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ecstatic

(32,712 posts)
Fri Nov 17, 2017, 11:59 PM Nov 2017

What if "the kiss" was less sinister and more of a tragic miscommunication?

Update: Abort post! Didn't know he was married at the time. Nevermind!

One thing I learned long ago is that most men tend to have huge egos and a lot of them will mistakenly think that you're into them if you're nice or even cordial towards them. And I'm not saying that to be disparaging, it's obviously a crucial evolutionary survival trait.

In this case, I think (based on experiences I've had) that Tweeden was on a COMPLETELY different page from Franken, so much so that she didn't have a guard up and didn't even realize that she needed to give him cues to back off. In those cases, you're going to feel all the emotions that she says she felt because it's so unexpected and so shocking.

In other words, both of these statements could be true:

1) Tweeden's emotional reaction to the incident are completely valid from her perspective, but

2) Franken wasn't being a Trump-style creep who just kisses and gropes random women because "he can."
Perhaps Franken was guilty of thinking he had a chance with a woman who he had regular interaction with? A woman who he mistakenly assumed he was forming a personal connection with?

If someone believes that his or her relationship with someone is moving to the next level, is it OK to go in for a kiss? That's something that we as a society would need to clear up right now, in light of the current Predator Purge. New rules for how to go in for a kiss with someone you're already well acquainted with would change the dating game, for sure. Sometimes taking the initiative to have a first kiss is the only way out of the friend zone, if that makes sense.


33 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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What if "the kiss" was less sinister and more of a tragic miscommunication? (Original Post) ecstatic Nov 2017 OP
Franken has been happily and faithfully married for many years. The Velveteen Ocelot Nov 2017 #1
There is nothing funny about forcibly sticking your tongue in somebody's mouth against their will oberliner Nov 2017 #2
It's not funny and I didn't say it was. The Velveteen Ocelot Nov 2017 #5
Totally with you on this dflprincess Nov 2017 #27
We don't really know he did that - Al said he remembers it differently than she does womanofthehills Nov 2017 #6
There's nothing funny about posing women while they'reunconscious and taking pictures of them either FBaggins Nov 2017 #7
And he's acknowledged that and apologized. The Velveteen Ocelot Nov 2017 #8
And yet he then posed an unconscious woman and took a photo FBaggins Nov 2017 #11
So what do YOU think should be done with him? The Velveteen Ocelot Nov 2017 #29
Nothing at all FBaggins Nov 2017 #32
I dont think she was sleeping riverwalker Nov 2017 #13
People don't ever sleep on planes at 5pm? FBaggins Nov 2017 #15
If you're talking about the photo, we don't know the circumstances. For all we know, pnwmom Nov 2017 #17
So Franken is lying? FBaggins Nov 2017 #18
Eleven years later his memory of the incident is probably not crystal clear. pnwmom Nov 2017 #19
That's laughable spin that actually makes him look worse FBaggins Nov 2017 #20
His hands weren't actually touching the vest -- he was pretending. But even pretending about sexual pnwmom Nov 2017 #25
He says he doesn't remember it the way she does. You trust her description 100%. I don't. n/t pnwmom Nov 2017 #16
That's if we believe her MFM008 Nov 2017 #33
Oops OK. I didn't know he was married. That changes things. nt ecstatic Nov 2017 #4
I think that is quite possible. Listening to Tweeden and her acceptance of apology, Hoyt Nov 2017 #3
No, it's ridiculous. Franken has been married for more than 40 years The Velveteen Ocelot Nov 2017 #10
Not sure that is evidence. Moore has bee married awhile too, as have most adulterers. Hoyt Nov 2017 #12
Here's my take pat_k Nov 2017 #9
Interesting. I think an important take away is ecstatic Nov 2017 #14
Nice! MichMary Nov 2017 #21
including Trump...but this person is a fox contributor... Demsrule86 Nov 2017 #23
She is a right wing BS artist and a Fox news contributor....it is a hit job so let's ignore it. Demsrule86 Nov 2017 #22
You do know the 'kiss' was part of the show right? She is an actress albeit not a good one. Demsrule86 Nov 2017 #24
Whatever it was/is, one thing is for sure. The story coming out when it did is rzemanfl Nov 2017 #26
Men have never had to read women well. They hold all the power and money. Irish_Dem Nov 2017 #28
The kiss MaryMagdaline Nov 2017 #30
Post removed Post removed Nov 2017 #31

The Velveteen Ocelot

(115,735 posts)
1. Franken has been happily and faithfully married for many years.
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 12:04 AM
Nov 2017

There has been no evidence at all that he has ever cheated on his wife; I doubt very much that he was trying to start any kind of affair with Tweeden. He was nothing more than clumsy and dumb, probably trying to be funny and failing badly.

