Settling Diplomatic Disputes Between Hostile Ethnic Groups Is Nothing Like Drilling For Oil

by Rex Tillerson

When Donald Trump asked me to be his secretary of state, I was honored to be given such an extraordinary opportunity to serve my country. I was confident I could transition from my job as the CEO of ExxonMobil to become America’s chief diplomat. But after 10 months in my new role, I’m beginning to think that maybe settling complicated disputes between historically hostile groups of people is quite a bit different than drilling for oil.

As it turns out, the two occupations really don’t have much in common at all.

Discovering new oil reserves and finding ways to extract them is one thing, but serving as a mediator in foreign conflicts between dozens of warring factions whose discord goes back years, if not centuries, is actually another thing entirely. I figured the four decades I spent locating places to drill for oil would translate extremely well to navigating the complex histories of other cultures in order to negotiate delicate compromises that prevent the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people. I thought there would be some similarities there, but apparently that’s just not the case. Seriously, I was way off on that one.

Truth be told, when I walked into the State Department on Day 1, I was convinced I’d be well-equipped to deal with ISIS and Bashar al-Assad in Syria, having previously worked with submersible pumps to draw hydrocarbons buried deep within the earth up to the surface for eventual refinement and sale. But come to find out, bringing peace to Syria has a lot to do with understanding the dozens of shifting alliances between various government forces, armed rebel groups, and supranational jihadist militants, and very little to do with, say, selecting the proper drilling fluid. I know that now.

https://www.theonion.com/you-know-now-that-i-think-about-it-settling-diplomati-1820799747