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pnwmom

(108,980 posts) Mon Mar 19, 2018, 04:19 PM Mar 2018

Any adult adoptees out there?

Just wondering what your opinions are.

My extended family likes to make a big deal out of St. Patrick's day. None of them live in my city so it hasn't really mattered. But this year my sister wanted me to send her pictures of all of us wearing the green, and (teasingly, she says) then chewed me out for not doing so.

I've been trying to explain to her that, with adopted grandchildren who don't share our cultural background, I haven't wanted to emphasize the difference. She insists that I should be proud of our Irish heritage, and that not wearing the green means that I'm not. (And she especially didn't like it when I pointed out that people like Paul Ryan and Steve Bannon are also Irish-American.)

She says that she went to a Mexican restaurant where lots of people were wearing green, and that it's a fun thing for everybody.

I think it might not be such a good thing for adoptive grandchildren to have relatives celebrating an ethnic background they don't share.

She says I'm "overreacting." I don't know. Am I?

9 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Any adult adoptees out there? (Original Post) pnwmom Mar 2018 OP

Love Your Sensitivity Me. Mar 2018 #1

Thank you, Me. I've read a lot about adoptees and the difficult feelings they can have pnwmom Mar 2018 #2

Have You Asked Them How They Feel About It Me. Mar 2018 #4

They are much too young. nt pnwmom Mar 2018 #6

You are not, but it depends on whether the grandchildren have embraced that cultural heritage as Still Blue in PDX Mar 2018 #3

Not an adult adoptee but Sanity Claws Mar 2018 #5

One of them has an ethnic background that we don't know, so we can't celebrate it. pnwmom Mar 2018 #7

Well.... Me. Mar 2018 #8

Hi pnwmom! lunatica Mar 2018 #9

Me.

(35,454 posts)

1. Love Your Sensitivity

Reply to pnwmom (Original post)

Mon Mar 19, 2018, 04:25 PM

Mar 2018

I think that while not a DNA thing, they now belong to and are a part of an Irish family which I think gives them a share in the heritage. Could be wrong.

pnwmom

(108,980 posts)

2. Thank you, Me. I've read a lot about adoptees and the difficult feelings they can have

Reply to Me. (Reply #1)

Mon Mar 19, 2018, 04:37 PM

Mar 2018

around adoption so I don't want to be doing anything to make it harder.

And giving up St. Patrick's day feels like a teeny-tiny sacrifice. But my sister seems to think I'm turning my back on the family heritage. I'm not. I just don't want my grandchildren to feel any less a part of the family than anyone else.

Me.

(35,454 posts)

4. Have You Asked Them How They Feel About It

Reply to pnwmom (Reply #2)

Mon Mar 19, 2018, 04:45 PM

Mar 2018

or are they too young?

pnwmom

(108,980 posts)

6. They are much too young. nt

Reply to Me. (Reply #4)

Mon Mar 19, 2018, 05:04 PM

Mar 2018

Still Blue in PDX

(1,999 posts)

3. You are not, but it depends on whether the grandchildren have embraced that cultural heritage as

Reply to pnwmom (Original post)

Mon Mar 19, 2018, 04:44 PM

Mar 2018

their own.

Every family is different.

I found out as an adult that I am adopted, and in researching my various lineages via ancestry.com, I found that my adoptive dad's 4th great-grandfather married my birth mother's 5th great-aunt in 1742 in Pennsylvania. It's pretty safe to say that my cultural identity is pretty solidly generic American.

Sanity Claws

(21,849 posts)

5. Not an adult adoptee but

Reply to pnwmom (Original post)

Mon Mar 19, 2018, 05:00 PM

Mar 2018

I regret that my parents did not share more stories of their lives with me. My mother in particular had a lot of secrets, probably ashamed that she came from a very poor family.
It wouldn't have matter to me but she kept stuff hidden.
Do you think your adopted children or grandchildren may wish that you had shared more of your life, including your ethnic background and family stories, later on in life?
Couldn't you share Irish music on St. Pat's and then share music from their culture on holidays celebrated in their culture?

pnwmom

(108,980 posts)

7. One of them has an ethnic background that we don't know, so we can't celebrate it.

Reply to Sanity Claws (Reply #5)

Mon Mar 19, 2018, 05:06 PM

Mar 2018

The other we think we know, but not for sure.

They're both too young to care now, but eventually they might.

And regardless of all that, we don't share blood ties, of course. And when Irish-Americans celebrate their Irishness, it's about blood ties.

Me.

(35,454 posts)

8. Well....

Reply to pnwmom (Reply #7)

Mon Mar 19, 2018, 05:35 PM

Mar 2018

They say that on the 17th, everyone is Irish

lunatica

(53,410 posts)

9. Hi pnwmom!

Reply to pnwmom (Original post)

Mon Mar 19, 2018, 07:09 PM

Mar 2018

St Patrick’s day is one day everyone likes to celebrate because it so much fun. There are parades and everyone gets to wear green or get pinched, and things and rivers are dyed green!

I’m not Irish except we all have permission to be Irish on St. Patrick’s day. It’s a wonderful cultural heritage day which makes the world love the Irish.

It’s a great day to tell tales of leprechauns and rainbows and treasures and three wishes and magical stories so unique to Ireland. Children love those stories!

No child will be damaged by St. Patrick ever, but they WILL have their lives enriched.

🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀

People who are exposed to the differences in people through fun things will surely make for better citizens

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