"Goodbye, Red States!" - very funny essay
http://tpzoo.wordpress.com/2008/10/24/goodbye-red-states/http://www.bettybowers.com/nl_redorblue.html
From above link:
Dear Red States:
Weve decided were leaving. We intend to form our own country, and were taking the other Blue States with us. In case you arent aware, that includes:
California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole Miss. We get 85 percent of Americas venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalitions, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and were going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids theyre apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they dont care if you dont show pictures of their childrens caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the WMDs turn up, but were not willing to spend our resources in Bushs Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the countrys fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nations fresh fruit, 95 percent of Americas quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Berkeley, Cal Tech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless were discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
Finally, were taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
Blue States
anobserver2
(836 posts)Marie Marie
(9,999 posts)to what they pay in. Let's see you blance your budgets without us blue states.
codjh9
(2,781 posts)anobserver2
(836 posts)Check out the graphic of the map and click on it in the link. Some very funny stuff.
DJ13
(23,671 posts)At least back in 2004 since it mentioned Worldcom.
Doc Holliday
(719 posts)says Oct. 24, 2008.
can also take the large cities in most of these red states with us and charge the hinterlands to use our facilities for services. The local city governments can declare independence. The hinterland is on their own.
Trueblue Texan
(2,443 posts)I live in the big ol' red state of Texas and I'm a PROUD liberal Democrat. There are more of us here than you think and we get damn tired of the entire state, which we happen to love, being characterized as backward and right wing. How 'bout some encouragement? We have come farther than you realize and commentary like this certainly hasn't helped.
anobserver2
(836 posts)NO offense intended!
nightscanner59
(802 posts)As I see it. Same have recognized the blue stripe running through the bible belt cities all the way from Austin to Birmingham. Austin has the longest reputation of being a liberal island in a sea of conservatism for half a century. UT Austin and the city in the seventies had instituted far more progressive programs that sadly didn't continue--- no fare bus system paid by taxes, for instance. Costs and freeways to the expanded city overwhelmed that.
The more much of the younger generation loses grandpa telling them about the good ole days.... reality will sink in how that system just doesn't fly anymore. The south is turning blue.
MatthewStLouis
(904 posts)I have always admired those who can laugh at themselves.
"If you can't laugh at yourself, then how can you laugh at anybody else? I think people see the human side of you when you do that."
-Payne Stewart
Ednahilda
(195 posts)but I think that we Northeasterners will want to have some say in our new national name. New California? Really?