pretty sure if your a pilot then being suicidal is something you should tell someone, if you have a communicable disease and work in a hospital or jail or school then it might be best to inform people, same as informing partners if you have an std, i guess if the illness is going to impact others or put them in harms way then its moral to inform someone.

I have bipolar I disorder which is pretty much impossible to hide. People know you ain't right when you think you're Jesus.

Lying. Now days my illness is under control and it has been for a while. I simply don't tell people I have this illness unless it is something they should know, i.e. a doctor and my wife. No one at work knows that I have it. I have to go to the psychiatrist once every three months and I just tell the boss that I have a doctor's appointment. If he asks what for (which is none of his business to begin with) I just tell him that it's for some routine stuff. That's it.

But considering the social stigma that can be associated with mental illnesses, I have no problem with lying about it; simply lying by omission or a bald faced lie, I don't care. Almost everyone you run across in life has no use for this information, but they will, in most cases, judge you negatively for it even though they really don't know what it's all about. You can try to take the time to educate if you want, and I do it here in anonymity, but outside of that there really is no upside to it unless you are rich and famous and feel like going on a mission.

This applies to your family, although I told mine in the interest of letting them know just what the fuck had happened to me. But if you feel you have to tell them..let's assume the worst happens. They disown you and you are on your own in life. I know from your posts here that you don't really have that great of a relationship with them to begin with, so where's the great loss? It might actually be liberating. If you stand to inherit a great deal of money, ignore what I just said. But really, they don't need to know unless you have some heavy duty explaining to do. I don't think you will go to hell for lying to protect yourself. It's an honest lie.

"...It's an honest lie."

that is poetic in its profundity.

If you think it could adversely affect your job, tell them as little as possible. I don't think you have a moral obligation to tell anyone you don't want to know about your medical condition. (edit - Unless as Tobin mentioned it could put others at risk)

Do you really think your family will treat you like an outcast because of this? I know a couple people dealing with similar issues and they are open about it with their family and friends and they have been nothing but supportive. It's not like you did anything wrong or have anything to be ashamed about.

I hope that you have someone (most likely a relative) you can confide in and trust--you have a medical problem and if something goes wrong with your meds or your mental state that requires hospitalization or health decision-making, someone would possibly need to step up and help on your behalf. I understand that you are just getting your treatment underway, and thus are still coming to terms with your condition and what it means to your life and your relationships--but you are no different than someone who is undergoing any other newly diagnosed disease or condition, you need caring, understanding and support so you aren't going through this alone.

You tell family and friends that can be supportive.

but keep it to a minimum otherwise lying becomes your normal behaviour.

Your neighbour, if they are a medic and become aware of your problem within their working medical environment then they are bound by confidentiality. Yes, he/she will have told tales about cases but they should not ever have provided identification information. If they do "tell tales" then avoid them because they're not trustworthy - but remember your judgement is shot at the moment

Your family knows there is something wrong but they are not aware of the precise name of the deficit. You do not have to give them a name for the problem but just tell them that an illness is screwing with your mind. Say, if you want, that you're not sure of the precise problem (which is true, most disorders like this are not precisely defined) but that you are getting the best help possible.

Work is difficult because of the horrible prejudice that surrounds mental health cases and because in the States you lack the basic employment protections us "sufferers in the Socialist Hellholes of Europe&quot TM) enjoy. But if your employer has misjudged your illness then - errr - forget to update him until after everything is in control.

"but keep it to a minimum otherwise lying becomes your normal behaviour. "

That is absolutely what I don't want. Hasn't been my MO to this point, and I don't want to become that, either.

One reason I am so, so torn up by this. A lot of people go through life real asses who think nothing of lying all the time, about all kinds of things. I'm not like that.

and at the moment you are living in fear - another curse that the US health system puts on you: and it ain't your fault! At least the - err - bothersome insurance companies can't pull the "pre-existing condition" cr*p on you.

Set out your worries, things that might cause you to deceive; here are my guesses.
1) Your boss. Fear is justifiable because of your lack of protection. Be careful, you need not lie to him just let his misapprehensions stay until you are more in control. Once you are functional then you can start drip feeding him the actuality. Plan for the time when you can tell him.

2) Family. You know your family far better than I do but I suspect that there must be one member of the group who is more understanding than the others. Start with them, perhaps just noting that your mood is shot and that you are facing a lot of problems, and ask them what they think and what others in your family have noticed. I think it is odds on the family as a whole both suspect and understand far more than you realise.

3) Friends; you probably feel you don't have many, at the moment, in real life. Check round, there may be some who are more aware than others, usually they'll be the ones willing to leave you alone because they're aware of how delicate such things are.

4) Neighbours. What you do in private is your own affair; if some nosy parker starts pressing on the matter smile, sweetly and send them politely on their way.

In these cases work out what is acceptable as a truth without lying, a good one here is "I have a neurological condition, it's not life threatening," if you like you can also add that "it may make me act oddly from time to time". This is entirely true and if people are not educated enough to understand the implications then it is not your job to educate them - until you are at a point where they can understand the entirety of the problem.

There is one person you should never lie to and that is yourself. Because you have little idea about how you are going to react or how things will turn out there will be a temptation to guild the lily. Just keep as grounded as you are and watch out for those, "Hey! I'm so much better I don't need to keep up the treatment," moments. Been there, done that, needed another intervention further down the line.

...and it is hard to get it in balance. That would not be a lie, but could explain behavior without attaching a specific disorder. Yes? No?

I may just up and say "screw it" and come out of the shadows in the flesh and blood world.

