Yes, your brain will be back and possibly better than ever. It's nothing to dread and nothing to fear. It's just another chapter in life.

she went through it. I do remember that she was very happy once the hormones finally shut down, though. Something else to look forward to.

in a flash...

Others...like me...take forever.

I first started noticing changes when I was about 43.

Didn't get totally finished until 2 years ago when I was 58.


Not quite the horror story I've heard from some women, but not a walk in the park, either. For me, anyway.

In the beginning, I swore I had an evil twin.

As far as the real conversations with real people thing goes, at this point in the process, I find there are lots of things I can't remember, but at least I can talk to people without feeling like I want to knock their heads off into the gutter.

hormones, the bp or both. I am guessing a bit of both because I strongly think that the bp is hormone-influenced.

because of panic disorder/anxiety disorder.

Each of those made the perimenopausal symptoms worse, and fluctuating hormones made the panic/anxiety worse.

It was awfully hard to sort it all out.

part of it.

once I refused to take all the hormones and other meds the doctors were trying to force on me. The hormones made me crazy emotional. Without them I was fine. I'm almost 66 now...it's been about 15 years since I went through menopause and I like being on this side. Don't miss the periods at all.

when I first realized I was going through peri.

Loss of femininity and fertility...thought I would miss my periods. Never really had much trouble with them, to be honest.

Then peri hit, along with the never knowing from one month to the next what my periods would be like.

Very light one month

Flooding the next. I hated the flooding! Mostly overnight. One hint for if you get flooding...buy bladder control pads in heavy duty strength. I actually wore Depends overnight, that's how bad it was. Now I don't miss it at all.


I think the very worst symptom was the breast swelling and tenderness. It was awfully painful. Evening primrose oil eased it, though. I think 1400 mg. per day.

overweight and struggle with that as well.

I had an endometrial ablation in my 30s, so my periods became rare a long time ago. Every once in a while I think I'm having hot flashes, but in reality I'm sick with a bad fever (recently, mild pneumonia ... I'm not real bright). I seem to still have the "ghost periods" - cramps, migraines, chin zit, no-bra-can-hold-ems (ablation, so normal there) ... I'm 47. When?? I've been so ready for like 35 years.

My mom had a very easy peri- and post-menopause; no symptoms other than the obvious one

the pains I have been having in my legs and chest. How come no one tells you about this stuff?

Aunt Flo stopped visiting for good when I was 49, but all the other stuff started a few years earlier. I'm 51 now, and I still haven't gotten my brain back, although I blame a lot of that on stress and sleep issues, the latter of which are likely related both to stress and hormones.

menopause to straighten it out for me.

It's an OTC sleep aid whose primary ingredient is melatonin. I had low expectations for it when I first tried it, but I wish I had not waited so long to try it. The regular formula is good, but the menopause formula is even better.

menopausal products, as they destabilize my bipolar condition. (Not that my hormonal issues don't too.)

life gets a little more downhill every day once you pass over that peak, and that just is what it is.
sorry to be the one.

even out my bipolar. My mom's depression definitely got better after the change.

I figure really I have nowhere to go but up. Emotionally-speaking, at any rate. LOL

Lemon balm, chamomile, and lavender. I think the chamomile adds the extra kick, although lemon balm and lavender are also supposed to relax one, as well. The menopause formula also has a soy-derived ingredient. I haven't really noticed a difference between the it and the "regular" formula. They also have a "pain" formula, which contains a natural ingredient, bromelain. I have used that one once or twice, and it does help ease some of one's minor aches and pains.

Fortunately, I did not have hot flashes or night sweats.

I just hug her and tell her it's okay.

this is happening to me. I knew I was in perimenopause a few years ago, but I thought maybe I would be more like my mom and I would make it closer to 50 before things started to really change.

Last edited Fri Sep 28, 2012, 12:18 PM - Edit history (1)

As a guy, I recognize the "leave me the fuck alone" zone and respect it. It usually results in me giving her back rubs at 3 in the morning (after not getting laid). By then she's forgotten why she was angry about nothing. I keep my cool, like I always have. My youngest (of 3) daughter is the PMS queen. BACK OFF is the operative with her. The older two are much easier to deal with.

On the plus side, GOOD-BYE PUSSY PADS!!!!! Now she only puts them in after a romp in the sack (leakage). I got my nuts clipped 17 years ago, so that's convenient. Fifteen minutes of being a baby on a table and two weeks of stitches getting caught on EVERYTHING!!!

