Attempted 69 with a little person (aka midget/dwarf).
Attempted the same a second time after Mexican dinner.

1.- Try to outrun the Mexican highway patrol on a Datsun station wagon

2.- Set my mustache on fire.

Drank 151 proof rum mixed with cherry Kool-Aid.
Tried to break up a cat fight by picking up the combatants.

but I have participated in an orgy/swapping situation...that's about it...otherwise I'm a pretty boring dude.

..I've done that to....and will do so again in the near future...particularly when Halloween rolls around.

I'm looking for things that borderline Darwin Awards...or defy expectations.

As a private eye I've done many dumb things that could've easily gone south very quickly.

Amongst those, installing and removing covert cameras and gps units (the removal is usually the hard part) in places where I could've easily got killed or arrested, car chases being the chaser and chasee, and had to lay low in a sniper/ghillie suit for half a day waiting for dark so I could crawl out of a hunting club where I was spying on someone. Those are recent highlights from the past three years alone.

Cut a strap.

1. A woman rudely mouthed off at me at the Dollar Tree and I threw a coloring book at her. I missed and barely hit her 16 year old daughter (didn't hurt her). At this point, the woman and her friend attacked me and punched me in the head several times.

2. Had sex with a crackhead who then stole my camera, computer and several credit cards.

1. Pressed a big red button;
2. Then asked, "What does this button do?"

1. As a kid, walked out on ice past the "warning" sign (way past), at night, alone.

2. Took some kind of unknown substance being passed around at a party.

but the most recent was to try to jam a long, pointed metal rod into a hornet's nest in the ground.

[Even as a kid, I never was attacked by a swarm of bees or hornets before]

one of those municipal water towers with my college boyfriend, partied a bit up there, climbed down. Truly a Darwin Award stunt.

In college, after breaking up with above boyfriend, met by chance in the grocery store parking lot his townie friend cruising in his van and agreed to go with him for a cruise. No one knew where I was. I’m a could-have-been Forensic Files episode. I actually consider this more stupid than the water tower, and it truly makes me cringe to this day, 40ish years later.

Can't think of anything worth mentioning for #2.

... and have all the scars to show for it.

Nobody cares if you are right. God doesn't care if you're right. The cops don't care if you're right. You will bleed. That's my number two named crazy, as my right arm bears witness. I'm right handed grabbing knives.

Number one, well at least the most recent number one, landed me in the locked psych ward for 72 hours, category: Danger to Self.

I've been known to do stuff just to test whether I'm still alive, to make sure my soul hasn't moved on, leaving this body an empty shell. If it hurts it must be real, right?

I've some pride in avoiding the "Danger to Others" category, for half a century at least, but I don't enjoy any security that it couldn't happen. I take my meds and hope for the best.

Been bungee jumping, have the video. At the time I was a little worried about death when I went over the railing, therefore I must have been sane.

The worst part of my illness is how the first thing that flies out the window is my ability to judge my own mental health.

Maybe one of the dumbest thing I've done was jumping out of a moving car. This was a long time ago ending a relationship that was the David Lynch version of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding." I left quite a bit of blood, skin, and tears on the streets of Berkeley California. She put all my stuff in a cardboard box and sent it to the P.O. Box I was living out of without comment.

Last we crossed paths was at a Silicon Valley convention where we pretended too hard not to know one another, so hard it may have been obvious.

But that was a long time ago.

...and 2. I let my brother roll me for a huge wad of money.

The second one was actually before I truly understood who and what my brother was.

I have no sympathy for the other members of my family who were rolled by my brother, since I warned all of them.

The first one was probably inexcusable, although I confess I was only 20 at the time and didn't know shit from shinola and we didn't talk politics when we were involved.

#2: Trusted a man who said he loved me

#3: Trusted a man who said he loved me

#4......

#5.....

#6....

#7.....

#8: Loaned money to a friend

She took the plunge again and after a year still very happy. Married an excellent guitar player. Both retired happy as hell.

2. Marriage No. 2

Drove car on RR side spur between two small towns. Beer no chance of meeting a train.

4 hours later I was in an ambulance and almost died with damage to my lungs. Spent three days in the hospital

When I was 14 or 15 (1976/77ish) I sat in the backseat of a 1970ish Chevy Impala convertible with no seat belts and the top down. We drove a hundred miles an hour down South Gate Boulevard all the way to the Everglades dike. Then we walked out to a hammock in the swamp and smoked a few doobs. Got stuck in some quicksand, got eaten alive by mosquitos. We drove back much slower.

Bonus Darwin on edit. Swam across the C14 canal to make my curfew. If I walked to the bridge I would have been way late.

It's a secret. Still. After 44 years.

But it's not something that would cause me to get nominated to the Supreme Court.

Honestly

I have no memory of the next three days.

1) Married my first wife was a mistake. An attractive, bright and fun young woman with a very strong personality and also pretty liberal, but had 0 concept of managing spending & budgeting. She only knew how to spend, spend and spend. The sex was great, but it doesn't help you when you're going broke and stressed out about possibly declaring bankruptcy. Thankfully, it didn't quite get there, but the judge at the divorce hearing granted her 0 alimony because I was able to document how she was in a better position financially after getting married and how I was in worse shape - I had paid off a lot of her pre marriage debt, and then later incurred a lot on credit cards in my name.

2) Left my original company out of college. I had been with a large corporation since having an internship in college in the late 80s. They had good benefits and I had a good amount of vacation time, but the company had gone through some rough patches in the mid to late 90s, so my salary had not gone up nearly as much as I had wanted. So, when an opportunity came up in early 2001 at another large corporation that had been doing well and they offered me a 10K raise, I jumped at it. Sure, I lost a week of vacation time, but the salary increase and positive direction of the company would make up for it, I thought. However, the department I worked in there required a huge number of hours in a pressure cooker environment and there were no signs of it getting better, so I took a new job 2 years later and I haven't had much success finding a stable job that I liked since - 2 years here, 1 year there, 18 months there. Meanwhile, the friends I had at my original company that stuck it out all ended up with really nice positions.

1. I went to the top of this little rock outcrop for a photo op, slipped on a wet rock, and fell into the stream. Soon as I hit the water I thought "shit, I'm going all the way down" and was immediately swept away, feet first and on my stomach so I couldn't see what was coming. Moving at a high rate of speed, I hit a boulder with my hip and then plunged over the waterfall and into a pool of water about 10 feet deep. Two years later I went back to the spot and was amazed I didn't get seriously injured or killed.

2. Bungee jumping. Thought I was gonna die. Will never do it again.