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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsMom passed away peacefully last night...
It was hard, but we're hanging in there. Her pain has finally ended.
I cried like a little girl which I expected I would do. When I called my sister, the dam burst all over again. I thought that I had a better handle on it. The family and I went out to eat tonight and I left not long after eating some because it just hit me. I guess I should expect that to happen.
I notified only a few people, those closest to me and I left the rest of the notifications to others. I just couldn't do any more.
I'm already tired of being asked "are you okay?" I know they mean well and I'll be polite, but inside I'm screaming I'm fucking not okay.
The hospital bed and other items provided for Mom's care has to sit in the living room until Monday. That sucks, but I'm doing better with it than I thought I would.
Right now, I'm just going to take it one day at a time just like we have been doing before Mom passed.
It's just going to take time. Thanks everyone.
Sunny Daze
(209 posts)Praying for peace and comfort for you and your family.
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,627 posts)I'm so sorry. It IS tough and it WILL take a lot of time.
Be good to yourself. Lean on people when you feel like it.
We have a terrific Bereavement group here.......come visit. Everyone hurts and you will get support if you want it.
https://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=forum&id=1234
cynatnite
(31,011 posts)It's pretty overwhelming.
whistler162
(11,155 posts)condolences
Ohiogal
(32,002 posts)to you and your family, cynatnite
Sending good thoughts your way for strength.
Sienna86
(2,149 posts)Take good care of yourself.
sheshe2
(83,785 posts)Peace
Phoenix61
(17,006 posts)k8conant
(3,030 posts)May you find peace and comfort.
Va Lefty
(6,252 posts)Sanity Claws
(21,849 posts)May she rest in peace, now that she is free of pain.
Here is a hug for you and your sister,
gristy
(10,667 posts)sinkingfeeling
(51,457 posts)CentralMass
(15,265 posts)Maraya1969
(22,482 posts)Be easy with yourself. Know that you are loved. I wish you peace.
chillfactor
(7,576 posts)she was my best friend and always had great advice for me.....I miss her every day.
The heartache you feel now will temper in time......but you will always hold her dear in your heart.
Scarsdale
(9,426 posts)Your Mom can rest in peace, knowing that she left a legacy of love behind with you and your sister. Great that you have each other to console, too.
babylonsister
(171,067 posts)moms are so tough to lose. Mine was sick for months, we knew it was coming, but I reacted like you did. It's so hard to say good-bye.
NanceGreggs
(27,815 posts)... to you and your family.
denbot
(9,900 posts)Peace.
JohnnyLib2
(11,212 posts)your love for her comes through the sorrow. May that stay with forever.
benld74
(9,904 posts)redwitch
(14,944 posts)Such a hard loss.
barbtries
(28,798 posts)and that her pain has ended, but ache for you and your pain. Take care of yourself and cry all you need to - it's part of healing.
nobody, least of all you yourself, should expect that you would already be moving on this soon. Grief takes time, sometimes a lot of time.
Freedomofspeech
(4,225 posts)pazzyanne
(6,556 posts)May you all find comfort in the support from your friends and families. I lost my mom a year ago, and I still want to call her sometimes. When that happens, I try to remember something good about my memories of her. Many you find peace. Take care of yourself!
pnwmom
(108,980 posts)It happened to me in the spring and I was unprepared for the crashing waves of grief that followed. I thought because she was so ill and ready to go, that it would be easier than it was.
I was also unprepared for the physical effects -- like walking through quicksand sometimes.
I finally realized that it felt like all my cumulative losses, starting with my grandparents, had gotten rolled up into this one. The biggest one so far.
You know what to do -- you already said it. Take one day at a time and be patient with yourself. There's no way to hurry the process.
Mrs. Overall
(6,839 posts)DonaldsRump
(7,715 posts)Rest in peace.
JDC
(10,128 posts)panader0
(25,816 posts)defacto7
(13,485 posts)The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,719 posts)It's a tough thing.
mountain grammy
(26,622 posts)and take all the time you need.
Tikki
(14,557 posts)You have done so much, please do take it one day at a time.
And we are hear to listen...anytime.
Tikki
TNNurse
(6,927 posts)My mother died 27 years ago. She is always with me still. I hope you will learn the same.
samir.g
(835 posts)madaboutharry
(40,212 posts)JHan
(10,173 posts)catbyte
(34,393 posts)I felt so alone when my mom died. I know you're supposed to outlive your parents, but that doesn't make such a profound loss any easier to bear. Please accept my condolences.
