Raped once, groped once by a boss at a daycare center when I went into the laundry room (quit at the end of my shift--it was a small family-run business with no HR dept.), and then endless cat calls and strangers opening their car doors. Oh yeah, and one time some neighborhood creep broke into my apartment and came into my room while I was sleeping. Fortunately he left when I started yelling, probably because I had a roommate who barged in to see what was happening.

So sorry you've had to endure all that!

It's not something I could keep track of.
So many times, so many ways.
Was I 9 or ten the first time I remember cat calls when I crossed a street?
And what about all the times I had to change behavior or plans or dress to reduce the chance of harrasment?
It's been part of my environment my entire life.
How can that be quantified?

It's simple a fact of life for women. It's something many of us experience so much it reaches the point where its almost the norm not the exception. It's an accepted part of living as a woman.

I would twirl around right out of their arms and say "we can't you have a wife." Often the mention of the wife would slow things. Most of the time I would not even tell my co-workers because it was kind of the norm. I always knew it would be coming when "the boss wants to see you in his office." One of my bosses actually later apologized, another one tried a few more times before giving up.

Especially while in the Marines. Maybe a couple dozen. I define harassment as reaching the point where i start to get uncomfortable enough to feel threatened.

I've always wondered how female soldiers/Marines/airwomen(?)/sailors fare.

I joined in 88, so it was a long time ago. I had many many wonderful male marine friends. I'd say 80% were respectful..Maybe a smidge less. But the ones who were bad were awful.. really awful

You have my sympathies and, if you don't mind, thanks for serving!

and I personally think all this media sex sex 24/7 is a big giant squirrel to take our eyes off tax plan and all the other crap Rs are doing...the Russians and Rs are trying to divide men and women....I define myself as a human being and I am not falling for it . The media elected this jackass and now are doing his bidding.

nice try....I used to counsel women after I got out......

It isn't sex, it is assault and harassment. I hope the people you counseled understand that.

You're welcome for the explanation.

attacked, it can be extremely, extremely subjective. Some of the comments here in the past few days might well make me feel more nervous about being a man around women these days than the woman dealing with men I've always been, all of us living in at least officially a women's rights era

I've never knowingly been physically or socially targeted by any would-be sexual harasser, but notably I've also never been in competition with men for rare, high-level positions,which brings out a lot of hostility. There have been a few incidents as is, all related to work, but I'm fortunate in that they didn't have enough power or were too well known for what they were. If I didn't like their games I told them to go away and enjoyed trading the story with others who had their own.

I never regarded briefly roving hands as harassment--unless their purpose was to offend, insult, victimize or difficult to stop, but again I felt empowered to put a stop to that kind of thing and did.

Just because you were able to stop things before they got to rape, it's no reason to minimize it- or laugh about it while trading stories with coworkers. Youve drank their koolaide when you laugh at them putting hands on other women.

Sad that this is where we still are, victims afraid of admitting they were victimized, joking about it.

Stranger tried to get me in a car when I was 12
Friend grabbed chest when we stopped short at a traffic light around 16 or 17
Rubbed up against on subway half a dozen times. Crotch grabbed quite hard on a bus once
Drunk RAs burst into my dorm room at 1 am and invited me to a fuck fest at a strip club.
Men exposing their cocks to me on late night bus rides two or three times.
This isn’t counting catcalling or being told by strangers how pretty I would be if I would just smile.
I suspect this is probably well less than average as a lifetime tally.

And I'm 69 years old.

And yes, I believe you're sincere and well-meaning.

The point is that virtually all women virtually all of the time have to alter their behavior, have to diminish their opportunities, have to hold themselves back for fear of what might happen. We do it here on DU all the time. We do it, to some extent or other, in most of our interpersonal relationships, regardless whether with men or with women. We deal with it when we see an offensive advertisement. We deal with it when we see/hear the terrible things said about HRC, about Elizabeth Warren, about Maxine Waters, about Janet Reno. All of these things demean and diminish us and put us on the defensive, even if we aren't consciously aware of it, all the time. We never know how someone else -- especially if that someone else is male -- when we come to Warren's or Clinton's or Waters' defense. And there's no opting out of it.

