OK, the next thing in my life that pisses me off. I don't have any real life guy friends anymore.
Yeah, I was never a big "hang with the guys" kind of guy anyway, not into sports or objectifying women, which are the two main male hobbies in the good old USA.
But I've had a few close friends that I would hang with and do things with.
And I lost all of them for various reasons.
Warning, some deep, heavy stuff ahead. Not for the faint of heart.
My buddy from high school died of cancer when we were in our mid 20s.
I had a good friend from college I met my freshman year. After we had been out of college, I did the most damned awful thing to him that I think I have EVER done to another human being. He got brave enough to come out to me, and I freaked out about it -- "what would people think, OMG, would they think about me, how would this reflect on me?" selfish a-hole me -- and this was about 1989 or 1990. And I am NOT a bigot, swear to God, I've had GL friends since. But I freaked and shut him out of my life in the "nicest possible way" by making up excuses and just kind of gradually withdrawing. I swear to God if it happened today I would be there for him. I haven't heard from him for 20 years.
I worked with two other guys that I had a lot in common with at different times. I became really tight with each of them outside of work. And then they drifted away from me because of a classic age old reason -- each of them found a woman and got married and their lives changed. And I didn't need to be the PITA third wheel. The second of the two just got married last year, although he's been with his wife a while before they actually married.
Damn I'm pathetic. Thank you for sharing today's episode of my slow-motion mid-life crisis with me.
= new reply since forum marked as read
It might not necessarily end well. On the other hand, it might turn out beautifully. You won't know unless you try. An apology is just as much for the person offering it as for the person receiving it.
We all change, often for the better. Me, for example; 25 years ago, I was a pro-Reagan, uber-patriotic, rah-rah, war-war-war, kill-kill-kill Repuke.
What a difference 10 years makes. By 1995, I had embraced my inner liberal, and since then, I'm a proud lefty, comfortably progressive on almost any social issue you could name, and damned happy about my change of heart, mind, and soul.
Give the matter some thought, and then contact your former friend, if you think it would do some good for you both.
Hang in there... 
I was just typing and returned to the thread because I figured someone would beat me to it. 
Please consider doing this. It might mean a lot. It might mean nothing to him and he might give you an earful but in the long run you will have tried to right a wrong you did to another and that is about the most a person can do after 20 years.
You're the best. 
And frankly a lot cheaper than the last couple of therapists I saw.
