuke at us. I had flash backs as a kid living through the cold war and how bone deep terrified I was of being nuked. That bubbled to the surface again. And the water works sprung forth.
I think of all the daily violence from shootings and mass killings and I again, weep.
I try as best as I can to be calm cool and collected during the day, but when I am alone, I cry at just the truly criminal things that are happening all around us.
I love the beauty of the world and the truly remarkable things that are out there and the things we take for granted every single day while all this horrible-ness clouds our thoughts.
I stand outside and think, "we still have air, we still have trees, we still, for the most part have clean water. I am lucky, for most of the world does not have these things".
I sit with my thoughts and smell the fresh air after a storm or watch the wild flowers that grow along my fence. These simple things give me solitude, peace of mind knowing that no matter how the right wing tries, these simple things; they can never ever take away.
But then I hear another tragedy by the hands of yet another nut, racist, right wing heartless bastard perpetrated upon the weak, the less powerful, minorities and those with no voice and I choke up, because I know I am part of one of those groups.
I clinch my hands in anxiety and anguish knowing that no matter what I do, I will only be a single small voice among millions of like minded people who yearn for peace, but are never listened to.
I have the facade of a cynic, and I proclaim, "I hate people, because they always disappoint". This is my barrier to protect myself, but honestly, it does no good. I am a human being who is part of a larger community of this planet.
My dad loved John Donne's poems so much that he had the poem, "No man is an island" posted on the wall in our garage when I was a kid. (if you haven't read it, read it). I loved it so much so, when my mom was sell our old house, I pealed off the wall and framed it. It's now in my garage.
The republicans would love to make us all think that we are individuals and that it's every man & woman for themselves. But they can never truly break us, because we are feeling creatures and part of a global community. The republicans fight a futile battle and I think they know it deep down that is indeed futile.
It's all just so much useless energy to divide us and make us war against ourselves, because in chaos, evil always wins.
And because sometimes I cry, I need something that will lift me up when I'm really down in the pits of dispare.
This is my all time favorite video that I watch when I'm feeling this way. It depicts a small slice of life among strangers and just how when the clutter of things are removed, just how we can all just life peacefully.
Enjoy...
= new reply since forum marked as read
we rented a car, and my sister was driving. My mum and me, popped into this store to take a look at something, when we came out, we went to where we thought my sister had parked, and while we were still talking, opened the car door, only to find this perplexed Frenchman looking at us, as we climbed into his car. Come to find out, he was driving an identical make and model and color of car, we all dissolved into laughter, realizing our mistake, my sister parked nearby had dissolved into a laughing fit too. Nobody got shot, yelled at or anything...all a genuine mistake...we still laugh about it today, seeing that expression on that guys face.
I believe there is much goodness in this world, that will overcome
Geez, I must be an optimist but sometimes I can fall into that paranoid anxiety thinking, but I believe good wins over evil, and love over hate, and as you said goodness in the world. We just have to fight back and never do this
once I'd finished psychotherapy.
Once in Teatro la Fenice in Venice I was sitting on the first stand in the orchestra and Mario Brunelli, the Veneto cellist who had just won the Tschaikovsky competition, had just played the Rococco Variations. The audience, of course, insisted on an encore. So he sat down a few feet from me and gestured with a sweep of his bow across the conductor's podium, pointing at our first cellist, Vendremelli, and said, "Per il mio maestro." ("For my teacher."
At that moment I started to sob, and hid behind the music stand, so that I wouldn't distract from his playing, which was the Bach d minor (suite) Sarabande. When it was over and the applause finally died down, I left my hiding place and started off stage, to see that every woman on stage had cried also!
Personally I find men who cry to be very sexy.
Loved the laughing video -- God knows, we need it.
I know how you feel and I am glad you opened up to us. It was good to hear someone share from the heart. 
Javaman. 
