Seriously though, I am sure Trump will turn down asshole of the year. But he owns it anyway.

I didn't have time to wait for it.

Turned it down because I would get too cold in the photo shoot.
It is almost winter you know.

... but I had to turn it down because some narcissistic sociopath had already claimed it. ... outright cheated and stole it from me!

My writing don't leave time for no publik speakin.

What else did you expect?

but I forgot and didn't book my tickets until Jan of 2003.

I don't believe Time has awarded "Man/Person of the Year" to the same person two times in a row. That would be history by itself.

I can't see Trump refusing that kind of thing.

Also, Business Woman of the Year.

I was an E-4 (with enough points to be an E-6) but in order to become a Sgt E-5 I would have to go to a month of Primary Leadership Development Course which was basically another month of basic training. I was "short" - less then a year left - and would have had to stop hanging out with my friends so I declined.

This was just after the first Gulf War. The Army was in full "Peace Dividend" mode. Lots of lifers were worried about getting let loose and lots of guys who wanted to make the Army a career weren't sure what was coming next. Normally I would have just been promoted but the DoD had added the stipulation that you had to go through certain schools before being promoted.

They came to me and asked if I wanted the next spot at PLDC. I asked who was behind me and they told me - this guy was an orphan. No foster homes, he grew up in an actual orphanage. His wife was also an orphan. Literally no family of any kind. I said, "No but thanks. Let _______ go". I knew he wanted to make the Army his life.

I did something umpteen gazillion steps down from that the other day, letting someone have my slot at a holiday dinner.

You have a big heart.

I was so short I didn't see where putting that I was a Sargent on a resume would make that much of a difference - it doesn't, just having military service on there has paid off several times.

Also I had my own room in the barracks and privacy in the military is highly coveted.

dollars. Scams. 💰💰💰

"Who's who" book. The problem was they never got my name right.

But I can’t remember which event it was.

Last edited Sun Nov 26, 2017, 07:35 PM - Edit history (1)

I don't have enough empty spaces left on my walls.

the Swedish Parliament that due to my deep concern for wild Lutfisk would prevent me from accepting the award

And I'm proud to take credit for the fact no Nobel Prizes in Mathematics have been awarded in recent years

I won it on a forfeit. My opponent showed up.

But I keep putting off going to the ceremony to get it.

but I put it off

I'm just too modest of a fella to accept such praise, even though I bust my hump regularly.

You name it, they wanted to give it to me! Turned them all down! Too busy winning everything to take the time to accept all those awards they insisted I deserve!
Sound familiar?

is mine...I've consistently turned down the "longest fart" award.

To be honest though, it wasn’t a big sacrifice. He lived above his parent’s garage, and had BO.

...for Saving Life. Saved somebody from choking with the Heimlich maneuver. Didn't want to do the paperwork...