DU is on a roll today! You made me laugh out loud!

Dear Sir:

We have been requested by the United States White House to contact you for assistance in resolving a matter. The Trump Towers Hotel and Casino LLC has recently concluded a large number of contracts for condominiums in Florida and South American and Kazakhstan. The contracts have immediately produced moneys equaling US $4,000,000. The Trump Towers Hotel and Casino LLC is desirous of buyers from all parts of the world, however, because of certain regulations of the US State Department, it is unable to move these funds to another region.

You assistance is requested as a non-US citizen to assist the Trump Towers Hotel and Casino LLC, and also the Alfa Bank JSC, in moving these funds out of Russia and the Ukraine. If the funds can be transferred to your name, in your bank account, then you can forward the funds as directed by the Alfa Bank JSC. In exchange for your accommodating services, the Trump Towers Hotel and Casino LLC would agree to allow you to retain 10%, or as much as US $4 million of this amount and own a beach front condo in the country of your choice. You will also receive an opportunity for membership in one of our exclusive golf clubs for a mere $200,000 (which can be deducted tax-free from your share of the exchange). The golf clubs are conveniently located in Florida, Ireland, and New Jersey.

However, to be a legitimate transferee of these moneys according to US law, you must presently be a depositor of at least US $1 million in a US bank which is regulated by the US Office of the Comptroller of the Currency of the US Federal Reserve System.

If it will be possible for you to assist us, we would be most grateful. We suggest that you meet with us in person in the Trump Towers, NY, and that during your visit I introduce you to the representatives of the Trump Towers Hotel and Casino LLC, as well as with certain members of the Trump family.

Please call me at your earliest convenience at 212-715-7290 or 202-456-1414. Time is of the essence in this matter; very quickly the US FBI will realize that the your bank is maintaining this amount on deposit, and attempt to levy certain depository taxes on it.

Yours truly,

Prince Jared and Princes Ivanka

.... and playing golf with King Orange Skid Mark and hanging out with all his porn stars.

That makes them stop.

That's why we have spam filters.

It has filters that would allow you to send stuff like that directly to trash, never landing in your inbox. Setting the filter(s) up to eliminate ALL of them will probably take awhile, but might be worth it. They are landing in your Spam folder, aren't they?

...I am still on AOL.

He is forever changing his service provider, and forever complaining about the one he has most recently switched to. AOL generally doesn't give me any trouble, so I have stayed put. I expect I would get trashy spam stuff from most providers.

Can you explain how the way I access the internet is somehow "not hip"? I just can't figure it out...

You could get emails from Trumps campaign asking you to donate to his campaign for Presidency like I did once
It was awful I trashed it right way but to make things worse it was actually in my In box not my spam box I felt so dirty.
It took awhile to get over that.

...keyboard becuase they like the warmth, and put weight on different keys, so who knows what they might have done. Other than that, I am the only one who uses it.

dating site ads.

I figured they thought if I spent so much time doing fantasy sports I must need a date.

may have just invited these spammers in. I never click on a link in an email anymore. But that doesn't necessarily keep the spammers away. Recently I too have gotten a flood of nasty emails. Just delete them. They may stop after a while.

And I don't think my brother would refer me to a dating site.

Friends and family would send emails with cute pictures, cat/dog videos, funny cartoons, inspirational thoughts for the day etc. Some were embedded right in the body of the email, others you had to click on a link. While some were probably innocent, others were probably gateways hackers would use to get to your email account. So I just stopped opening all of them altogether.