Consider it a blessing. Earlier is better. Well, on that point, we don't have to put down old towels on the bed anymore. It's normal, good, and a convenience. Don't fight it.

Hell, I rarely cum anymore. It isn't the objective now. I just enjoy the closeness. When I was 18, that's all that mattered. Now it's just an "I need to take a nap now" moment. It's just about the closeness. Nothing else matters. Just try not to be a bitch with him (sorry for the language, but I couldn't think of another term). He's aware of what is going on with you. Trust me. You're doing just fine.

On Edit: I've gotten a lot of VERY negative feedback on this post. I'm leaving it in place AND with the original text for the reason that removing or altering it would render said negative feedback pointless. There are some very well phrased posts that follow and very good points. Removing it would be, well, cowardly. I posted it and got reamed out for it. Please read the responses to this post.

Then I hold her the NEXT day. It's not her fault.

You may and probably will call me a prude but I know that I'm not alone in thinking your post is, as I said. Crude and over the top.

There was a time when bodily function and sex threads were not only frowned upon in the lounge but were forbidden.

I'm all for going back to those days.

I alerted, yes. But the jury in their infinite wisdom voted to let your post stay.

pity.


aA.

But it is a very serious issue and she's not alone in what she's going through, and neither are men like me who have to deal with it in the most sensitive way we can. Many don't.

the only one going through it and I'm glad that there are partners who can be supportive.

Your crude and crass paragraph about your intimate life details was totally unnecessary and over the top.


All of your crude posts have been over the top even for the lounge.

aA

And when MFM gets on your case, you KNOW you're in trouble.

It sounds like you need to tone it down even more.

Your above post is in extremely poor taste, and quite frankly, I found it disgusting.

But you go on with your bad self.

I know what it's like to joke around etc and it is the internet so sometimes things go here that don't in real life, but the personal details are too much. Whatever you point was reading that paragraph made me cringe some and I am not even remotely close to being prudish about these things. I probably joke around and use too much innuendo myself. It just stood at as a very uncomfortable, crass post with unnecessary information. I would say that you know is a good step, just be extra wary of including the personal details and the overtly sexual references.

But it was a thread about menopause and there are some very serious issues on that subject. I use PM for a lot of "detailed" things, but there are times when the general post contributes to the discussion. Crude, yes. Personal and over the top, most likely. I still appreciate input from other members and don't hold grudges. That shit doesn't fly in GD at all. The Lounge is a bit different and, as I said, the jury system has popped me doing 55 in a 25 mph zone a few times. It isn't my intention to offend by any means, but when it does, I like to know about it. And yes, such feedback does influence the choice of language I use.

In the particular post you are referring to, I believe (word choice aside) that the circumstances are common with couples hitting our age (wife and myself). It's uncomfortable and awkward for both. The thread was a call out for help on the issue. Whether I used appropriate language or not is debatable, but I tend to lean to your side of the argument (as in I fucked up). It is just what we've been through.

about an issue that only a woman would know about. That you got into personal things about yourself and sex was really off topic and just TMI. But at least you know, it's something you can keep in mind next time you post and all.

And yes, as I said I appreciate input, the choice of words was inappropriate. It's still something we all deal with, male or female. My wife's having a really tough time with it and it's everything I can do to avoid making her feel bad about what she's dealing with. Yes, it is a male issue too. So is erectile disfunction (on both sides). I had an anti-seizure medication that completely shrunk up the unit. It wasn't just me dealing with that problem. The neurologist switched my drug to another one and the problem went away. My wife's spent day after day in the hospital watching over me and questioning what medications I was being given (IVs) and why. All you can do is stick together.

Again, sorry for the language (editing period has expired, and deleting it would leave people wondering about the follow-up posts), but that's still relevant to the OP. I'll easily admit I erred in choice of wording (and have a few times now). It's still a serious issue and one everyone will face eventually.

She wasn't asking for a man's input though, that's probably the primary issue. That and like what you just said to me. Nobody really needs to hear things like your "shrunk up unit." Just too personal, particularly in a thread that is specifically about a female issue.

that language?

Apolgizing AFTER the fact EVERY time doesn't make it ok.

I seriously don't know why any of your posts are allowed to stay.


I think you enjoy being crass.

aA

There isn't a short editing period on DU3. We can edit posts days and even weeks later.

... have a context based on the original post. Yeah, okay, I fucked up, but it would render the subsequent posts meaningless if I edited or deleted it. It's one of those "live and learn" things. Thanks for letting me know that they removed the editing restrictions. Somehow I missed that.

