I'm on my 4th or 5th crisis.

I'd suggest watching "Ikiru" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0044741/
and/or "Wild Strawberries" http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0050986/

But I'm back in school at least part time and trying to finish that four year degree. I still work full time and I'm happily married. I've got a nice place to live and a nice car and all that.

The hardest times in my life were when I was growing up and when I was in my 20s. I didn't start being happy until I hit 30. I just turned 40.

Listen to it. Work for what's important to you and you may have set aside. You can't be a kid again but you can do the middle aged version of what you love. I imagine the loss of the job makes things very hard but hopefully you will get work in an area that fulfills you. The rest is about honesty with yourself and others.

I don't say this lightly. I really was on the edge of not making it. But it got me back in school, got me declaring myself and what is important to me in a way I'd never done (make-or-break). It got me looking for people who share my way of being in the world and the benefit from that is outstanding. Networking in areas in which you care and can do good work is vital. It'll open you up to possibilities you don't know exist.

Your last question? It's both. And it's useful if you can let it be. Good luck.

in my first post in this thread, but decided not to. That seems to be sort of what you are saying here, though. Am I right?

I don't want to be glib at all. It's like trying to be an adolescent all over again, times a bunch.

We all have different tolerances for change. I've dramatically changed my life several times, and it was difficult, but I seem to be tolerant of the stress that change entails. My wife, on the other hand, is averse to change. When we met I figured that out pretty early, and when it became time to make some big changes I tried to take care of it all from my side of the relationship.

This is one area where we have a bit of trouble in our relationship. She wants everything to stay the same and I seem to thrive on change. I have to have new stuff happen to me here and there and it causes her stress. If I'm not making waves every once in a while I start to feel stagnant.

and expect them to come to pass. There are too many variables in too long a time.

Right down to the details that you described. And its easy to become increasingly disconnected and more like a non-person. Its not a matter of failing to get what you wanted, but rather the realization that you have run out of viable options to move in any direction other than downward that is the most frustrating thing. You're not alone.

I had planned nothing
I had no expectations
not disappointed

The last one at 4.5 years was the longest in my life. The only other notable ones lasted much less than a year, usually.

absolutely NOTHING has turned out like I thought it would.

Great ride, though. Outrageous. The horrors of Hell itself at times, the Grace of another sunrise after that.

I have seen human kindness that would make Christ weep with joy and cruelties beyond Satan.

Just human stuff.

Run with it. Follow your Muse/Fate/Path.......

Embrace your life. You only get one.

Usually I am able to flip a switch and try not to think about things in a negative way-yesterday was not one of those days! I been told that I am strong and "you will get thru this" but quite frankly I just want to ride the baby coaster for awhile and not have to deal will the big ups and downs all the time.