This is the top to, uh, you know, what we use on stage, but it's very, very special because, if you can see, the numbers all go to eleven. Look… (pointing at the amp dials), right across the board. Eleven, eleven, eleven ...

...And the answer is none...None more black.

"Heavy metal's deep. You can get stuff out of it."
"What's wrong with being sexy?"
"Kick this ass for a man!"
"I'm just as god made me sir!"
"Mime is money."
"So when you're onstage you see yourself as a preserved moose."
"Don't look for it, it's not there anymore."
"We'd love to stay and chat, but we've got to go and wait in the lobby."

"You can't really dust vomit for fingerprints."

And:

Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail me now.

We got a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses...”

Clerks.

You know I love you baby...I ran out of gas...I had a flat tire...I didn’t have enough money for cab fair...my tux didn’t come back from the cleaners...an old friend came in from out of town....

(Such a great freaking scene)

"HOLD IT! Next person makes a move, the n----- get it!" "Oh, Baby, you are SO TALENTED!"

"Oh, it's TWUE, it's TWUE! Oh!"

Hysterically funny movie!

"What did he say?"

"He said the sheriff is near!"

"Oh!" [continues clapping]

-----
One of THE funniest movies ever!

==========

To ever be released today.

How about "We'll take the n____rs and the Chinks, but no Irish.

... media consumers seem to focus on getting offended at the WORDS, rather than listening to the MESSAGES.

=============

Last edited Fri Dec 15, 2017, 05:11 AM - Edit history (1)

the current sexual harassment climate but I finally said, "screw it", I posting it anyway.

Glad I did. One of the funniest movies ever.

We were talking about using cameras with big lenses, and I just blurted it out. I made it all the way to "whip" before I realized what I saying.

===============

At least, I'm pretty sure no. There was already some joking and laughter going on when I whipped out that line, and as I finished saying it I made sure to not react myself (so as to draw no more attention to it). Of course, I made no eye contact with anyone for a while after! lol

==========

He was nothing, the bitch was inventing the Candy Gram and they probably won't even give me credit for it.

that when she met Mel Brooks he grabbed her ass with both hands. Different times.

For You Tube Video:
Google "Blazing Saddles - Farting Cowboys - Greatest Fart Scene of All Time&quot

"... but I got better"

"I fart in your general direction..."

Ive actually used that line this week - I was out of work all last week with the flu, yesterday one of my colleagues saw I was back and asked me how I was doing.

"He said, the Greeks will inherit the Earth!"

and as they wheeled me from the prep area into the OR, I told everyone who was near that "I don't want to go on the cart....I feel Happeee! I want to go for a walk!"


Only a couple people got the reference!

I am just picturing that and it's cracking me up!

A truly great line from a very funny movie!

"Eet EEZ the rabbit!"

===========

Why do you say that?
He hasn't got shit all over him.

A scratch? Your arm's off!
No it isn't.

your father smelt of elderberries."

LES NESSMAN:
"This is Les Nessman, your on-the-scene reporter, here at the Cincinnati mall."
(People are walking around him, in the parking lot, wondering who the hell he is)
"The crowd is....curious!
Wait...I see an airplane...It's carrying a sign...and the sign says;
W......................K.....................R...................P
Now something just fell out of the airplane.......a skydiver, perhaps.
Now another one, and another, and another,,,,..,,I don't see any parachutes....It can't be skydivers.
OH MY GOD THEY'RE TURKEYS!
They're falling to the ground like sacks of wet cement!
The people here are running for their lives!
One just fell through the windshield of a parked car!
Oh the humanity!"

But Mr Carlson's line is, the real punch line! WKRP was not my favorite comedy, but that was my favorite episode, and the most memorable.

Shirley!

Airplane.

It's a big building with patients. But that's not important.

And, stop calling me Shirley.

Another of THE funniest movies ever!!

