Used one of those "phone a doctor" services. Never again.

He was unable to diagnose me, and did not offer any suggestions.

I gave him full and complete information, and he was stumped.

I told him about the funny-colored squishy thing near my doo-dad that had some kind of black chartreuse gelatinous material coming out of it, and around this area I had a sharp, dull-like refractory pain when I do this, doc.

He kept asking for more information, and I repeatedly told him that "I can't state it any clearer than that, pal".

So then he said "I'm not your pal, buddy". I retorted with "I'm not your buddy, pal".

Then, things got heated.