I think that gesture would be much appreciated, in fact.

Just re-read the post and look for the "On Edit" section at the bottom.

It's way, way, WAY over the top in terms of crude, crass and lack of sensitivity.

You probably didn't intend it to be that way, but it is. I would remove it all except for an explanation.

Again, just a strong suggestion from someone with absolutely zero power to compel anyone to do anything in this situation. I just think it would go a long way to mending fences with a lot of people here that you really offended.

I'm not going to hide from my mistake. The comments (mostly nasty) that follow are valuable and shouldn't be disregarded. I've had a few supportive PMs on the post (keyword: "few&quot and some really ugly ones as well. Deleting it would only create curiosity. And no, I didn't intend it as most people interpreted it. I'm not misogynistic by any means. And if those fences need to be mended, deleting the post won't do a damn thing in that regard.

Thank you for the input. I always appreciate that, negative or positive, or even neutral for that matter. We aren't human if we can't accept criticism.

in a message that clearly had no boundaries, I find that ironic.

That post set off a shit storm. I don't remember if I posted it or replied to a PM about it, but I'm leaving the post as it is to maintain the relevance of responses like yours (and several others). Modifying it or deleting it would undo the effort you've put in to putting me in my place.

despite the crudity of your word choice, I appreciated your post. Especially the last part about the closeness. My husband tells me this but I wondered if he was placating me. Hearing it from someone else made me smile. Thanks.

... and then holding her while she sleeps is what feels most satisfying.

eom

I don't doubt that the OP is totally sincere, but of all the places to post for advice on this...

Any of the health or women's forums could have handled the discussion in a beneficial manner and without allowing commentaary that is ugly in its sexist and degrading emphasis on menstruation's inconvenience to MEN. Unbelievable.

Some of the posters in this thread are every bit as disgusting in their attitudes towards women, every bit as condescending and every bit as clueless as Senate candidate Todd Akin.

probably not the place to post it. Not really the OP's fault, it's just you know it will attract some iffy responses, particularly from men.

is exponentially busier and I figured my odds of getting an answer were higher. As for the course the conversation took, well, based on the way I worded my OP I hadn't expected things to take quite the direction they have in some of the subthreads.

Overall, though, I am very grateful to be able to hear from DUers about their experiences. With my mom and grandmothers gone, I kind of feel at a loss entering this next phase of life guidance-wise. (I do have a good older friend and a couple of aunts, but it was nice to hear from others as well, especially regarding some of the remedies I can buy or try.)

I co-moderate HOF and I can assure you that I will not allow anyone to derail the discussion. It has very active participation too.

My only advice is not to immediately rule out hormone replacement. Do a lot of reading on your options and really screen/qustion your doctor(s) before making a decision. There is a lot of changing attitudes on it, since the infamous study that scared the bojeebus out of every woman and their OB-GYN. Further, not all hormone replacement is based on Big PharmaX chemical analogues of hormones your body normally produces or equine conjugate derived. The risks from bio-identical hormone replacement has not been shown to remotely parallel those from these artificial substitutes. So, if you are having real quality of life issues, have some very direct discussions with your treating physician.

bailed because of it.

Thank you for the invite. Which group do you think is best for that sort of discussion? I didn't see a specific "Women's Health" forum.

in the History of Feminism (and Feminists group, likewise, I'm sure)

Thanks again!

TMI, to be sure. Bodily functions galore. Just an ugly post all around.

Just my opinion, of course.

'Cuz I can tell you, my husband would live to regret if I saw this on the internet about me.

That is what has been bugging me about it. Not just TMI about himself, but about somebody else, not cool.

supportive compassionate info.

I love how you exemplify what a loving man should do, too. The need for good role models doesn't stop after childhood! (Hope I find one someday )

Maybe back when families were extended with several generations together it was easier to find loving advice, (unless the family was one of those hopelessly dysfunctional ones ), but now, we are so fragmented, we must find love, experience and understanding in other ways.

I give your post two thumbs up!

So I got a nice greeting when I passed out a month after my bday. Then, monthly migraines just before the period, night sweats, the urge to kidnap cute babies (and they all looked cute to me), crying at the drop of a hat....on and off, lasted till I was 53. In the worst of it, older women would tell me I'd get to the other side and feel amazing; I told them I'd cut them if they didn't STFU.

