As bad as it seems now it will get better and you may find the one.

So for 4 plus I years I was deluding myself.

He claims to love me still, yet he's found another person.

I am a total wreck right now. I can't get through a single day without crying.

There is no way I can ever feel good again.

You may feel bad now but it to will pass and you will move on. Its all part of human relations we fall in and out of love.

It's tough, but there's joy on the other side of the pain. It does get better.

Don't even try to hold it in. It's important to go through the grieving process without trying to rush or deny it.

move on until they've already set up another person. They are too fearful to exist alone. That's not about the old relationship, or the new. It's about the insecurities.

I have a tendency to being a recluse, it's true, but I always have to be alone for a while before I can stomach the thought of dating or trying to meet people.

In fact, if my favorite crush were to throw himself at me, I'm not sure I could say yes to that even.

He always wanted to move more quickly than I did.

I have seen it, though, with friends, and with my last ex-husband.

...BETTER OFF WITHOUT him! Look how he treated you--is that the character of someone you wanted to have a long-term relationship with?? Better that you found out now what a jerkwad he is, BEFORE you made a long-term commitment to a jerk. How miserable would you be then, when maybe you couldn't get out of it?

There ARE other people--BETTER people--out there, and you CAN find them! Just go do something you enjoy, and you will run into them! Keep faith! Good luck to ya, keep us posted and let us know if we can help you. Here at DU, we have big shoulders you can cry on, and ears that will listen without judgment.

But I've been there-- and gotten over it. I was so I love with this man, I cannot even BEGIN to tell you things I did for him. We lived together, we're planning on getting married etc etc. He took his kids on a trip one week, cheated on me with his ex wife, came back and dumped me. Omg, I literally wanted to die. I cried constantly-- forever. I've have never hurt so bad in my life. Now, I can see him and not bat an eye.

I wonder about people who make seemingly snap judgments like that. I don't think I ever could, even if no one else would get hurt in the process.

I'm just a little insecure I guess about the whole dating thing.

I was with someone for 9 years, when he came home and told me he wasn't happy. Stupid me thought it was because of work. We just bought a new home 6 months prior, we had a 3 year old daughter, and thing were finally starting to turn our way financially. Boom! He packed his bags and moved out the next day. I can't say it will be easy or quick, it took me years to finally move on but you will get over it. You will eventually be able to move on with your life and one day you will realize that you have not thought about him once all day. Then it will turn into a week and so on...

Right now you need to heal. If you have to cry then cry. I found it best to remain busy, although I did find my concentration was not great. So I did stupid mindless things. I organized drawers, closets, the car, the shed, the basement anything so I wasn't just sitting there wallowing.

Don't worry so much about dating yet. You need to get yourself back first then you can take that next step.

You are in my thoughts.

It's hard being in a new town where I know next to nobody except the people I work with.

But at least there is no chance I'd run into them anywhere and no place reminds me of him.

I realized shortly after I did that profile that it was much too soon, so I disabled it for now.

I've joined a few Meet-up groups, so I'll see how that goes first.

Plus you'll be of like minds politically, maybe have some laughs, and who know....in time you may meet someone special. Been there done that. It takes a while for the heart to heal, but it does if you let other happiness into your life.

For one, we weren't married and he didn't cheat during the relationship (so far as I know and I know him to be a pretty straight arrow).

He just met someone else that he wanted to pursue after I moved for a job across the country.

You have bigger fish to fry

I've been through something similar, which is still dragging, since I haven't moved out of his house yet.
Some men are simply selfish jerks, they will use us then dispose of us as they please. I'm alone in this country, no family here except my ( ex now ) fiance. So its going to be awefully hard for me to move on and start from 0. But I will have to. And so do you. And thousands of other ppl who are suffering just like us.
My ex cheated on me with call girls ( found their phone numbers in his cell) and now I think he might've went back to his ex wife.
It's horible to go through this. I'm so numb most of the time, I'm still in shock. But its all real and I have to face it.

You probably know the say that Time fixes everything. Well, its true. And its the only thing that works. Time dulls the pain , and sometime soon you'll be able to smile and be happy again. We just have to be strong now . I'm looking at it as a huge chalange, as having to win for myself, and my parents who want me happy and safe.

Please take care of yourself. You're not alone.

