I really wish I was joking. He got a good thrashing, and became disenfranchised from our apartment.

mikey_the_rat

I have a rotating cast of squatters and buffoons.

A: Is my landlord. Was supposed to move out when I moved in. Sleeps on the floor. If it were just A and I, we'd be fine. Recently returned to Albania. May not come back.

Sb: Is A's mother. Also a floor-dweller. Speaks no English. Has inappropriate boundaries. Technically, comes to visit from Albania. Usually stays 4-6 months. Is devoutly Muslim and will chastise you in Albanian for hours for buying pork or having sex. Kleptomaniac. Enjoys raw organ meats which she will leave on other people's dishware in the fridge. Wails for no good reason.

St: Reclusive. Deferential. Will talk shit to other roommates behind your back. Insists on buying excessively-stinky sandalwood air-fresheners. St. and I could also get along if it were only St. and I.

L: The bane of my existence. Does not clean up after himself. Leaves every light and appliance he uses on. Owns nothing. Consistently takes and uses other people's stuff and leaves it dirty. Burns dinner nightly in my pans then leaves them for me to clean. Slams doors for no good reason. Is wealthy and entitled. Steals food.

J: L's fiance. She's just like him except she also clutters up the bathroom and kitchen with random lotions, tinctures and absurdities. Fortunately, she lives in NYC and I only have to see her one weekend a month. Pretty sure she uses my toothbrush and loofah. Despite being a Ph.D candidate and having a great job working in humanitarian aid for Africa, is dumb as a stick and somewhat self-centered.

It's like the apartment in L'Auberge Espagnole. Me and 5 foreigners sharing no common language living in a 3BR condo.

Seriously, A&E could do an episode on our apartment. The man hoards everything. He has every newspaper lying around the living room for the past 5 years. He buys DVDs but never watches them. Stacks upon stacks of DVDs, most of them are still shrink wrapped.

He picks old TVs and leave them in our living room. He has every scrap paper that he ever generated in his career also stacked up in the living room.

Once, I tried cleaning up, and he yelled at me.

I would move, but the rent is ridiculously cheap for NYC and the area that we live in.

Among many other things, she took all her personal issues out on me. And, boy she had some big ones! Debby was the biggest tightwad on the planet. She used to go in and turn down the thermostat on my water bed, and she would set the refrigerator's thermostat to a barely safe temperature in order to cut the power bills. I had several meals spoiled because of that, and since I was a poor grad student, it was usually the only food I had for the week. If anything broke around the house, it was always my fault, even if I was off visiting my family when it got broken. To call Debby "batshit crazy" would be insulting to bat shit. She is one of the reasons I will never again have a roommate if I can possibly avoid it.

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Brenda. Fairly attractive. SMOKIN' body. A naturalist (actually, an exhibitionist). Did some modeling for art
classes at our college. Asked me when she moved in if it would bother me if she walked around the apartment
nude.
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Tcha!!!!
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I had a VERY cool GF at the time who trusted me (and rightly so) -- so I thought this would be an EPIC roomie.
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There were so many things about her personality and habits that virtually immediately turned me off that I
resolved (kinda out of meanness, I guess -- knowing how exhibitionistic she was) that I would just refuse to
look at her (OK, I snuck an occasional discreet look). Drove her CRAZY... to the point where she would sit in a
chair 5 feet in front of where I was studying on the couch and drop several books to the floor within several
minutes with a mighty BANG!!!!
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That (and other ploys) didn't faze me a bit. MAN, was I ever focused on my studies.
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She eventually blew all her money one Christmas and had absolutely no money for January's rent and she
moved out.
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Now, many years later, GF-less, "social"-life-less, broke, a relative recluse... I think of that bounty of nakeditity...
and think to myself...
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WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE LEARNED TO FUCKING COMPARTMENTALIZE?!?!?!?
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"To call Debby "batshit crazy" would be insulting to bat shit." LOL. Thanks for the laugh.

We had a roommate who was an Ambien addict and had issues with an eating disorder.

I made a big batch of pie dough one night to use the next day and when we got up in the morning most of it was gone except the little bit that had bite marks on it.

She also flooded the bathtub in our third story condo which floode all the way to the basement causing all sorts of damage and denied anything happened.

There was the one who would wear my clothes, claim my cooking and sewing was hers in front of potential husbands (she had been married three times last I knew, all for money). Slept with our apartment manager when she didn't have her half of the rent and got drunk one night and latched the inside door lock so I was locked out and had to sleep in my car.

Then there was the art major, elitist slob/snob who always had her arty friends over. It became a problem when her love interest always wanted to know where I was. I was of course hiding in my room to study and to get away from her friends. I was a serious student and had no interest, but she became such a royal asshole after that, that I had to move out.