===========

Reporter -"Ok boys, let's takes some pictures." (guys remove pictures from the walls)

"Oh I can make a hat, or I can make a broach, or a I can make a pterodactyl..."

"Billy, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?"

(Also)
"You want a toe?..I can get you a toe by 3 O'clock this afternoon"

“This is your wife, huh? Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.” — Al Czervik

“He’s a Cinderella story. A former assistant groundskeeper about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac… It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!” — Carl Spackler

Rodney Dangerfield.
(Also from Caddyshack)

You scratched my anchor?

I haven't watched it in years. My tape is a Beta. Lol.

Im with you fellas!.

No woman ever slept with me and lived.

"Yellowbeard".

“I’ve always loved you.”

From "Rat Race"

I don't think we need any.

Saying, Let me tell you this, or I just want to say that. Well your dead, so shut up!

From Planes, Trains and Automobiles: Steve Martin to John Candy as they woke up next to each other, with Candy's hand - he thought - between two pillows.

That line was later followed by Martin "drying" his face unknowingly with Candy's oversized underwear. By that time I was crying and laughing so hard that I thought I was going to have a seizure.

My favorite comedy of all time.

made my whole body a weapon."

Rachael Welch and Rob Lowe.

- Dusty Bottoms (Chevy Chase) unable to keep a taco from falling apart as he, Ned, and Lucky are being honored in a small Mexican town.

I have three demands. One: That you stop harassing the innocent people of Santa Poco. Two: That the land of Mexico... be redistributed equally among the people... and a proportional system of government be established... consisting of three separate, but equal, branches... the legislative, the executive and the judicial. And three: (Gets choked by El Guapo) That the girl Carmen be returned to me unharmed.
- Lucky Day (Steve Martin)

Throw down your guns!
*All Mexican banditos drop their guns along with Dusty Bottoms*
Not you, Dusty!
Sorry! (quickly picks up gun again, points at bandito and smiles up at Lucky)
- Lucky Day and Dusty Bottoms

Three Amigos. I used to watch it once a week in college.

TlalocW

"...he really is an idiot." From Duck Soup, the greatest of all the Marx Brothers films...and thus, automatically the greatest comedy ever...

"Naah...I don't like mint. What other flavor you got?"

A burp is not romantic

Imagine you're a deer. You're prancing along, you get thirsty, you spot a little brook, you put your little deer lips down to the cool clear water... BAM! A fuckin bullet rips off part of your head! Your brains are laying on the ground in little bloody pieces! Now I ask ya. Would you give a fuck what kind of pants the son of a bitch who shot you was wearing?

Vinny Gambini: [about his secondhand suit, which has an 18th-century look and is red] I bought a suit. You seen it. Now it's covered in mud. This town doesn't have a one hour cleaner so I had to buy a new suit, except the only store you could buy a new suit in has got the flu. Got that? The whole store got the flu so I had to get this in a second hand store. So it's either wear the leather jacket, which I know you hate, or this. So, I wore this ridiculous thing for you.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: Are you on drugs?
Vinny Gambini: No. I don't do drugs.
Judge Chamberlain Haller: I don't like your attitude.

Also, from the same movie: "Shit, I knew it, an insurance salesman. I've already got Prudential."

Chicken??

... and I'll go to your funeral in a red dress."

Cher (as Loretta Castorini) in Moonstruck.

“I could lay under you, eat fried chicken, and work a crossword puzzle at the same time”

🤣

Major Kong!

"Gentlemen! You can't fight in here, this is the war room!"

Precious bodily fluids

I am impressed with the 2 laws of funny lines:

1) very few lines are inherently funny

and its corollary

2) context is everything



continue

" I got green sandwiches, and brown sandwiches."

but all that cough syrup i drank!

"Nothin' but the best!"

Last edited Sat Dec 23, 2017, 07:03 PM - Edit history (1)

AUDREY:
So what, everybody does that!

COUSIN VICKI:
"Yeah, but daddy says I'm the best!"

come out sideways...she didn't scream or nothin."