The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsHeard any good but corny jokes lately?
Q) What kind of bee produces milk?
A) Boo Bees
brush
(53,782 posts)Guy dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gates and the guy sees this tremendous wall of analog clocks, with hands.
He asks what the clocks are for. St. Peter tells him they are "lie" clocks and everyone has one. Whenever they lie the hands move. St Peter points out Mother Teresa's clock and says the hands have never moved. He also points to George Washington's clock which only moved once.
The guy asks, since we're talking about presidents, where's trump's clock?
St. Peter says, "Oh that one, Jesus keeps it in his office as a ceiling fan."
sl8
(13,781 posts)They fought , 2021
cayugafalls
(5,641 posts)I asked for coffee.
redstatebluegirl
(12,265 posts)The Names Bond
Ionic Bond
Taken, Not Shared
ChazII
(6,205 posts)North Shore Chicago
(3,316 posts)A condescending con descending.
yankeepants
(1,979 posts)Orrex
(63,213 posts)She'd be Ella Vader.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Practice!
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Nacho cheese
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)A mushroom
yankeepants
(1,979 posts)and as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)An investigator.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Oh, snap!
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Ten-tickles
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Because then it would be a foot.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)A) "You're too young to smoke!"
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)A) a frisbee
maxrandb
(15,330 posts)she asked; "what can I do to make this dress look sexier?"
I replied; "give it to your sister".
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)(Good one)
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)Just for the halibut
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)A buccaneer.
Marthe48
(16,963 posts)went to his class halloween party dressed as a pirate. His teacher greeted him and said, "Where are your buccaneers?"
And Little Johnny says, "Under my buccanhat!"
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Because they love them with all their art.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)A) To raise some dough
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)The starfish
Harker
(14,019 posts)And it's always here at DU.
Thanks for adding value to my habitually wasting my time, Red.
You're the top!
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)A) Well armed.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Too many cheetahs
Wawannabe
(5,661 posts)tRump
Tom Brady
...
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Because he was a little shellfish.
Ohiya
(2,232 posts)Because of the sand which is there.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Bellhop
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)because he was always lost at C
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)At the quack of dawn.
Mr.Bill
(24,300 posts)who had a game scheduled with their main rival team on Saturday. This rival team had a fantastic pitcher who would be pitching that day. His name was Mel Famy So the team concocted a plan. They would take Famy out drinking on Friday night, and get him so drunk on beers that he would be hung over for the game.
Well, it worked. His pitching was terrible and he had no control. He walked 12 batters during that game and lost badly. The guys who took him out drinking still say "Those were the beers that made Mel Famy walk us".
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)"Want a piece of me?"
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)A receding hare line.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Push him down a mountain.
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)then it hit me.
mopinko
(70,112 posts)in there sleevies.
my former FIL was polish. he must have known 1000 polish jokes.
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)To see a butterfly
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Bison
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)red dog 1
(27,816 posts)In case he got a hole-in-one
eppur_se_muova
(36,263 posts)Sooner or later, the conversation turned to their obvious injuries.
"I lost this foot to a British cannonball", said the first, tapping his wooden leg.
"I lost this hand to a cutlass while boarding a merchantman", said the second, holding up his iron hook.
They drank in silence for a while, until one could no longer resist the temptation to ask, "So what happened to your eye?"
"Oh, that. A seagull pooped on it."
"I wouldn't have thought what would have caused you to lose it."
"Oh, it wouldn't have -- but at the time, I hadn't gotten used to having a hook."
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)"Pop" Corn
Orrex
(63,213 posts)Orrex
(63,213 posts)Orrex
(63,213 posts)Orrex
(63,213 posts)Orrex
(63,213 posts)Orrex
(63,213 posts)Last edited Mon Nov 9, 2020, 01:00 AM - Edit history (1)
tblue37
(65,391 posts)I thought that was a wonderfully layered label!
Orrex
(63,213 posts)Oh, wait. That's a cornet joke.
Orrex
(63,213 posts)Orrex
(63,213 posts)Orrex
(63,213 posts)Whoops. That's a coroner joke.
Orrex
(63,213 posts)Her name was Iris.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Push him down a mountain.
friendly_iconoclast
(15,333 posts)A: I don't know, and I don't care...
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Namaste
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)"You're under a vest"
Progressive Jones
(6,011 posts)red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Gummy Bear
LaelthsDaughter
(150 posts)About a week ago my husband tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, 'Single handedly.'"
Not mine, but its very funny!
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Cattle-logs
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Because he was good at bacon.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Lawsuits
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Because it's pointless.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)(I had to pull a few strings)
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)A) He was caught in a viscous cycle.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)"Son, this is gonna' hurt me more than it hurts you"
First Speaker
(4,858 posts)Uncle Ben's Perverted Rice...
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Ground beef
tblue37
(65,391 posts)Mom broke out the pup's favorite treat and crooned to her, "Come to me, my melon collie baby."
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)He knew a shortcut
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Because he was on a roll
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Just for the halibut.
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)Because there was a 13-year-old girl walking on the other side.
(Not "corny" but...)
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)A) "I just love Baskin' robins"
red dog 1
(27,816 posts)"You look flushed!"