TygrBright
(20,760 posts)One of the toughest things to go through, and you'll feel how you do feel, not how you want to feel or how you're supposed to feel.
Do ask for help if it stays overwhelming too long. "Too long" being what YOU think is too long.
There IS help.
Friends who will listen, and not tell you how you should feel, or give you advice, are priceless. Use 'em if you got 'em. And many local hospitals offer grief therapy groups, which are often free.
If you're a religious believer, there may be someone in your congregation or community who's good at being there for people at times like this.
One day at a time is all we get.
Oh, and... this community's here for you, too.
supportively,
Bright
cate94
(2,811 posts)Hugs.
StevieM
(10,500 posts)HipChick
(25,485 posts)awesomerwb1
(4,268 posts)May she rest in peace.
kimbutgar
(21,155 posts)My mother died 2 years ago and I remember how the members of DU reached out to me when I posted of her passing,
Tonight, I feel your loss. I hope you have more better memories to keep you going as the days go on. Your Mother will always be with you spiritually rather than physically. Shes at peace tonight.
cynatnite
(31,011 posts)CaptainTruth
(6,592 posts)My mom passed this spring, I know that pain. Take it one day at a time & you will get through it.
vercetti2021
(10,156 posts)mnhtnbb
(31,392 posts)Hugs to you and your family.
Take your time, cynatnite. Just take your time.
hibbing
(10,098 posts)Do the best you can, that's all any of us can do in such trying times.
Peace
Denis 11
(280 posts)orleans
(34,053 posts)in this time of sorrow.
CatMor
(6,212 posts)it's hard when it's Mom but she will always be in your heart and memories.
jrthin
(4,836 posts)BigmanPigman
(51,608 posts)It will take time for some of the pain to diminish. In the meantime be kind and gentle with yourself. After a loss we often have a hard time staying focused, make silly mistakes, are clumsy, etc.
I have a very inexpensive little book called How to Survive The Loss of a Love and have lent it out 3 or 4 times and never got it back. It has single page to 2-3 page sections since often that is all you can focus on. My favorite page has a chart which shows how people heal. It looks like a lightening bolt that goes up and down but overall continues to go up. It represents healing over time. It is still in print and I recommend it.
https://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McWilliams/dp/0931580439
bitterross
(4,066 posts)I have been through this with both parents. When my father passed away there was much sadness but a great deal of relief. He died of cancer and if we had lived in a state that allowed us to put him out of his misery I think we might have done so.
If you are feeling even the least bit relieved it is "over" DO NOT, DO NOT feel guilt for that. I assure she is happily sharing her relief from her pain with you.
Huge hugs and rivers of tears for you.
sellitman
(11,606 posts)My Dad is not far behind. He too is suffering. It's so hard.
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)Frances
(8,545 posts)A couple of months after my husband died, I started going to a Hospice support group that met once a week. The room had a big glass window with a view of old trees. It felt so peaceful to sit in a room and just be. Everybody else was grieving and, though we talked, there was no need to explain or put on a happy face. I would tell my friends that it seemed strange to say, but sitting in a room watching tears roll down the faces of other grieving people made me feel more calm because I was with people who understood.
helpisontheway
(5,008 posts)ailsagirl
(22,897 posts)democrank
(11,095 posts)Sending a hug
Blue_playwright
(1,568 posts)Im relieved to report that knife-sharp pain does start to subside after a bit - but I miss her every day.
Dont forget to take care of yourself.
Im so sorry for your loss.
backtoblue
(11,343 posts)For your mother
Solly Mack
(90,769 posts)It will hit you in waves for a little while and time does help some.
Loryn
(944 posts)StarryNite
(9,446 posts)I understand what you are going through. My 103 year old dad died less than two weeks ago. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I will never see him again. Throughout the day little things happen and my first thought is to tell my dad about it because that's what I'm used to doing. And then reality hits, my life will never be the same. I'm heartbroken.
sprinkleeninow
(20,249 posts)Texasgal
(17,045 posts)I know that you are going through grief. I lost my husband just under an year and a half ago. I can sympathize with the whole " are you okay" ...
I know you've heard this, but time really does help heal wounds. I hope you are able to get through the coming weeks/months okay.
Please feel free to PM me if you need a boost. Strangers helped me through my hardest times.
Be well and have peace.
TheBlackAdder
(28,205 posts).
I am so sorry to hear this, cynatnite.
Unfortunately, this will be a void that, while eventually suppressed, will linger onward.