 

oberliner

(58,724 posts)
2. There is nothing funny about forcibly sticking your tongue in somebody's mouth against their will
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 12:08 AM
Nov 2017

One would think that would go without saying.

dflprincess

(28,079 posts)
27. Totally with you on this
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 02:01 PM
Nov 2017

I think there are a lot of Democrats who have taken the Republican bait on this and if this works look for similar attacks on others.

womanofthehills

(8,718 posts)
6. We don't really know he did that - Al said he remembers it differently than she does
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 12:23 AM
Nov 2017

Randi Rhodes said Al is the least sexual man she ever met. Reporters have been questioning every women who ever worked with Al and so far nothing.

FBaggins

(26,748 posts)
7. There's nothing funny about posing women while they'reunconscious and taking pictures of them either
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 12:23 AM
Nov 2017

Last edited Sat Nov 18, 2017, 01:41 AM - Edit history (1)

There's nothing funny about posing women while they're unconscious and taking pictures of them either... yet he once joked about that too.

The Velveteen Ocelot

(115,735 posts)
8. And he's acknowledged that and apologized.
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 12:26 AM
Nov 2017

What do you want him to do? He's my senator; he's done great work for the citizens of my state, and losing him will hurt US a whole lot more than it would him.

FBaggins

(26,748 posts)
11. And yet he then posed an unconscious woman and took a photo
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 12:40 AM
Nov 2017

Clearly his apology wasn't coming from a personal belief that such behavior was at out of line.

I'm sorry... I don't think that this should cost him his job in the absence of other accusations... but I also don't think that "he's a great Senator" is a reason to give him a pass either.

Are you saying that your Democratic governor doesn't do "great work"? That there's no un-creepy Democrat in the state that could be appointed if he had to go?

The Velveteen Ocelot

(115,735 posts)
29. So what do YOU think should be done with him?
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 02:08 PM
Nov 2017

A public flogging? Place him in stocks in front of the capitol building and throw rotten fruit at him? Make him write "I will not be a crude sexist dick" one hundred times on a blackboard in the Senate chambers?

Bill Maher made a pretty good point - something to the effect that there's a difference between a guy who once acted like a dick and a guy who is a dick. Unless some kind of pattern of this sort of thing is discovered - and that seems pretty doubtful in light of the muckraking Norm Coleman did, with Karl Rove's help, during the 2008 senate election (where this incident never came up at all, nor did any like it), I believe Al Franken is a guy who once did a dickish thing but is not actually a dick. He's an excellent senator and a strong progressive who not only represents his constituency very well but who has been one of the strongest, most persistent interrogators of the likes of Jeff Sessions. I do not want to lose that weapon in the Senate.

He could be replaced by another Democrat, most likely Keith Ellison. But why throw the baby out with the bathwater?

FBaggins

(26,748 posts)
32. Nothing at all
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 02:23 PM
Nov 2017

The exposure and embarrassment is appropriately painful. Absent evidence of a pattern of similar behavior and in light of a seemingly genuine apology (if we ignore that one part) and acceptance of how it harmed his advocacy for women... I wouldn't expect more. Democratic voters can consider it in the next primary in light of how he continues to do his job.

I'm just not interested in minimizing his actions or shaming his victim.

riverwalker

(8,694 posts)
13. I dont think she was sleeping
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 01:01 AM
Nov 2017

The photo analysis says it was 5 pm. Other photos on the plane are all laughing and smiling. It was a packed plane. There are witnesses and hopefully will be hearing from them.

FBaggins

(26,748 posts)
15. People don't ever sleep on planes at 5pm?
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 01:22 AM
Nov 2017

Long flights don't ever have periods of wakefulness and periods of sleeping?
Cameras in 2006 could reliably keep track of time zones while flying at 30,000 feet?

Yeah... there were witnesses and we've already hear from one of them. Al Franken. HE says that he understands why she felt violated.

Why do you think he's lying? Because some nut on twitter believes that someone hacked the picture metadata to remove the gps and photographer information but magically forgot to edit the time?

pnwmom

(108,980 posts)
17. If you're talking about the photo, we don't know the circumstances. For all we know,
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 01:32 AM
Nov 2017

everyone in the shot deliberately posed for it, including the guy with the red cap.

FBaggins

(26,748 posts)
18. So Franken is lying?
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 01:43 AM
Nov 2017

Odd defense.

He says it's obvious why she would feel violated.

In your scenario, that would be in no sense obvious

pnwmom

(108,980 posts)
19. Eleven years later his memory of the incident is probably not crystal clear.
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 01:58 AM
Nov 2017

So he apologized anyway, because he decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Good for him -- but I'm more skeptical.

FBaggins

(26,748 posts)
20. That's laughable spin that actually makes him look worse
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 06:39 AM
Nov 2017

"Gee... I don't remember that, but it looks like something I would do, so I should apologize"



Shown a similar photo of myself, I would know that it was fake... because I would never do such a thing.

