It is what it is.

They are who they are, you are who you are, and part of being who you are is preferring "order, peace, and quiet." So you made the right decision in not having kids.

I'm the same way. The trick is to not let your irritation show, not around them anyway. As long as you can do that, it's all good. And even if you do occasionally show some irritation, a timely apology and explanation might actually do them some good. It lets them now adults aren't infallible, that they have feelings, that different people have different "buttons"--and it models good behavior for when anger or irritation of impatience might get the better of them. "It happens to all of us" is always a good lesson to teach and learn.

Best wishes.

an abused child and would never want to do that to anyone else.

However they gave me a scare today. They went out to ride their bikes into town and said they wouldn't go to the jumping bridge, but they went missing and I could not contact them. Guess where they went? The jumping bridge. I am not their parents and don't have any control over them but for a while I was furious until I heard back from them and knew they were ok.

I could not deal with that kind of stress on a regular basis. I so cannot wait to get back to my quiet, peaceful apartment in the city.

Thanks for your kindness!

It's the unpredictability that gets me. You never know when they are going to do something stupid or crazy. I was able to coach my nephew's little league team...that was enough for me. Don't beat yourself up, it's just the way you are wired.

You are NOT a bad person to feel that way! Ask any parent what they would like most and they'd probably tell you they'd like some order, peace and quiet!

I personally admire people who know that the best thing for them is to not have kids. Society pressures us women to get married and have kids, and it takes a strong person with a good sense of knowing yourself and knowing what you want to stand firm. Don't beat yourself up! I think dealing with a bunch of kids that age, even when they're good kids, would tax the patience of a saint!

spot on in all sentiments.

I think the world would be a much better place. I am kind to them, but I could never put up with them full time. They just stress me out too much. People should know their limits and assess their qualifications for what is one of the most important jobs in the world.

Become parents. Mine included.

It is stressful and some jerks take it out on kids by beating them.

I congrats you for doing the right thing.

👍

When someone asks me to babysit I just say "Sure. I have plenty of rope". I'm childless and happy about it, too. I really think kids are cute and I love hearing people talk about the funny things they do. I do not, however, believe every parent who says "He/she is so smart" or puts their one- year-old on the phone with me. I used to feel guilty, too. I'm old now, so I can feel any way I want.

for some reason. But as time went on my sister let me know that one child after the other decided to stay. I just don't live my life at such a level of complication so when I am thrown into it, it throws me off balance. I don't quite know how to cope.

that anyone would ask you such nosy questions that are none of their damn business!

Do they really want to know why?

No they don't. They are plain assed nosy is right!

Fuck them. Fuck all of them!!!

And no, there is nothing "wrong".

much free time and can sleep in on weekends!

Good for those who can stand it (obviously I wouldn't be here if my own parents had felt that way - I was definitely a bringer of chaos), but not everyone should be a parent, and nobody should feel guilty about not enjoying being around children for extended periods of time. I did some babysitting as a teenager, and while I always got along fine with the kids, I was relieved when I could either put them to bed so I could read a book in peace, or the parents came back and I could go home and read a book in peace.

Unfortunately there has always been an enormous amount of social pressure on people to marry and have children, and if you don't you're criticized as being selfish or weird. But it's like any other career choice: Some people shouldn't be doctors or airline pilots or presidents, and some people shouldn't be parents. I'd have been a terrible mother and my children would have grown up to be neurotic at best, serial killers at worst. Don't feel guilty! I sure as hell don't.

I think I will be great with them when they are older, but I don't quite relate to young children (these kids range from 10-15). They really are good kids, but I am just not cut out for the task of taking care of children. It's so unnatural for me and I think they sense it too.

I think I made the right choice by remaining childless. Thanks!

and feeling annoyed etc by their activity confirms it, AND is normal and fine.

No problem unless you behave inappropriately with them.

You are NOT a bad person.

ready to kill them. I was just relieved to hear they were ok. There is this "bridge jumping" tradition up here in Kennebunkport, ME and they said they wouldn't go but they did. It wasn't a high bridge and not very dangerous, but they said they would wait until my brother got back and they didn't. Luckily everything turned out ok, but for a few hours I didn't know where they were and I don't drive or have a car so I was panicked.

Thanks again!

I'm a mother of 2 30-somethings, and grandmother of 2,3, and 4 year olds, so kind of used to chaos (tho I don't see them very often,) but I IMAGINE all the stuff they can get into.

BRIDGE JUMPING in Kennebunkport, OMG!!!

very dangerous, but they are much younger than the usual jumpers. They were warned by my brother and sister in law not to go today until they returned from the soccer match, but they went unsupervised anyway. I could ring their little necks. I am just glad they are safe and sound!