Is all of it "sexual harassment"? Maybe, maybe not. But as my sig line says, "Men are afraid women will laugh at them; women are afraid men will kill them." If our gender puts us at risk, is it necessary that we define what that risk is? Does it only count if it's an unwelcome, overtly sexual act? Does it only count if it's a "C'mon back to my apartment with me and I'll give you a raise" comment? Or does it NOT count if it's the guys in the office wanting to go to Hooters for lunch and coming back laughing and joking?

It's not about quantifying how many times a woman has felt personally, clearly, directly sexually harassed. Nor is it about the degree of sexual harassment. Is an attempted rape the same as a lewd joke? No, of course not. But they are part and parcel of the same culture that devalues, demeans, and dismisses women.

There isn't a day that goes by I'm not made aware of the way even sometimes well-meaning men perpetuate this culture.

I'm a southern white male but I've tried very hard for many years to understand women's experience. I sincerely feel even worse for you ladies since I started this thread. Wow I had no idea how bad it is. I knew rape and sexual harassment were part of the experience but did not realize how pervasive it is and how it can affect women.

Her "Killing Us Softly" videos on images of women in advertising will give you some idea of how deeply misogyny infects our culture.

Or read up on how even Disney Princesses are short-changed on lines and power.

too many to count. Honks, being followed by men/boys in cars (that could be quite scary). I was grabbed in the chest more than once - and once on the street someone grabbed somewhere else.

I was also sexually harassed at work for months by someone who made fun of me. He brought up sexual innuendo's every time he saw me --and then would make a joke (because I had complained): Oh, this is just too much for your ears.......you're just too innocent.

It was really terrible.

nt

when they sit next to me at the movies, etc. And I am in my 50s! I have spent my whole life walking in major cities and unable to smile since that invites even more rude gestures, etc. I have to go to movies with a cup of ice to dump on them. This is RIDICULOUS! I should do a Lorena Bobbitt on them but then I would get arrested instead of them.

Yikes! I honestly do not believe i know one single guy who would do that. Of course, i only know some many people. But, geez that's disgusting.

Well, i guarantee you it wasn't me!

That whole flasher, dick pic, whip-it-out impulse is so incomprehensibly unevolved. It makes me imagine the guy is walking around with nothing above his brain stem.

Well phrased, Squinch. Well phrased.

In the movie theater, in a car, on a sidewalk...

Ipulled my hand away and ran out of the theatre...

I was a high school, college, and post college guy for 3 years before I met my wife and life partner.
If one of my friends would have pulled that, I would have slapped the taste out of their mouth!
No, not that I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't have tolerated anyone I hung out with doing it either!
Where do these bananas grow? I don't want to go there!

explode and when he was drinking, he would. I couldn't be sure of his response, but I knew at a young age that he was often out of it from drinking too much.

I sympathize but obviously can't empathize.

This thread is just so eye-opening. I had no idea my fellow "males" could be so predatory and disgusting. I'm ashamed they are part of my gender.

and happened in my own home, by a guest. It was so traumatic that it totally changed me inside and how I deal with the world. I became a total recluse, refusing to venture outside, and then only clad in my husband's shirts that were at least two sizes too large, and baggy pants. I no longer wear make-up at all, and NO MAN is allowed inside our home unless my husband and both my 2 grown sons are present and awake.
This was not even close to the first OR last time, but it was the one that followed a horrendous major sexual assault that proved to me that I simply can NOT trust enough men to ever see one alone again.
I am now an old woman, and am approaching hermit status. I only go out with my husband as a body guard.

With all sincere respect, have you tried therapy with a female therapist ? Not being snarky at all.

I still go out from time to time, and there's always "shopping" therapy. Thank you for your advice, though.

Doesn't matter if it's once in a lifetime or every day.

But yeah, it's been a lot.

I thought I understood sexual harassment but I obviously did not.

#whitesouthernmaleignorance

too many to count

Bosses comments about my body, getting my breast grabbed numerous times, butt slapped with suggestive remarks, the catcalls, men stopping their car in front of me asking if I wanted a ride.*wink, wink*. Pinned against a wall getting groped everywhere. I must be a lesbian because I don't want to date you/ It couldn't possibly be I don't want to date you because you are an asshole. Followed with lewd propositions. An almost rape, thank god for the good guy. An older male relative coming up behind me and grinding on me. Thank god I was believed by my Mom, he was never allowed in our home again. I can't count the times I stepped in when my female friends were being harassed. Or the times I had a mythical boyfriend who will beat your ass if you keep it up.

