Stephen Colbert prepares to rule the world after NY Stock Exchange meltdown

On Wednesday, the New York Stock Exchange was frozen for four hours due to a technical glitch, prompting some people to question the stability of our bustling global financial infrastructure.

Stephen Colbert released a video in the aftermath of the trading freeze in which he volunteered to step up and rule the post-apocalyptic hellscape that the world is destined to become without Wall Street as its throbbing financial nexus.

“Worship me, you minions of the worldwide wasteland!” he cried, before volunteering to mate with a chicken named “Vindaloo” if that’s what is necessary to repopulate the world.