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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsHere's a good joke to tell your MAGA friends
While walking down the street a Republican Senator was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in Heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
"Welcome to Heaven, Senator" says St. Peter. "Before you settle in it seems there is a problem. We seldom see an important Republican around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."
"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator.
"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."
"Really? I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Senator.
"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."
And with that St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell.
The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne. Also present is the devil who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises.
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit Heaven."
So the Senator joins a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time, and soon he realizes the time's up and St. Peter returns.
"Well then you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."
The Senator reflects for a minute before he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.
"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted."
fierywoman
(7,688 posts)True Dough
(17,313 posts)You'll get your comeuppance.
Wawannabe
(5,674 posts)is frickin hilarious!
Sadly.
2naSalit
(86,691 posts)FakeNoose
(32,680 posts)... but I thought that was a little mean. So I generalized it and omitted his name.
NastyRiffraff
(12,448 posts)It fits Cruz so well!
2naSalit
(86,691 posts)Best to generalize, makes the funny part more clear too.
rusty quoin
(6,133 posts)dlk
(11,574 posts)world wide wally
(21,749 posts)JDC
(10,130 posts)Stonepounder
(4,033 posts)Maybe even better.
trueblue2007
(17,231 posts)WinstonSmith4740
(3,056 posts)You're a photojournalist assigned to cover flooding in the wake of a horrible storm. As you stand beside a raging river, you see Donald Trump, arms flailiing, being carried downstream and in obvious trouble. You can either jump in and try to save him, or stay put and take what will surely be award winning photos. The question is...what F stop do you use?
blitzen
(4,572 posts)at least that will give their balls and butt some off time.
blitzen
(4,572 posts)but I didn't get any love, which I am currently craving. I'll settle for like. Or just perfunctory recognition.
FakeNoose
(32,680 posts)I do like it, but I think we must be in different time zones. I wasn't online at 3 a.m.
blitzen
(4,572 posts)May this actually happen to all of them.
Power 2 the People
(2,437 posts)Susan Calvin
(1,647 posts)Their voters are.
FakeNoose
(32,680 posts)It's a joke, dammit! Enjoy the joke!
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)ooky
(8,926 posts)PJMcK
(22,038 posts)Trump has begun to feel the pressure from all the investigations and like Nixon, he's walking the hallways of the White House late at night, talking to the presidential portraits.
He comes across President Kennedy's portrait and says, "JFK, you were a much-loved president. What can I do to get people to love me?"
JFK says, "You've got to stop insulting everyone. Compliment your opponents. Be nice to the press. The people will see you as a better man."
Trump ponders this as he walks down the hall where he finds President Washington's portrait. Trump says, "George, you were the first president. Everything you did created history since you were a Founding Father. What can I do to get people to respect me?"
President Washington says, "You've got to be more truthful. Cut way back on your lies and people will see you as a better man."
Trump continues down the hallway where he sees President Lincoln's picture. Trump looks up and says, "Abe, you were probably the greatest president because you held the nation together. What's your secret? What can I do to get people to honor me?"
President Lincoln looked down and said, "You're too angry and tense. Lighten up. Go see a play."
==============
I linked to your original post, FakeNoose.
https://www.democraticunderground.com/10181142728
FakeNoose
(32,680 posts)Thanks for the chuckle.
liberal N proud
(60,338 posts)dewsgirl
(14,961 posts)I had read the whole thing. Im happy I checked, this is great.
A HERETIC I AM
(24,372 posts)Same basic joke, different punchline