How about you?

pnwmom

(108,980 posts)
25. His hands weren't actually touching the vest -- he was pretending. But even pretending about sexual
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 01:56 PM
Nov 2017

assault isn't funny, so he apologized.

 

Hoyt

(54,770 posts)
3. I think that is quite possible. Listening to Tweeden and her acceptance of apology,
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 12:15 AM
Nov 2017

appears to me she's not coming from the same place as Moore or Trump accusers. And neither is Franken attacking the accuser, preferring to apologize for something that might well have been inappropriate. It won't be long before this is a nonissue except to candidates who don't have any other way to attack Franken.

The Velveteen Ocelot

(115,735 posts)
10. No, it's ridiculous. Franken has been married for more than 40 years
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 12:31 AM
Nov 2017

to the same woman, and there has never been even a rumor that he's ever been unfaithful to her.

 

Hoyt

(54,770 posts)
12. Not sure that is evidence. Moore has bee married awhile too, as have most adulterers.
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 12:50 AM
Nov 2017

I'm good with Franken, just wish this hadn't happened, even if Tweeden is exaggerating things.

pat_k

(9,313 posts)
9. Here's my take
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 12:31 AM
Nov 2017

From OP

"Tweeden's emotional reaction to the incident are completely valid from her perspective, but "


I reached the same conclusion, but for somewhat different reasons.

Here's my take (from something I posted to another thread):

If you strip away the attribution of "bad intent" she [Tweeden] injects, what she describes strikes me as a situation in which an actor simply failed to pick up "signals" that she was uncomfortable with the script, and had no intention of following it. (She said she intended to turn her head when they did the skit.)

From her perspective, he was asking her to do something she was refusing to do (even though she didn't bother to tell anyone she was refusing). Being asked to do something you have refused to do is uncomfortable. I think her report of discomfort is honest. And she may have objected to rehearsing as clearly as she describes too. Franken would clearly be in the wrong if he "heard" the objection, and pressed on, but I think he failed to "hear" it because it didn't make sense. No one would expect someone who planned to do something on stage to object to rehearsing. My point is, the exact same sequence of events can seem "way out of bounds" to one participant, and well within bounds to another. Sure, she could be lying or exaggerating, but she could be giving an honest account based on memory and perception colored by her state of mind at the time. Memory is far more malleable than most of us think.

The unequivocally "bad act," as I see it, isn't the rehearsal kiss, it's the photo. There is no denying that it is a shameful display of disrespect, and Franken has expressed his disgust with himself. The only reason this story may not fade away as it should is that we are living in a world turned upside-down by reactionary insanity.

ecstatic

(32,712 posts)
14. Interesting. I think an important take away is
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 01:15 AM
Nov 2017

that we have to be 100% direct when we are uncomfortable in a situation, whether it's a script or whatever the case may be. Anything less can lead to disaster. Good points!

MichMary

(1,714 posts)
21. Nice!
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 10:17 AM
Nov 2017

I bet every drunk frat boy in the country who has been accused of rape can use the "tragic miscommunication" defense!

Demsrule86

(68,586 posts)
23. including Trump...but this person is a fox contributor...
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 11:35 AM
Nov 2017

and she is wearing a flak jacket and she is lying through her whitened teeth.

Demsrule86

(68,586 posts)
22. She is a right wing BS artist and a Fox news contributor....it is a hit job so let's ignore it.
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 11:34 AM
Nov 2017

The info coming out shows she is a liar...it will backfire on her...why do we even help the GOP in this sort of shit?

rzemanfl

(29,565 posts)
26. Whatever it was/is, one thing is for sure. The story coming out when it did is
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 02:01 PM
Nov 2017

a Republican ratfuck Leaann wittingly or unwittingly participated in. I vote the former.

Irish_Dem

(47,131 posts)
28. Men have never had to read women well. They hold all the power and money.
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 02:04 PM
Nov 2017

Women on the other hand have been socialized for thousands of years to read men.

They had no power, rights, money and were totally dependent upon males for the survival of
themselves and their children.

MaryMagdaline

(6,855 posts)
30. The kiss
Sat Nov 18, 2017, 02:18 PM
Nov 2017

May well be some sort of mistake. Al thinking it should be rehearsed. She thinking hell no. The tongue down the throat? No. She was grossed out. She thought he had an agenda with the forced rehearsal and it was confirmed in her mind when he tongued her. He might think she's one of the boys ... she can take a joke. Seems the kiss was a little hostile rather than sexual but hostility plus sex is very unnerving. The fact that she is a RW'r does not really change my view because I think there was automatic hostility between the 2, maybe even because of politics. Gags among friends are ok, but hard to hide the hate when it's there.

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