Colbert: Colin Kaepernick's Bold Stance is Technically a Bold Sit.

As for me, I've never sung the national anthem because I can't sing and I won't put my hand over my heart because that's where my boobs are and I'm not going to sexually harass myself in public without at least getting paid for it; I might stand if everyone else does as I'm afraid of getting yelled at by large scary people. The flag is a piece of fabric -- I can't get teary-eyed over a red, white and blue rectangle while pretending to sing (like all the boring Sundays I had to pretend to sing when my parents dragged me to church) and touching myself (which makes me think about buying a new bra, resulting in me spending the entire holy patriotic anthem time thinking about underwear). I don't know.