30 years for my father and 12 for my mother. Time, memories and passing on their good qualities to others helps abate moments of sorrow, until one day the sorrow of their death and lack of direct companionship becomes replaced by their continued effect on your life and those around you. Parents shape us to handle this world, and while everyone has their positive and negative aspects, the positive seems to further develop within us. Without getting too existential, there is a lot of truth that we are the embodiment of those we've meet, know and love. As long as they are with us in spirit and mindset, their existence continues.
.
KT2000
(20,581 posts)you have my sympathy. Peace to you cynatnite.
lunamagica
(9,967 posts)peacebuzzard
(5,174 posts)She will always be with you through this life. I am so sorry, so soon, so sad .....
mahina
(17,663 posts)And you and your family. She must have felt very lucky to have you near when she needed you.
peekaloo
(22,977 posts)DonCoquixote
(13,616 posts)any more than I am..however, while the pain does nto go away, it does get to the point where you can start living again, doing the sort of things that would make your mom proud
tblue37
(65,393 posts)smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)My deepest condolences.
Hotler
(11,425 posts)B Stieg
(2,410 posts)I'm very sorry for your loss.
But remember that the memories of the many wonderful moments shared by you and your mom will slowly re-emerge to take you beyond your current pain.
lillypaddle
(9,580 posts)no matter our age. Healing thoughts and sympathy to you and your family.
Hekate
(90,708 posts)Gothmog
(145,291 posts)kag
(4,079 posts)thinking "How can there be cereal commercials on TV? Don't they know my MOM just died?" Not rational, I know, but my brain was temporarily out of whack.
I also remember the empty hospital bed in the house for a few days.
Go ahead and let it hurt. Know that we are all sending loving and healing thoughts your way today.
Jim__
(14,077 posts)SalmonChantedEvening
(31,952 posts)Please accept my condolences, I know how hard these things can be.
PatrickforO
(14,576 posts)Please accept my condolences for your great loss.
Donkees
(31,413 posts)tavernier
(12,391 posts)That is a very hard one. It will take a long time before that numbness goes away. You have an open wound; be gentle with yourself.
LostinRed
(840 posts)Stuart G
(38,428 posts)lunatica
(53,410 posts)My Mom died at home under hospice care. I promise you will be OK. Grieve as you need to. Take you time. Your mom earned it.
In time your thoughts will be about the wonderful memories you have. I promise.
meow2u3
(24,764 posts)MBS
(9,688 posts)More time than many of your acquaintances might think, unless they've also lost someone dear to them. Over time, the happy memories will start to outweigh the sense of loss, though; but at least in my experience, the loss never completely goes away. There just is this new hole in the universe that is never quite filled. The way I figure it, that's also OK, as it's a sign of that person's importance, both to the universe and to you.
I know you're going to be okay, just from your comments alone. Your mom would be very proud of you right now!
No Vested Interest
(5,167 posts)hostalover
(447 posts)Worried senior
(1,328 posts)it was the same when my father died.
nini
(16,672 posts)I lost my mom in April. I don't think it has really hit me yet.
Wishing you peace and strength during these tough times
kentuck
(111,098 posts)our thoughts with you.
shenmue
(38,506 posts)LyndaG
(683 posts)It's difficult, I know. Glad you have family for support.
hurl
(938 posts)You are now her expression.
cynatnite
(31,011 posts)Today is a little better than the last. Husband got home yesterday. We went out to eat and all I could think of was how much she would want to be there. She loved eating out even if it was terrible food or bad service. It was weird and then I felt guilty. It hit us all, but I had to go out to the car and couldn't finish my meal.
Anyway, I know it'll take time. It's been a bit crazy, too. I've still got a service to plan and I have to go to the funeral home tomorrow. There is a lot to do.
I'm making an early night of it and heading off to bed.
Be assured, I am reading every comment and I love all the advice.
Thank you all!!
malthaussen
(17,200 posts)DFW
(54,399 posts)It WILL take time. Go ahead. You'll need it, so take it.
Rhiannon12866
(205,467 posts)It was 7 years ago today that I lost my mother. She wasn't sick, she fell down the stairs when the lights went off during a hurricane and was injured too badly to recover. And even though you thought you were prepared, it's still a shock that just keeps hitting. The only advice I can give is to talk about it with those who share your grief. And try to keep occupied, there are probably lots of things that you still need to do for your mother, I was executor and it took a long time. But right now you just need a hug. There are lots of us here with those to offer...