I remember being frightened by some construction workers when I was in middle school. In retrospect, they wouldn't have done anything to me, in broad daylight, but I didn't know it at the time.

So as soon as girls starts to develop, grown men start harassing them. And it goes on for decades.

I remember one time, though, that was different. I was standing outside the doorway of a little shop downtown, waiting for my husband to drive up in our car. Some guy walked up to me very close and started saying something. I immediately gave him a look of disgust and said, "JUST. GO. AWAY." And he did and it was empowering.

And then later I thought, that was nuts. I should have just gone back inside. What if he'd had a knife or something? Because that's how cautious most women have to be, most of the time. I think I felt safe with the store right behind me and that's why I behaved differently.

I WAS sexually harassed many times over the years.

My first experience was 17 years old working for a major hotel chain as room service, my boss was training me and he called for room service to see if I knew all the protocols etc. I went up to deliver his meal and he met me at he door fresh out of the shower with nothing but a towel on. I came in the room and began to set up his table and he conveniently dropped the towel. I was petrified. I nervously continued my job and left as soon as I could. Went down into the kitchen told the head chef what had happened, changed my uniform and left. Never even went back to get my pay check. I never told anyone because "I" felt like it was somehow my fault. Years later I finally came to grips with the fact that I was indeed sexually harassed.

My first experience wasn't my last unfortunately.

in a job.

In some workplaces, there might be an H.R. department that is effective. And most states probably have an office for filing workplace complaints.

In many cases, the perpetrator is a much more powerful man. IT often becomes a game of he said she said and the boss's word matters more.

Also many small companies do not have HR departments.

by reporting the employer to the state.

I was recently reading about this online and someone said she lost her job after reporting. She told everyone not to do it because it damages you. You have to leave for another job.

Groped 3x. Twice by strangers in a crowd and once by a classmate in a darkroom. Harassed 2-3 x at employment places. Numerous times in the general sense of strangers making idiotic comments about appearance etc. Once I was stalked by a serial killer on a highway. I was walking late at night alone and somehow I managed to cross the highway which was deserted and run away. He drove around to try and find me and I hid in the woods and then ran across the highway again. By that point I was near a traffic light where there could be traffic and he gave up. I don’t consider that to be harassment but it was very frightening. I remember telling someone at work the next day and she recalled something happening to her as a child too. She ran like crazy and escaped.

THe worst was in middle school when a classmate did something that Trump would later make (in)famous.

Women have to do things on an everyday basis that men don't have to think of. At bars, I don't know how often men have to take their drink into the restroom to avoid someone putting something in it.

At work, I've been talked to like I'm a dog before (My boss said 'good girl' when I did something right.)

I've been catcalled more times than I'd like to even count.

ETA one of my jobs was as a paid canvass director. One of our ways of recruiting canvassers was putting up posters on telephone poles and flyering. The catcalling was so bad when they sent me to do that. I could be wearing the baggiest unsexiest sweats and tshirt and still be stared at and whistled at like a piece of meat.

in those days and let my mouth run. It worked.

drilled, and on my best friends breast too. We would go to the dentist on our way home from middle school. This same friend and I also encountered the car masturbator asking us for directions.

The work experiences were bad- asked to go into their office and then grouped. Another job was at an add agency and I was asked by the boss to get something in the darkroom and then groped. The next day he told me he did not feel i had the same vision as the company and fired me. All these guys were married and I had met all their wives. And, it wasn't like you were even sweet talked first - they just fucking grabbed. On a job interview, as soon as the guys secretary walked out the door, he lunged for me and I literally had to run around a huge desk twice and out the door. I missed out on another job because after the interview, I refused to get into his van made into a bedroom. Date rape - where I was pined to the ground and he said we could stay there all night until I agreed to have sex. So would you call it consensual date rape?

