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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsNation's Oppressed Christians Huddle Underground To Light Single Shriveled Christmas Shrub
Last edited Sun Dec 10, 2017, 05:17 PM - Edit history (1)
FROM THE ONION:
Nations Oppressed Christians Huddle Underground To Light Single Shriveled Christmas Shrub
12/10/15 11:37am
UNDISCLOSED LOCATIONPersecuted and driven into hiding because of their beliefs, the nations oppressed Christians reportedly huddled in a secret underground bunker late Wednesday night to decorate and light a single withered Christmas shrub.
At great personal risk, the Christians were said to have smuggled in a few strings of colored mini lights, tinsel, popcorn garlands, Hallmark Keepsake ornaments, and other contraband in order to trim the shrub inside the subterranean chamber, the last place in America where they were safe to celebrate Christmas.
We have come together today to observe a Christian holiday that has been all but stamped out on the surface, said a man who wished to be identified only as Greg, after hanging a figurine of Mickey Mouse dressed as Santa Claus from one of the shrubs boughs. I cant say this humble bush is much of a Christmas tree, but it was the largest we could manage to get here, given the circumstances. Let us remember, though, that to merely celebrate Christmasto exchange gifts and eat our candy canes in peacewithout the government or the powerful secular elite coming in and destroying it is a blessing in itself.
....
It was difficult and dangerous to get here, but its all worth it to actually be able to celebrate the birth of Jesus, said a 42-year-old teacher from Virginia who refused to give her name as she helped flock the shrub with a spray can of fake snow and arranged gifts of Yankee Candles and Amazon gift cards underneath its meager branches. Unfortunately, this is the only way we can practice our beliefs now that corporations, the media, and our elected leaders have all conspired to remove every trace of Christmas from the country.
12/10/15 11:37am
UNDISCLOSED LOCATIONPersecuted and driven into hiding because of their beliefs, the nations oppressed Christians reportedly huddled in a secret underground bunker late Wednesday night to decorate and light a single withered Christmas shrub.
At great personal risk, the Christians were said to have smuggled in a few strings of colored mini lights, tinsel, popcorn garlands, Hallmark Keepsake ornaments, and other contraband in order to trim the shrub inside the subterranean chamber, the last place in America where they were safe to celebrate Christmas.
We have come together today to observe a Christian holiday that has been all but stamped out on the surface, said a man who wished to be identified only as Greg, after hanging a figurine of Mickey Mouse dressed as Santa Claus from one of the shrubs boughs. I cant say this humble bush is much of a Christmas tree, but it was the largest we could manage to get here, given the circumstances. Let us remember, though, that to merely celebrate Christmasto exchange gifts and eat our candy canes in peacewithout the government or the powerful secular elite coming in and destroying it is a blessing in itself.
....
It was difficult and dangerous to get here, but its all worth it to actually be able to celebrate the birth of Jesus, said a 42-year-old teacher from Virginia who refused to give her name as she helped flock the shrub with a spray can of fake snow and arranged gifts of Yankee Candles and Amazon gift cards underneath its meager branches. Unfortunately, this is the only way we can practice our beliefs now that corporations, the media, and our elected leaders have all conspired to remove every trace of Christmas from the country.
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Nation's Oppressed Christians Huddle Underground To Light Single Shriveled Christmas Shrub (Original Post)
mahatmakanejeeves
Dec 2017
OP
Can you edit the OP to say it's from The Onion? The link goes there but not everyone will
spooky3
Dec 2017
#5
Don't do it ! Give the parody-impaired the benefit of a learning experience. nt
eppur_se_muova
Dec 2017
#10
Turbineguy
(37,331 posts)1. Poor devils.
Sounds like they are suffering from a mine shaft gap.
Mopar151
(9,983 posts)7. Explain "mine shaft gap", please. n/t
Turbineguy
(37,331 posts)8. Dr. Strangelove
eppur_se_muova
(36,263 posts)9. ! nt
TwistOneUp
(1,020 posts)2. What a bunch of BS!
"Nation's oppressed christians" - what BS! The fundies and evangelicals are RUNNING THE COUNTRY, you lyin' sack! We are living in a theocracy. Everything being signed into law via executive order is being done on behalf of christians.
Nice try at playing the "poor, poor pitiful us" card.
Pure FAKE NEWS.
mahatmakanejeeves
(57,457 posts)3. It's the Lounge. Take a closer look.
Homer Wells
(1,576 posts)4. Hmmm
You do realize that this is 'The Onion'? This is not for the sarcasm impaired.
Angry Dragon
(36,693 posts)6. Onions make you cry
Laffy Kat
(16,379 posts)11. It's supposed to be humorous...
Don't get your twisty-ties all knotted-up.
spooky3
(34,455 posts)5. Can you edit the OP to say it's from The Onion? The link goes there but not everyone will
click on the link.
eppur_se_muova
(36,263 posts)10. Don't do it ! Give the parody-impaired the benefit of a learning experience. nt