General Discussion

RandySF

(58,896 posts) Thu Dec 14, 2017, 11:43 AM Dec 2017

Even I had to learn a lesson about how I act around women.

I am a big man. I am 6'4" and (no, I am not going to tell you how much I weigh) with long legs and a fast step. I could just be walking to the corner grocery store and still be in a hurry. Yet I only just recently learned that my impatience could have been an unintentionally threatening signal to women. I did notice that female pedestrians would look back at me from time to time, but it was only recently that I learned that a woman walking alone does not fully know my true intentions and has to prepare herself for the possibility that I mean to do her harm. So I have been taking steps (no pun intended) to slow down a bit, or cross the street earlier if my destination requires me to do so eventually. I wish I understood this earlier and feel bad for any anxiety I might have caused in the last.

7 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Even *I* had to learn a lesson about how I act around women. (Original Post) RandySF Dec 2017 OP

I've been confronted with the same thing. Aristus Dec 2017 #1

Walk backwards. ret5hd Dec 2017 #2

I'm not as tall as you, but built like a barrel and mythology Dec 2017 #3

Thanks for your perception and changing your behavior. WhiskeyGrinder Dec 2017 #4

you are forgiven, but a better idea instead of walking slower- cartwheels snooper2 Dec 2017 #5

Skipping! ret5hd Dec 2017 #6

I notice women smiling at me on the street if our eyes meet. maxsolomon Dec 2017 #7

Aristus

(66,381 posts)

1. I've been confronted with the same thing.

Reply to RandySF (Original post)

Thu Dec 14, 2017, 11:51 AM

Dec 2017

I'm not as tall as you (except maybe across the shoulders), but I move pretty quickly when I'm on the job, dashing back and forth between exam rooms all day. A few years ago, my MA supervisor told me the MA's were a little intimidated by me. Which I thought was weird; I'm the least-intimidating person on the planet. I cry when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes, for Pete's sake!

Turns out they thought my fast pace was a sign of anger, or something. I've tried to slow it down a little. But the time-constraints of modern clinical medicine make that difficult. But now that the staff of the clinics where I work know me pretty well, it's no longer an issue.

They like working with me now, because I try to make sure they get to go home on time. My supervising physician is a pretty slow-mover, and his staff routinely leave the clinic an hour and a half after closing. They like it when I show up. "Yay! Bob's here! We get to go home on time tonight!"

I feel for you. Big guys get a bad rap.

ret5hd

(20,493 posts)

2. Walk backwards.

Reply to RandySF (Original post)

Thu Dec 14, 2017, 11:54 AM

Dec 2017

mythology

(9,527 posts)

3. I'm not as tall as you, but built like a barrel and

Reply to RandySF (Original post)

Thu Dec 14, 2017, 12:02 PM

Dec 2017

Perpetually grumpy looking. I generally make it a point to walk slower and keep to the light at night to at least help dispel any negative appearance. If I have to ask directions, I make sure to stop in a well lit area, hands visible, not move forward like I'm trying to close space.

And then there is my oblivious former friend who did the exact opposite and once while driving, stopped, rolled the window down and called a 6 year old kid we know from martial arts over to the car even though he was with his grandmother who didn't know us. I tried explaining why neither of those are good, but his girlfriend found him suggesting she could change in front of him the second time they met, that fell on deaf ears.

Being a big white guy means there are a lot of negative things I don't regularly have to consider. It doesn't hurt me to remember others do.