.... my office environment is exactly that dysfunctional.

n/t

That's where the hairbrush, scissors, and the good paring knife were.

Someone would replace your really nice stapler with some broken-down busted-ass piece of crap.

I went on vacation once, and when I came back, my loan processor said, "I don't know what happened to all the stuff on your desk. I came in last Monday and it was gone." I said no problem, and took it out of my briefcase.


Edit to add: That is a really cool stapler!

They've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire.