I keep telling myself all is not lost, and mostly I believe it.

I know it feels like you want to fight the feelings, but let them flow. It'll pass faster than if you fight them.

that is an awful lot of very drastic change. Sounds traumatic even. There is usually someone here in the Lounge, as you know. I hope it starts to get brighter for you soon. (as you can see I suck at this, but I really feel for what you are going through, just can't seem to get my thoughts into actual words that sound coherent)

Come over to the forum on antiques, collectibles and ebay, and tell us what kind of stuff is in that store.

It isn't exactly working in a thrift store that bothers me, it's the fact that I'm making minimum wage with no health insurance. I have a 17 year old daughter who would have had her college paid for if the ex and I had stayed where we were, and now I have to worry about that, too.

And we had a marriage that everyone else admired. I just did not see it coming.
Yeah, no kidding - it's rough, but tough and practical works.

Best of luck! - TC

that was me, too! 23 years and totally blindsided. It was absolutely devastating for a while. See my response to the OP downthread

For lack of a better term "Mid-life crisis". My spouse wanted to accomplish bold things before getting too old, and felt the marriage was holding her back. And it turns out - it probably was.

On the plus side, we remain good friends and we didn't fight over anything. I agreed to buy her half of the house on very reasonable terms.

At times I feel a little trapped - a house that I probably could not sell, in a small town with few romantic prospects my age and fewer jobs in my profession. I did manage, through great luck, to find a "good" job here - low pay, decent benefits. But when I hear the stories of what others have gone through after losing a long relationship, I realize how fortunate I am.

on the midlife crisis (plus he had girlfriend!) and feeling trapped. I had reluctantly moved from my lifelong home town (family, friends, deep ties) to his for the marriage. When he abruptly left years later, I could not afford to relocate plus several of my relatives had passed.

So here I was in his hometown surrounded by his family and friends... feeling totally trapped AND totally orphaned.

But I have a few friends and a profession, both of which sustained me then and now. And I, too, am well aware of how blessed I am when I see/hear other midlife horror stories. But after what I went through, I can never be my-ex's friend. We are civil and cordial for the offspring, blah, blah, blah. However, because I think that true friendship is very special and requires TRUST, I use the word friend sparingly; and after what my ex did (TMI), we can never be friends again because I learned all too painfully that for far too long, I had misplaced my trust.

Have you found a solution to that "small town with few romantic prospects" problem?

Because I'm gonna be facing the same thing. Eventually. One of these days. When I'm ready and all.

Part of the problem is that after 25 years of being out of circulation, I'm not very good at this to start with. And I was always something of a lone wolf, which makes the usual advise about joining groups and activities less appealing to me.

and my my ex and I are still (mostly) friends. It's still hard.

Are you a man or woman?

Give us some facts. Let us give you some pointers, some of us who have been there, so to speak.

But if you don't want to, I will say that...I'm in my 50s and have seen some incredibly hard times. One thing I've learned, if I've learned anything at all, is that:

Things will get better (ALWAYS)


You know that old saying "All things must pass"? It's true.

There are good times. There are bad times. You are in a bad time phase right now, but it will pass. You will get through it and come out the other side and be proud at how you worked your way through it. You will be happy again one day, although it may not seem so to you now. I feel for you. I know how you feel. It's rough.

I'm a woman who has spent all the time since my oldest daughter was born as a stay at home mom. I hope things will get better.

7 years ago, I was in a somehwat comparable position in terms of divorce (after 23 years) yet having to remain "close" to my in-laws.

It is the weirdest situation and seriously retards "moving on with your life" as so many advise... especially when/if you liked your former life situation and see no up side to the present one.

Having felt so very low and hopeless myself 7 years ago, I can honestly say, you really will feel better one day. It takes a long time especially after 18 years and with the job requiring daily in-law contact. So I also truly hope you are able to find different employment soon.

I'm back in the US for the first time in five years, waiting until I can get a work permit in the UK. I'm living at my brother's house and working a retail job for $8/hour. It's ok. I'm sure that the emotional stuff from the relationship has to be the hardest part. I was nearly married a few years ago, and it took me about the last two years to get over being walked out on, insofar as I have. Therapy helped, medication helped, but mostly just taking a shit-load of time helped.

so I will let her reveal the facts if she wants to.

I feel badly for her, for them. Some things she probably would rather that people not know.

aA

It is a bit odd, since we have both been on DU so long, but it's just another one of the odd things I will have to get used to.

both of whom are long time DUers.

I'm thinking the country she was living in means her adjustment back to life in the US is an even bigger transition than most....

Both you and your ex are long-time DUers, so this is especially sad.

I'm hoping so, too.

And you have the lounge where a friendly ear is always available.

Maybe next week, when you can "announce it to the world", that will enable you to also move on from the crap job situation??




I'm really sorry to hear this. I've sort of followed you and your ex's adventures on and off over the years and was rooting for both of you.

I don't have any money or a car, and I have to stay in Florida until my youngest is 18, in 4 years.

Give yourself a break and allow time to be sad. In between those times, though, find something new to make yourself happy. A park you haven't been to, a book that will make you laugh, a new friend.

You will be okay. Take a real deep breathe, lift your head and look the day in the eye.

It was strange going to or close by places that were significant to us. My daughters and I went by the little church where Jcmach1 and I were married, and when I visited my grandpa in the small town where he lives, I walked around the drive way where he proposed and it wasn't until later that I remembered why that made me so sad... I was so in love when I got married, so hopeful and happy. I thought I was going to be one of the smart ones who never got divorced, and even though I'm old enough now to understand that I was still naive when I thought that, it still kind of stings.

I had enough time to process the split up- it was a year and a half ago that the ex told me we had to do "the paperwork." He couldn't bring himself to say divorce. This January we finally got around to doing it, and by the end of March we were divorced. There were too many other sad things going on this spring, one of the hardest of my life.

I have been reviewing what I've done and gone through in my life, and I've come to the conclusion that I am much stronger than I thought I was. I've been very lucky and very unlucky, in turns, and hopefully this is a low spot I will recover from.

I have a craving for supportive words I haven't been able to get for a while, because of the weird circumstances.

Take things one day at a time. You can't rebuild your dreams right away, so don't get frustrated if it takes too long.

The people who make it though things like this are the people who are willing to be kind to themselves. Don't beat yourself up. Not about anything!

My own experience with divorce has been so painful that I fear that I'm permanently damaged. But even so, I still have good days and happy times.

I don't work with my in-laws. I work with my ex. (Well, technically we're still married. For a few more weeks at least.) Between work and parenting, I literally see her every day. We are still friendly, but it's really very hard on me.

I don't think I'll ever truly understand why this had to happen. But it did, and my only course of action is to move forward ... in my case, at a snail's pace .... and try to rebuild a life. And that's what you have to do as well.