Some autistic people find comfort in specific objects. What happens when they’re not available anymore?

The stability that comes with a particular food or device can be disrupted if it’s lost, broken, or discontinued. That’s where the internet comes in.

By Sarah Kurchak Oct 4, 2019, 8:00am EDT

After 12 years of loyal and increasingly glitchy service, my beloved sixth-generation black 80GB iPod Classic finally died this summer, taking a small chunk of my ability to function in the outside world with it. I’m autistic, and the media player had become a mix of a sensory regulation aid and security blanket for me. Smoothing my thumb around the click wheel was one of my favorite stims (a repetitive movement that many autistic people can use to help self-regulate). Making and listening to playlists — generally one to three carefully selected songs on repeat — helped me drown out other potentially overwhelming noises when I was out in public. And it gave me something to focus on when I was struggling with anxiety or dissociation.

I’ve been a bit lost since the iPod’s demise, but the only thing that upsets me more than not having it is the idea of replacing it with anything other than the same iPod. Just thinking about having to adjust to a media player that operates and fits in my hand in a slightly different manner — or even having to look at it in a different color — viscerally upsets me in a way I can’t quite articulate. So I’ve been spending a lot of time on eBay, looking at the refurbished sixth-generation black 80GB iPod Classics that are available and trying to determine which refurbisher I should order from. And how many I should get.

Autistic people can have an aversion to change and disruption. “Reality to an autistic person is a confusing, interacting mass of events, people, places, sounds and sights,” autistic writer and researcher Therese Jolliffe explained in “Autism: A personal account.” “There seem to be no clear boundaries, order or meaning to anything. A large part of my life is spent trying to work out the pattern behind everything. Set routines, times, particular routes and rituals all help to get order into an unbearably chaotic life. Trying to keep everything the same reduces some of the terrible fear.”

TRYING TO PROCURE THE GOODS WE WANT AND/OR NEED BECOMES YET ANOTHER THING THAT AUTISTIC PEOPLE DO ATYPICALLY.

This effort to establish some stability is often reflected in the way we use consumer goods. We might only wear particular pieces of clothing or only eat a limited number of foods — sometimes only when they come in a specific package. We tend to use the same items over and over again until they fall apart, or we lose them.

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Sometimes replacing a necessary item isn’t an issue of supply but finances. The unemployment rate among college-educated autistic adults is 85 percent. Meaningful support for autistic individuals is often costly and underfunded.

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