Hugs x

When it seems to come from out of the blue.

Time is the only thing that works, that's true, but, in the middle of it, it doesn't seem possible really.

Idle time gives your mind time to wander, dwell and teouble you. Always remember, the best revenge is living better

I'm looking at Coursera, maybe thinking of taking a programming class or something to stay busy.

Or trying to finish Skyrim.

Ive seen plenty of guys who go for the train wreck because they think something is better than nothing. I have a friend who blogs about online dating and the pitfalls of it. Check it out, it may be the same sort of thing you are encountering.

http://abinormaldating.wordpress.com/

I didn't ask, because I really didn't want to know.

What I've read is pretty good so far.

You have my sympathies. It's perfectly okay to take some time off. I can only tell you that my personal experience on OK Cupid ended well. I was on/off/on/off for two years there until last September when I met the right girl. I'm 47 and she's a 19 year old acrobat. Ha ha, just kidding. We're both in our 40s. But we only found each other right when she'd given up on finding the right person--I was literally the last shot she was gonna give OKC. Of all the free sites it's the best (tho some people swear by Plenty of Fish. I don't cause the name also can be read "Plenty Offish". But it seems less fun to me.

It's okay to be selective and to ignore people way too old for you. It's also a GREAT idea to block out and ignore anyone who you used to be involved with. It's not a race to see who lands someone first. It's your chance to mingle and see who all might be out there. And be forgiving toward yourself. A lot of people are really hard on themselves when they don't get success on a dating site.

It's very hit or miss; and that may be especially true here. I live in a small town, but it's very close to bigger areas; the Outer Banks and Norfolk/ Va. Beach. I realize those aren't the most liberal of places, but I have already found a local Freethinkers groups, who meets regularly in a local bar. So I've met a few people to socialize with already.

I found a couple of chapters of Drinking Liberally as well. And some other Meetups, including a kayaking group. I haven't actually attended any of their functions yet, though.

I don't intend to hide my atheism or liberalism. It's not that I would object to dating someone who wasn't either of those; it's just that they would not rank as high for me as those who were. From my limited experience so far, people just don't read the profiles. I guess I've always noticed that, though.

In the end, it's a numbers game, of course. But as I said at first, it's also good to take time out and just be a person not on the prowl. It was only after I figured that out that I was able to relax and be myself enough to start a long term relationship.

Then, move on and find someone wonderful.

But until you are OK in and of yourself, without a partner, you'll always be more vulnerable.

I'm not talking the "fuck you, world" variety of being alone. Just being alone, and at peace, and enjoying your own company.

I've been where you are, and it's very hard. But you know you'll come through it, and if you really like yourself and your own company, and can be alone without feeling lonely (most of the time) you'll be able to forge a much stronger relationship the next time around.

will not last long and it is his way of "getting even". You concentrate on you. Relax and just enjoy you for a while. If you find a playmate enjoy that to. Do not hurry into a new relationship. And don't let your mind linger on him, it will just hurt you.

Today was a better day than when I wrote the original.

Maybe now I can finish all those video games that I buy but never finish.

You're already thinking about the future and making plans. You have great ideas about how to meet new people and whenever you feel ready you will be able to put those plans into action.

I didn't cry at all, so that's something. I feel pretty normal right now, if not exactly happy.

I'm sure there will be moments that won't be so good, but I'll take what I can get.

I like my job, which helps. I plan on throwing myself into that and learn some new things.

... but if there are jokes, then you're not alone in this ...

http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018220047

So far I only have the one cat, though.

It did wonders for me.

I got it all out of my system. It makes you cry and then poof it's over!

I got stuck on Patsy Cline. She had quite a few sad songs. Walkin after midnight, Crazy, I Fall to pieces.

Country music in general is full of them.

But I found a good angry ones too. Mental Revenge (which is a Mel Tillis song actually, but I listened to the Linda Ronstadt version).

I hope that the friend
You've thrown yourself with
He gets drunk and loses his job
And every road that you travel on
Is dusty, rocky and hard
I couldn't make you love me
You only made me blue
So all in all, if the curtain should fall
Lord, I hope that it falls on you.

I will have sweet, sweet, sweet mental revenge.
I will have sweet, sweet, sweet mental revenge.

And it goes on like that, just change the pronoun to she and I'm feeling lots better.