The one that sickens me the most is my own cousin. It was Thanksgiving and we were about 18 and asked by the family to go get something at the store. On the way back, he pulls his car over and "pulls it out" - just like the Seinfeld episode.

and there's way more - like the guy masturbating on the side of a rural road after tail gating me, the older professor who seduced me by becoming my mentor and I can't leave out the Catholic priest in the confessional. I was 13 and our parents would drop us off at the movie theater and we would pair up with boys. I had popcorn and the boy reached across for some popcorn and brushed my breast. As a good Catholic girl I thought i better confess that he touched my breast. So, in the confessional, the priest then asks me - "Did he touch you above your blouse or under your blouse" and "Did he touch you above your skirt or under your skirt" - Needless to say, I was only 13 but I was smart enough to never go to confession again.

Getting a haircut while the barber rubbed his obvious boner against me repeatedly.

What really pissed me off is it's the best haircut I've ever had in my life but I could never go back to the same place

I ran with a bad crowd and had low self esteem and alot of emotional problems. I was in too many wrong places at the wrong time. The assaults started in 1970 and I graduated in 1974. They were worse in 1970 and got progressively less over the years. Most of my assaulters spent time in prison later for various crimes. By the time I graduated, I had a nice boyfriend and they ended. See ***** at end of post for further info.

I went to college in the next year and had no serious issues at all. There were crazy Iranians and Arabs who did catcalling stuff, but that is who they were. We basically were never alone with them. We also had Mexican immigrants finishing our parent's home and couldn't go out in the yard during the day because of their constant catcalling or whatever. (This was very very annoying)

After I graduated, I worked in a toxic environment. There was female harassment, but it wasn't overtly sexual. (Nobody assaulted me. Nobody made moves on me) I think Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi were products of this type of work environment. I felt the environment was just toxic to any woman who didn't want to "be a man". (For this reason, many professional women of that era became over-achievers) I felt it was toxic to be a woman who just wanted to be a woman. Basically, we were not allowed to be feminine. Men were threatened by women in the workplace, so they put these crazy stipulations on us. I couldn't take it and decided to go into nursing.

There are all different types of harassment.

***** These are the types of girls that Roy Moore trolled. The Roy Moore's of the world seemed to gravitate toward me when I was in high school. As many problems that I had, there is no way, I would have ever dated a 30 year old. But those types of creeps sure seemed to bother me. I also had problems "getting rid of guys" during the same time period. It seems ironic because I was actually being assaulted, yet I also had these insecure loser cling-ons. (The cling-ons weren't the type that were interested in sex. They just wanted a GF and I was the closest target) I think I had poor boundaries and didn't know how to send clear messages. I think Roy Moore preyed on these types.

To indicate that many of guys who physically assaulted me in high school would eventually do time in prison. I never told authorities or my parents about these guys. I was too scared and ashamed. I was so afraid my parents would punish me. I was afraid of repercussions of being "a squealer". It was a horrible time in my life.

(about 16-40) it was a daily thing that you steel yourself for possibly happening -- over the years it becomes unconscious.

I'd say you were extremely fortunate.

all the rest of us - lots of times.

I’ve seen drive by dicks, been catcalled mercilessly on the way home from school (we lived by a shipyard. I don’t recommend it), got rubbed up against by a seventh grade algebra teacher, had men grope me when I waited tables at thirteen in my grandparents’ cafe, got groped by someone I babysat for, got propositioned by my boss as I was sobbing over getting a call at work over a friend’s suicide, and on and on and on. It’s ubiquitous right up til you disappear and are devalued for not being the very thing you were previously devalued for.

I had the creepy boss who exposed himself, the child molester in the car at twelve, bunch of dates who wanted to kidnap me or do weird shit -but, I feel blessed that it didn’t go further.

I salute all the women who survived and thrived!
Brava, one and all!

by my boss who was also friends with my father. He threw me up against a wall and went at me. I got a way by using the move my brother taught me. I am small so I just slid down the wall into a squat and knocked him off his feet and fled. I told my father but he thought I "over reacted" and that I "should feel complimented". The man was 35 - 40 years older than me. Obviously my father and I NEVER saw eye to eye over anything.

That was the only physical thing but I have had misogynistic things said to me by men of all ages.

(mine too) Cheers!

His big idea for careers for us girls was .................................cocktail waitress. My sister and I are college grads with professional jobs. Thank God our brother did a 180 and is nothing like our dad. My brother is a wonderful person.