But guess what? Those old ladies were right! Since you are far enough away not to threaten me
I can wax enthusiastic about the greatness of Haggism. I'm 58 now, and I feel amazing! My moods and my weight are no longer contingent on rising and falling estrogen. In fact, I feel like my 11 yr old self was in stasis all these years, but now she's back and I can pick up where I left off. Life is awesome right now. I wouldn't trade how I feel to be 10 years you ger, no way!

So hang in there. Better days really are ahead!

about my current babies being off to Jr and Sr high school. I just miss them when they were tiny.

I am hanging in there, but worried I have to keep hanging in there for the next 15 years.

My biggest problem was sleep. I didn't really sleep for about three years. I'd drop to just below the level of consciousness and hang there, vaguely aware of my body and sometimes dropping into dreams but often just hang there. I could endure two nights on a row but the third just about drove me nuts. Eventually I'd crash. Add to it flashes only at night, so I often woke up with the "feeling of doom" that sometimes precedes one. Actually, once I knew it was a symptom it didn't bother me, but throwing th covers on and off and trying to keep the room below freezing was a problem.

It's much better now. I still have some night flashes (never during he day unless I drink alcohol) but they're not a big problem. And HALLELUJAH I sleep most of the time. My already slow metabolism is shit. And my dermal layer is thinning, dammit.

As for not remembering words, I'm afraid that one can hang around. But it doesn't get awful, just funny. "You know, that thing. the THING over there beside the whatsis that we got from whatsername."

Good luck, dress light, laugh.

And get some sleep.

man were they unpleasant and annoying. Also, didn't know about that doom thing either.

is a common phrase in my house.

the stirring thing = spoon

that letter thing = mailbox

the water thing = faucet

the whoozie, the whatzit, the whatever, the thingamajig, etc.

I sometimes worry about having dementia, but have read that it's only considered when you can't remember what "that thing" is used for.

Like a fork. Or a clock. Toilet paper...microwave...

etc.

Well, I guess that depends.

my kids are used to it. "Hey, you! Whichever one you are, cut it out!"

part of it long before peri...

mixing the kids' names up with the pets'

(wrong name), (wrong name), (wrong name)....Oh, whatever your name is!!!

.
.
.
TIM... TOM... TED... TOM... TED... DAMMIT, YOU KNOW WHICH ONE I'M TALKING TO!!!!!"
.
.
.
One tip: It didn't annoy us... we laughed our asses off. We thought she was just so irritated that
she got tongue-tied. THAT was funny as hell to us.
.
.
.
Thank you. This has been an eye-opener. If we had known it might have been her going through
menopause (she would have never been able to discuss that with us), I doubt very much we would
have laughed at her (though if Sandy's name HAD gotten into the mix, all bets are off).
.
.
.

our Mom a hard time over that stuff too. I guess it's just typical kid behavior? I know my own teen/tween boys have no problem with laughing at me for the forgetfulness. And sometimes it is funny. You know the old, "Where are my glasses... which are on top of my head" type of stuff.

More than once she would finally exclaim, "number 2, stop!"

There are nine of us ... when my Mom got anxious or flustered she didn't even try. Sort of a funny story (maybe not to some, but whatever) .... we were all in our station-wagon heading out the the coast for a vacation, 9 kids bored and restless for hours at a time. It got so bad for her she warned us the next one to yell or cause trouble, she'd smack! Well, she was driving so could only hit backwards, without looking. My brothers would hold up the littlest one ... as long as she felt her hand hitting flesh, she seemed to calm down. God we were horrible.

that I was "basically in the normal range." She never asked about family history - I was the first one to make it to 40 without a hysterectomy, so no one knows what a "normal" age is in my family.

And then I got pregnant - at 41.

I started up again with hot flashes, night sweats and the memory thing around 45. The irregular period thing was around 49, and they didn't stop completely until 52.

While most of the other symptoms have subsided, I still suffer with the hot flashes - my mother had them until she died at 70 - although they're not nearly as bad as they were. I do have to crank the a/c down when I get up in the morning, because there's a monster at 7:20, and another again at 8:15 - every friggin' day.

And the peeing thing drives me nuts! (If I hear someone else pee, I have to pee. If I hear running water, I have to pee. If the sprinklers turn on, I have to pee. If it rains, I have to pee. And if I'm driving to work and the person in front of me washes his/her windshield, I have to pee!)

But I don't have a period any more, so it all balances out.

am on.

The peeing thing will be a breeze. I have lived with it for pretty much my whole life.

Night sweats & hot flashes were tamed with chocolate soy milk.. Symptom free ever since.

