The 5 Stages Of Gun Nut Grief

I have decided to come up with this handy guide the next time a shooting happens.

1 - Denial. Lots and lots and lots of denial. Someone might be coming to take your guns away. Just wait for your talking points from the Christian right and right wing talk shows about how the victims deserved it, because, Jesus.

2 - Don't Draw Attention To The Guns. You're still in denial. Make comparisons to pools, cars, helicopters, doctors, health insurance, and planes. You can also blame things every day people use like computers, cheeseburgers, and anything that plugs into an electrical outlet! Because remember - these things cause death too! And they're not regulated! Everything but the gun. And everything but the gun attachments that were used.

3 - Harass legislators who want to pass any meaningful forms of gun control. Because remember - no mass shooting in history was ever about the gun. It's always about something else. Mental illness? Sure. Egomaniacism? Sure. Make it a race thing. Make it a gender thing. Make it an economics thing. Just don't blame the gun.

4 - Buy guns. Lots and lots of guns. Buy all the guns because Alex Jones and fundamentalist Christians have told you that the government is coming to take yours away! And remember it's your patriotic duty, damn it! Because the 2nd amendment was handed down by the lord our god and the words "SHALL NOT BE INFRINGED" literally shall not be infringed!

5 - Harass the victims. Pretend like the shooting didn't happen. Remember - the victims were all actors. And this was a concentrated CIA plot orchestrated by the Clinton Foundation and John Podesta with financial backing from George Soros. After all, there's nothing more important than that precious, precious gun. And if another attack happens during the national time of mourning that does not involve a gun - you can rightfully say "I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!".

And thus the cycle is complete. Now you can wait for the next mass shooting.