Our mother left him when we were teens and when she passed we all stayed with her in hospice the month she died. Our dad died and we had to pull lots to see who HAD to fly down to Florida to bring his ashes back.

a couple times walking by a construction site where I used to work. It was embarrassing. Comments and gropes by jerks don’t really bother me.

My main concern is the things I can’t do because I’m afraid I might get killed. Namely, hike when I travel alone. This REALLY burns me.

I'm 66 now. Married since 1982. Plenty of crappy dates before that, and some gross/unwelcome kisses. Fortunately, never raped, nor feared for my safety.

3 incidents stand out - rather tame, compared to what I have read from others here, but memorable nonetheless.

When I was 8 or 9, I was in the front yard of our rented house in a neighborhood with lots of kids of all ages. I was sitting on the hood of my dad's car. It was summer time, and I was wearing shorts. The older brother of a friend of mine, who was 13, reached between my legs and pinched me hard. I told my mom, who kept an eagle eye on him until we moved from that neighborhood 2 years later.

Middle school - 7th grade homeroom was the pits. My own last name is Ball. Lots of jokes. The athletic ones were no big deal, but the anatomic ones were a real drag. Every morning, one of my jerky male classmates would leer at me every morning, and say, "Hi, Ball. How're they hangin'?" His buddies, at least 5 of them, would snicker and guffaw. I used to dread walking into that room. Finally, one morning, after rehearsing it in my head many times, I looked him in the eye after his usual greeting, and said, "Fine, thanks. And how are yours?" His buddies laughed even harder at my rejoinder, which felt pretty good. He never said it again, and I felt a certain triumph. One of his buddies later expressed quiet admiration for my riposte, and treated me respectfully from then, on all the way thru high school.

While on my first Air Force nurse corps assignment in San Antonio, in 1976, I attended a mandatory session on equal opportunity and sexual harassment. The military was making an effort as more and more women were joining. The Lt. Col who ran the class seemed very sincere. Imagine my surprise when he later tried to make a move on me. It didn't go anywhere.

On a related note, here is a copy of one of my posts from another thread (Men's jobs are sacred), in response to a comment that "We are also trained that it our fault for arousing them":


That is for damn sure.

My mom, now 95 and a retired nurse, beat it into my head that not only was I responsible for my own sexual behavior, I was also in charge of that of any guy I dated. The basic gist of the message was that men were so easily aroused that women had to be very careful not to allow this to happen, because to cause sexual arousal and not "follow through" with intercourse was cruel - erections that were not allowed to proceed to their usual conclusion were unbearably painful.

Any time I indulged in more than a handful of kisses, I feared I was courting disaster. Like pretty much all moms of daughters, she feared a teen or out of wedlock pregnancy. Understandable. The conditioning was very effective. I was almost 23 when I chose to cross the no-longer-a-virgin threshold, and I made damn sure I was on the pill before I did so.

I also think women are conditioned to always "be nice," and not hurt people's feelings. How many of us have gone on a second or third date with a guy we didn't really care for at all on the first date, because we worried he would think we were mean if we turned him down? I certainly did.

In one way, I have been fortunate. Most of the harassers have not been people who have had power over me (bosses, landlords, etc.). I must give credit to some men in my life for standing up to these people for me. There have been plenty of jerks, but some heroes as well.

not for long though - I kick their ass - that is my nature

I've been in a few situations, but I didn't stay in them. I also made it damn clear that I wasn't GOING to stay in them.

The one good thing that I (personally) believe is going to come out of all of this is going to be the discussion of how women, and particularly young women, need to be empowered. I was raised by parents who taught me that it was okay to stand up for yourself. Okay to cause a scene if that's what had to be done. I raised my daughter the same way.

It goes along with bullying. YES, we need to make people stop bullying, but hand-in-hand with that, we need to empower people not to be intimidated by bullies and let bullying affect self-esteem, etc. for decades.

It's perfectly all right to set boundaries.

sincerely, I pity the man who tries to mess with you

he fared far worse

My ignorant guess is that smaller women get it the worst but what do I know.