They did something they were told not to do because it isn't safe. I don't believe in hitting a child, ever, but.. a good ass chewing for kids that age seems totally appropriate. Parent's typically don't appreciate it when kids stress out their care provider.

I was not angry because they broke the rules. I was angry because I was terrified that something happened to them and that I couldn't protect them. If they had only communicated with me, I would have been much more open to what they did.

It's perfectly fine you were angry with them. They made a bad choice that could have turned out to be a fatal choice. Not wanting to piss off parents and caregivers keeps kids out of all kinds of trouble. My mom's attitude when I had managed to piss her off was along the lines of "Well, I told you not to do that. What did you think was going to happen?" Not the least bit apologetic. And, as an adult, I can honestly say she shouldn't have been. I was an adventurous little shit and was responsible for many a gray hair on that sweet lady's head.

I would not expect them to be any other way. However, I am very neurotic and I can't help but worry. I could never be a parent because I would never let them out of their room. I would be too afraid.

liked to but it didn't work out that way. I have no idea how my parents let loose. I got a car my senior year in high school and would drive 90 miles to the beach for the day. No cell phone. Sheesh! No wonder they had grey hair.

It's not for everyone. Think of all the freedom you have and money you save!

even if I actually think the baby isn't especially cute. Some of them just aren't. If you ask me if I'd like to hold the baby I will probably politely decline, saying something like "Oh, I don't want to upset him; he doesn't know me and he might be afraid to be held by a stranger." But the truth is that I'm uncomfortable pretending I enjoy making squeaky small talk to babies, and also I don't want to be drooled or puked on. Show me a kitten or a puppy, though, and I'll insist on holding and cuddling it and rubbing its adorable little belly and generally making a sappy fool of myself. I suppose I'm an awful, unmotherly person, too; but to me puppies and kittens are way more adorable than human babies. Maybe it's the fur.

Mother of one here agrees puppies and kittens are much cuter.

motherly instinct whatsoever, but show me a puppy and I can't keep my hands off of it. I am so patient with dogs. No matter what they do, I never get stressed out or lose my temper. Kids are a completely different story. I guess I made the right decision by remaining childless.

I think there are a lot of people who should have thought about it a bit more. There are too many abused, neglected kids in the world. I don't hate them at all, I just realize that I am not cut out for parenthood.

...its their world, too, and they have a right to be children in it.

That's the only thing I feel bad about. But while you're young you can travel and enjoy the childless life. Life's a trade-off.

First of all, a lot of children are not there for their elderly parents in the first place. Secondly, I may never live to old age. Thirdly, If I do live to old age, I might be self-sufficient just like everyone else in my family has been. Lastly, if I do need someone to take care of me when I am old, I would rather check out than be a burden on someone. I would never want to be dependent upon someone.

But if it makes you feel superior to judge the single and childless, go ahead and enjoy yourself.

Nursing homes are full of people whose kids rarely (if ever) even visit them, let alone take care of them. That's a really lousy reason to have kids.

I just love taking care of kids. They epitomize creativity and energy. And I love that.

It requires endless patience which is something I do not possess in abundance. People like you make the world a better place. People like me and my kind have our gifts, but it just isn't taking care of children.

But I'd have to be taken away and given a heavy dose of Thorazine after a couple of hours. Those who enjoy working with children deserve great thanks and gratitude; I'm just not one of them.

Kids like honestly in adults. By these kids age, they have witnessed many a snow job.

They probably really like you, whether they ever say it out loud or not.

visit. I just don't know how parents can NOT worry every minute of the day. But then again I am neurotic and it's probably best that I don't have kids because I would be a total helicopter parent.

You never wanted kids and are happy and have a good life without them. You are not a bad person.

But don't ever again let your sister rope you into taking care of them. Maybe you should let her know how genuinely happy and satisfied with your life as it is. Just don't alienate her over this.

Do keep in mind that as they become adults you will be able to transition into an adult relationship with them, and with any luck at all it will be good.

At first I was only supposed to watch the dog. Then it was just the twins because they had a tournament. Then a week ago they told me the older two were going to stay as well. Of course they all have friends who want to use the pool so it was a free-for-all. My sister and her husband have no boundaries, so their house is party central.

And even if you loved kids but never had any of your own, this was still an imposition.

Perhaps the good thing about this was that you have an even better appreciation for your own life and choices.

only reinforces my belief that I was never cut out to be a parent. I just don't have it in me at all. They are great kids, but child care is something that is completely out of my skill set. I don't have a talent for it and I don't like it at all.

I am certain that I made the right choice!