From a German newspaper (I translated), Here is our/your future (fair warning--scary!)

THIS IS OUR FUTURE
From a German newspaper:

Hello, is this Giovanni’s Pizza Service?

No, this is Google Pizza Service.

Sorry, I must have dialed the wrong number?

No, Google has bought this number.

OK, then I would like to order……

Would you like the usual?

The usual? How would you know?

According to our records, the last twelve times you called, you ordered a pizza with cheese, sausage and a thick crust.

OK, that is exactly what I want.

Might I suggest that this time, you order a pizza with Ricotta, rucola and dried tomatoes?

NO! I hate vegetables

But your cholesterol count is not good.

How would you know that?

From your health profile. We have your blood tests of the last seven years.

OK, but I don’t want that pizza. I have already taken my medication.

You haven’t taken it regularly. Four months ago, you bought a 30 tablet box from an online pharmacy.

I have shopped in another pharmacy.

That wasn’t deducted from your credit card account.

I paid cash.

According to your bank statement, you haven’t withdrawn enough cash to do that.

I have other sources of money.

You last tax return doesn’t indicate that, so you are talking about undeclared income.

TO HELL WITH YOU! Enough! I’ve had it up to here with Google, Facebook, Twitter, What’s App, and Konsorte. I’m going to an island where there’s no internet, no telephones, and where no one can spy on me.

We understand completely, but before you do that, you will have to renew your passport. Your last one expired five years ago.