Last edited Mon Nov 20, 2017, 07:50 PM - Edit history (1)

but I have five brothers and served in the military; I do not suffer fools very well, no INDEED

There was a guy at work who I avoided for a year, if I saw him coming, I went the other way. I complained to the nice guy who trained me (I was still fairly new) and he said I couldn't do anything since I didn't report to the guy. He was eventually disciplined for his behavior towards someone else. Fortunately, it was only an unpleasant memory, know much worse has happened to others, but there were numerous similar incidents that happened over the years - and I know I'm not alone.

including on DU.

his comment to you.

Flashers when I was very young. A raging rape culture in college, which included many unreported rapes among my friends, some of them quite violent. I was lucky and was not raped, but the experience opened my eyes. Some of the perpetrators were boys I had previously considered friends and "nice guys." I'm sure they thought of themselves that way too. Though I was not raped, I came to understand that a woman can never really know if she is safe. This changed me fundamentally.

Continuous in my early jobs including being groped and cornered, being joked about to my face, being called a member of one boss's "harem" by another executive, and being called "cannon fodder" when I was one of the young attractive women who was required to wine and dine prospective clients "and make him feel like he's on a date." Lower pay and expectation of more servility than is required of men on every job until I got a union job.

Gropings on trains, men who required conversation on trains and yelled insults at me or followed me or threatened me when I did not give it to them. Friends' fathers propositioning me.

And that is in addition to the daily cat calls that a woman received in those days simply for walking down the street from the age of about 12 to about 45.

Now I am older. The harassment takes a much different form. An older woman is invisible. This is much preferable to being "visible" but it often takes forms that are quite rude and perplexing. A surprising percentage of man do not feel they owe civility to women they don't want to fuck. I am not vulnerable any more, though, which is an enormous relief.

caller ID pretty much took care of that

It started in my teens.

Even at my age now, I get what I consider inappropriate questions.

I’ve never considered myself a victim; and my mother taught me that sadly, there are numerous men who act that way. The decent ones don’t.

Everything from inappropriate touching by (classmate/boss/teacher/coworker/friend/relative) to kissing by boss/friend of boyfriend/husband of friend to catcalls, inappropriate jokes by coworkers, inappropriate comments from the guy at the emissions' place, plumber, asked out by the Georgia power worker (I posted about that on DU years ago)... to a serious stalker.

I would not be considered attractive by anyone here and yet this shit still happens. I don't get it.

eye opening for some I hope.

But I don't know a woman who has not been sexually harassed in some way. I feel fortunate that I've never been physically sexually assaulted. But from the time an adult neighbor unzipped his pants and masturbated in front of me when I was 5, I've been subjected to sexual harassment in different ways over the years from strangers, casual acquaintances, co-workers and bosses. Other women speaking out has triggered some long suppressed memories.

Fortunately, once I reached middle age, men stopped the catcalls, flashing themselves, pinching/grabbing my bottom, making comments about my breasts, crude questions such as "does the carpet match the drapes", etc. Growing older and becoming "invisible" to men has been a relief.

And appalling. I would apologize for the behavior of fellow males, but it would ring hollow I think.

Starting at 7.

And unless the action was really over the top, we never talked about it. We might issue warnings, though. If there was a particular guy, say at work, who was hands on or creepy, you'd warn new employees in your department - watch out for X. We all knew what it meant. Maybe not exactly the degree that X was inappropriate, but the message was clear.

Any woman who is surprised by this, has blinders on. Probably religious ones.

Moved to Fort Collins in April.

Met the neighbor as he walked by with his girlfriend in June. Just a 30-second exchange of pleasantries. I never run into him again.

On Halloween I'm sitting in my living room watching TV, the back door opens, in wanders the neighbor dressed in a long blonde wig for the holiday, "I'm trying to get a feel for the layout of this place, I've never been in here", trying to hug me and touch me "I'd really like to hang out with you".

WALKS INTO MY HOUSE WITH A SEX MISSION BECAUSE HE KNEW A WOMAN LIVED THERE
WHAT THE FUCK

I believe you of course. Just absolutely bizarre and sick.

Not quite 13, some slightly older boy grabbed my crotch. My reaction was wth, eww. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents.

16, was grabbed and French kissed by an 18 yr old. My reaction was wth, ewww. I was to embarrassed to tell anyone and worried I'd caught a std when had a rash a month later.