You can find it in many grocery and drug stores. It's in the aisle with the vitamins, and is next to the Estroven and other products that supposedly help with menopausal symptoms. It's black cohosh, and I recommend it over any other brands of black cohosh, because it's standardized. (Made in Germany. They are very meticulous about these kinds of things.) It takes a few weeks to kick in, but really tames the hot flashes.

This is totally unfair!! I demand a hysterectomy NOW. 40+ years of this bullshit.....

like my hair color and skin tone, my lips, sex life, and of course my brain.

Hair color gone? Check!

Skin tone gone? Check!

Lips? Check!

Brain? Long gone!

Sex life? Way too exhausted to even think about it after a packed day of physical labor on the farm in my 50s!!!

Those are things that are just related to aging, not necessarily tied to menopause as far as I can tell.

posessed by Satan when she went through menopause. My sister would do something wrong...and she'd hit me on "general principals."

I am having hot flashes. The first couple of times I had them I thought there was something very wrong with me and almost called an ambulance. Fortunately, I was able to get ahold of my sister and she was able to tell me what was going on. I had no idea!

I do feel warmer than usual for my time of month, considering the cooler weather now. I always used to be freezing at this time, and this morning I had to shed the flannel workshirt I call my "robe" while getting the kids out the door to school.

I've been "spacing out" all my life.

Your doctor can run tests to see if you are definitely going through it---I think just by bloodwork.

When I was 24 I had a fibroid tumor in my uterus that had to be removed. It was the size of a grapefruit (I know, gross) so they gave me a couple shots of interferon to try and shrink it before surgery, which gave me menopausal side effects. The hot flashes were so weird.

Not looking forward to it as it means I'm getting older----I'm just really struggling with that lately.

have clued me in.

No trauma at all. Just a few hot flashes. Not a bad thing at all.

I remember one day drinking hot coffee and sweating so much I was dripping!

This worked like a charm for me: Um, what were we talking about? Is it just me or did it suddenly get really hot in here?

hormone patches to avoid the inevitable and stay young longer

It might be for nothing but I have a nasty cancer streak in my family. No breast or ovarian but I'm paranoid anyway. And apparently you have to stop sometime and then go through the withdrawal.

If you want to protect your bones but don't have family issues with breast cancer, yes I know that's not really enough but.., and you want to stay younger looking and put off hot flashes the products they have now are less damaging and some say even give a protective effect.

Like Eric Cartman...

But it is nice. We're all Irish and Indian and there's not a lot of osteoporosis there. I know the new stuff is way better; it's largely paranoia but it's my paranoia.

Everyone has their paranoia - mine is radiation - doesn't that test mean radiation exposure?

From when I first began cycling, I got migraines that correlated with my cycle. In my thirties I began having longer, heavier periods and the migraines got worse, lasted longer and came more than once a month. By the time I was in my mid-forties the whole situation became debilitating and I was losing two weeks a month to bleeding and migraines. The hot flashes and night sweats were horrendous - I could not get through a night without being drenched in sweat multiple times and simply got used to sleeping in a soaking wet bed.

I talked to my Mom and she told me it took her over ten years (probably closer to fifteen years) from when she began having symptoms until they stopped. Then I went to my doctor and he sent me to a OB-GYN who was great. He tried a D&C and when that didn't make a difference so we went for a full hysterectomy and took out the ovaries as well as the uterus. I went on hormone replacement patches for ten years - probably should have stopped using them sooner, but there was so much other stuff going on in my life, I just kept with the routine.

It has been great - I have my life back! No spending days leaking and ruining clothes for a week a month. No night sweats or hot flashes. NO MIGRAINES for the first time in forty years. I didn't realize until after I was recovered from the surgery how bad off I had been. I was able to be active again until my second knee went bad. Now that both knees are replaced, I'm hoping to have another life revival, LOL.

no more PMS. Wonderful!

The brain fog is pretty frustrating but it does go away eventually. The problem is that it'll start coming back when you're over 50.

Recognizing that you're having mood swings is the first step towards self-correcting the associated outbursts. I realize that for you it's complicated by bipolar disorder and have no advice there except to say that there must be a lot of women with bipolar disorder who struggle with the same issue, and Google is your friend.

something, and then Fog 2.0 will deploy. LOL

I don't endorse anything they say so there's that. But there really is a LOT there to help women deal with the vicissitudes of menopause and it's very positive. I haven't gone there much but I always pick up some good ideas when I have.

familiar, I can't remember what it means.

im 50 now, still crazy mood swings, memory is a little better, no sex drive at all
but no major weight gain and ive still got my own hair colour