when I roll in for a burger or an egg McMuffin . . . "You know what this is missing? Kale." is a phrase that has never and likely will never pass my lips or cross my mind.

Kale = progressive. That's a vicious stereotype. We don't all look alike. We don't all eat kale and and water cleanse our colons.

I kid, really. Nothing wrong with new items, and kale hardly seems like the star of the meal as this article/headline implies.

trying some dried, salted kale. That looked like a neat snack.

I make my own all the time. They're super easy to make and taste so good I usually eat them all while they're still warm.

all the veggies in the crucifer family - cabbages, brocolli, cauliflower, collards as well as kale. There's evidence these are cancer-fighting veggies.

What I'd really like to see is McD's offering organic food. Otherwise, they're serving up BigAg poisons via the food chain.

The collapse of the American burger fast food industry is inevitable.

Tweaking their menus with crap nobody wants has failed over and over. They still sell enough burgers and fries to play, but the end is near.

McDonald's has three problems.

Problem 1: Flavor. They cook every sandwich they make to appeal to little kids - who can't hold most of the sandwiches McDonald's makes.

Problem 2: WAY too many items on the menu. They have burgers AND chicken AND fish AND pork AND wraps AND who the hell knows what else.

Problem 3: Their staff. Too many of them don't give a shit, because shit is not free.

I have three solutions.

Solution 1: Cook to order.

Solution 2: Clean 90 percent of that crap off the menu.

Solution 3: Up wages to $12.50 minimum systemwide and replace the apathetic crew members with ones who care.

Like...oh, I don't know, maybe seasonings for the patties?

Dear McDonald's, if you're listening: The reason you are struggling is your food is bland. Add a "kid's hamburger" and "kid's cheeseburger" to your menu (which would be the exact same hamburger and cheeseburger you already sell) and turn the rest of the burgers on the menu into something attuned to adult palates. Go back to a fry oil blend that's 50 percent suet; the "beef flavoring" you put in the oil now is a poor attempt to make the fries taste like they used to. It ain't working and if the idea behind dropping the suet was to bring vegans into the store forget it - no self-respecting vegan would be caught dead in McDonald's anyway.

but then, I love vegetables. I get the idea that most McDonalds customers aren't as enthusiastic about leafy green vegetables as I am.

I'll be the first to sample the clown's new menu...

... if they thought of serving their burgers on real bread buns instead of that foam rubber fake-ass crap they serve now. Or using a higher quality of beef in their burgers . Or just reducing the overall amount of preservatives they use.

I cracks me up that the brain trust overpaid smartest men in the room think that their customers want a kale garnish.

Give me food that actually decomposes. Give me hamburger that doesn't taste like ammonia. Make adding vegetables easy and optional by cooking to order. Think about it, braintrust. Your company is tanking because you offer food only half a step above gas-station food. Also, when I see McDonalds in the gas-station, that sort of messes with your brand as well I think.

but I wouldn't be holding my breath.