Raped by an abusive boyfriend. Raped by someone I had willingly had sex with who refused to let me go when I said enough, repeatedly.

Told too many times top "smile, you're so pretty when you smile".

Butt grabbed more times than I can count. Screamed at when I said no to sex "wtf is your problem!". Was told "what's the matter, aren't you on the pill" when said no to sex to a jerk.

Been scared at night visiting friends in the city, and even in my small town when a couple jerks made rude comments as I walked by (I was 42).

I've worked mostly with women in my jobs, which helped avoid a lot of job related harassment.

Having been born in '57 and been of working age from around '74, I cannot begin to count how many unwanted advances I've endured not only by supervisors and bosses, but other male co-workers. It simply went with the territory and even though I was annoyed by it, it would never have occurred to me to report it, nor would it have done any good. On the contrary, I would have been labeled a trouble maker if not outright fired.

OTOH, I have also had some wonderful male bosses, too. I worked as a secretary for a pediatrician for over ten years and he was such a mensch. Madly in love with his wife whom he married at eighteen, one-hundred percent family man. Loved his job and all children in general. I still visit him at the cemetery from time to time and leave a stone.

Looking back on it, I didn't know at the first time, because I was about 10 yrs old. This big kid visiting his grandmother in the neighborhood cornered me in my playhouse, and started "tickling" me. I screamed bloody murder, my mom came out, called his grandmother. She walked down to get him, and whacked him all the way home.

Yeah, right. How many days have I been alive since age 11? I'll just go with 18,250.

It's so frequent it is just background noise. Of the ones that rise above the daily noise, by being so substantial they stand out as distinct events - about a dozen (ranging from grabbing my breasts to rape (twice - one stranger, one date))

daily lives.

more then once had some creep deliberately squeeze by me making sure their body touched my butt.

I'm sure I'll think of more.

Thanks steve for posting, and for a much needed education for us maies from all responded.

Two that I thought were very dangerous. I escaped though.

Exposures:
1. 2x a male exposing self
1. was sitting in his parked car at shopping center near He called to me and exposed himself when I turned to look toward him. I got his license number as he sped off and told a male friend who was able to identify him and contacted him. He said this flasher was stunned by the call, kept apologizing, and was scared.

2. public library reading at a carrel in library basement. Man next to me whispered to me to look. He was exposed. He jumped up, looked petrified, guilty, anxious and said "sorry, sorry, and rushed out.
(Arrgh-I sort of felt sorry for him-I think his behavior was compulsive and his experiencing extreme fear was part of his compulsive behavior).


In the 2 incidents above I did not want to make police reports.

2. social gathering:danced with police captain who was acquaintance of my friends. He performed a Trump "grab 'em by the p***y. I left the dance floor and told the group I was with immediately and they took care of it -no violence but loud denunciation.

3. At a movie theater for a matinee when I was about 13. Young adult male came and sat next to me and began sliding his hand up under my skirt. I felt frozen with fear or shock and then got up and rushed to the lobby but was afraid to tell anyone. Another girl who followed kept asking me what he had done but I could not answer her.
He then approached me in the lobby and said he wanted to be my boyfriend. I and the other girl left the theater and ran out into the crowded street where it felt safer in bright daylight. He did not follow.

In adulthood I participated in a group focused on sexual predation and several women had this same "frozen" reaction to incidents in occurring at young ages(preteen)-many had had childhood incidents where they froze, and if something happened to them later they seemed to revert to that behavior.

4. As a 4 year old I, and another girl about 5, wandered away from my yard to a beach area nearby and were called to and touched in a sexual way by an older man - he was a a boarder in the house of a female teacher who lived next door.
We were scared and did not know what to do but we heard my mother calling (we were not supposed to have left they yard-we had been "bad.&quot and we ran toward my house. The other girl said "don't tell" and we didn't.

I decided to answer your question because I think women just telling their experiences is going to help move us all beyond this craziness.

We men need to hear the truth. It has helped me.

The answers will be very eye opening. Sad, but true.

Is that what you're alluding to ?

Only 1x for me. I think men harassing women is far far far far more widespread.

of course there's men harassing other men, and women harassing other women.