I almost think I prefer that to living like this. At least then I don't have to spend every day afraid that one little thing, one phone call to the home number instead of my cell as I requested, one bill from the Psych the day I don't get the mail, that kind of thing.

I'm not going to do this rashly, I decided I'll talk to the people at the hospital and ask them their opinion, and then whatever I decide I'll sleep on it a few days first. Well, ok, not sleep on it, I still basically can't even sleep WITH ambien, so I'll mull it over while I lay awake.

A couple of additional points of clarification.

My job situation has been difficult because I am a legal assistant, and what I do requires precision. One of my big symptoms is extreme inability to concentrate and confusion. Mistakes are time and money, and at least in theory could cause clients significant problems. It is ultimately up to the attorney under both the rules of the Bar and by convention to be responsible for the work product quality of legal assistants, so this means my work must be reviewed and scrutinized, which is good at this point, because my mind has been increasingly confused for the past months, longer than my crisis actually. I will do something, then go back to it just a few hours later and say "WTF is this?" It will be totally wrong. So yes, it does bother me, a lot, that I am screwing up so badly at work, but at least it is reviewed and "fixed" before I can do real harm for the most part, and the things that aren't given higher review are just the really trivial things where mistakes might be embarrassing (clients love to find minor typos, spelling errors on forms, etc) but easily fixed.

My family situation, well, they are the kind of people that if I came out to them and told them I were gay (I'm straight, just using this as an analogy), I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that they would reject me completely. And I think that this news would pretty much go the same way. It's been a difficult relationship over the years. Of course, some of that has to fall on my shoulders, it "takes two to tango". But honestly, a whole lot of family dynamics and problems were set in motion years ago, either before I was born or when I was young, and I don't feel at fault over that. Finally, let me just say that, while my family is NOT religious per se, the attitude if they find this out will be along the lines of "well, this must be your punishment from God for your sins, you deserve it". They seem to think I have committed a lot of sins in my life. I think their entire concept of what constitutes sin in this circumstance is completely warped. My sins, to them, are the fact that they had my life planned out for me, without ever asking if it was what I wanted, and when I rebelled against that because it simply wasn't what I wanted nor was I capable of it, that was a major sin. And everything in life that followed therefore has also been sin to them. My sin, I'm not "successful" and haven't risen to the standards they imposed on me. And honestly, when I look back on my life, and now knowing that I have suffered from this mental illness my entire life and I can see now how it affected me, I am actually proud of the fact that I have done as well as I have. Up until just now, my life has not been anything to brag about, but on the other hand, I've never been in any kind of trouble with the law (total extent of my brushes with the law, a speeding ticket for 7 miles over in 1994), I have no substance abuse issues, I've never been promiscuous or fathered children I don't take care of as sometimes happens with men, I've always worked during my entire life except for a period when I didn't work and went back to school for a different degree. I vote (only one party, yeah buddy!), I pay my taxes, I pay my bills on time, I show up to work every day on time and almost never miss and only then for a truly legitimate "I'm too sick to work today" situation. I'm pretty quiet, keep to myself, and I'm "harmless".

But this situation to me seems SO hard, because I feel like there is no RIGHT answer but plenty of wrong answers. Maybe the best thing I could do is a "perp walk" style brisk "No Comment" and shut up and tell them I plead the 5th and if they have any questions ask my lawyer. Works if you're arrested and interrogated by the police, maybe it would work for me.

Yes, no right answers, and I just have the feeling that I will never have peace on this question, at least not unless my condition is stabilized and I can function in a "normal" manner again (well, as normal as I ever was, which was very functional despite being pretty depressed most of my life).

Part of me thinks maybe I should just "pull the bandage off the wound" and let whatever happens happen. At least then I wouldn't have to expend energy I really don't have within me covering this thing up and always fearing discovery. And I would know where I stand with the Universe and could move on from there. That would actually be the bravest thing I could do. If I choose to do this, it's going to take a while to work up the courage to do that, and some coaching from the mental health professionals as well. Being "out" as mentally ill? Wise choice or not? I really don't know -- maybe I would be condemning myself to a very bad life that way. Our society is hardly enlightened on many matters, which explains such things as prejudice against the GLBT community or against immigrants, frankly, it explains to me the very existence of the Tea Party and its followers. We need enlightenment.

You do not owe full disclosure to your employer. You're doing nothing morally wrong by allowing them to continue to hold false conclusions about your condition. There's nothing wrong with anything you've done, said, or failed to do or say.

My understanding (I'm no lawyer!) is that mental illness is protected by the Americans with Disabilities Act, so even if your employer were to learn your actual problem it does not constitute a valid cause to end your employment with them.

I think you just need to continue to make judgments about the safety of disclosure on a case-by-case basis. Do you have anyone (outside DU) whom you trust to help you with such calls? Ideally, someone IRL who knows your family or employer whom you trust would be an ideal sounding board and help assure you that you're handling this properly (or advise you otherwise if they think you're making a mistake).

I didn't fess up about my main problems on DU for a long time, but it became increasingly clear that it was a safe place to do so and it in some ways is comforting to know I'm not alone. I feel sorry for those who share my conditions, but having gone 45 years without any such matters, it was a bit of a shock to make the transition from excellent health to applying for SSDI. I eased my family into the news (other than wife and kids - they knew all along).

I wear a back brace and use a cane and a service dog when I go out. Originally I would answer the questions in a fair amount of detail. Now I just casually reply, "I broke my back." Some press, most don't. I was embarrassed to go ANYWHERE for a long time).