The feeling of being overwhelmed is hard, I've been there. I think you need to take it slow, day by day, and come up with a plan to resolve situations, whatever that may be. If it means leaving the job, so be it. Your future happiness is more important than anything else.

We have a MHSG on DU, it helps a lot, too.

Good luck.

I don't have anyone to talk to about my work issues. My boyfriend helped me a lot; he was the one person I turned to and now he's gone and I'm just lost.

Well, being in and around the DC area, I tend to use meetup for groups of interest.

Like, I joined a hiking group, a salsa tango group, a capoeira group, a zen group and now a painting group!

I don't get to do it often, but it is a nice way to meet new people and expand horizons on subjects you get interested in.
I have no idea what State you are in, so I am sorry I can not help.

I don't put stock on dating sites, so I rather find something active and go do it in a group.
If something happens, well then, something happens.

Most of them are in Virginia beach, about 40 miles away. I have yet to go to many events because meeting new people is a little frightening to me. I'm in North Carolina.

I've joined a kayak group, but I don't kayak in winter. After the water warms I'll probably get out some.

Virginia Beach?
Dang, that is a drive for me. 2 hour plus I think.

Thing with me and meeting new people, I just go to the event, do what is to be done and enjoy myself no matter what.
If I get to meet new people, bonus. Otherwise, it is nice to just do an activity for the sake of the subject itself.

Saturday! Painting and wine for me...
Sounds so awesome.

So, sometimes it may be best to just look for things that would enhance yourself as a person.
Either way, it is still something new to talk about.

Sending much luck!

It was a tour, but not like one of those where the guide lectures you on the art. His role was just to foster conversation about the art. And it worked, sort of. It was cool though.

One of the art museums has glass-blowing classes. I'd do it but it's kind of pricey. I'm looking for cooking classes or something like that.

The high school where my son goes has classes in the evening. Their cooking class this session is 8 Chinese cooking lessons. Most of the classes run from around $75 to the low $100s.

First, a hug

Second, a suggestion, but you don't have to if it doesn't feel right for your needs:

Make a list of every single thing that you're struggling to deal with. Everything.
Divide these things into lists of things you can do something about, and things you can't do anything about, at least not now.
Prioritize the can-do list: start with the easiest thing, because that's how you will build your sense of confidence that you can successfully tackle the next, and the next, and the next, and so on. Reward yourself every time you cross something off the list.
Before long, your list of cross-offs will be longer than your list of issues and you will be able to see how much you have managed to deal with. Then you'll be up to deciding what to do with the rest of the stuff. Maybe some issues will have faded away, maybe some impossible things will not look do-able.

Finally, post again and let us know how you're doing -- DU Lounge is an amazingly caring place.

Good suggestions. Thanks

I am so sorry for what you're going through, and trust me I can relate - almost to the 'nth detail - with how you're feeling!

I wish I had advice but I struggle daily with how to alleviate my own situation.

I know what it's like. I think I largely felt that way for the past few years, but I'm doing a lot better now.

Personally, I'm a big proponent of quitting, if you think that could make you feel better. Of course I say this, but I never do it. I stuck out finishing up a PhD when I probably should have walked away when they stopped supporting it financially (three year contract - the last two years were on my own).

Of course I think I would have finished early had my girlfriend not left me, sending me from close to the edge to over the edge, but that's only speculation. There's no control group for our lives, so it's best to just not worry about what could have been and do our best to roll with the punches. Still, I'm completely sympathetic to wanting someone to be there with you for it.

Know any single women under 40 near Zürich?

Because apartments are scarce here, they cost a lot, but I decided to renew my lease for another year. But I am going to start looking for jobs in places I want to live, not take the approach I took before. Which was basically, as long as it was an advancement, I didn't care where it was. Now, I think I'll choose the locations first, then find suitable jobs to apply for. And maybe by the time my lease comes up again, I will have found something.

And it's not that I don't like my job. Mostly I do. I just feel overwhelmed by it at the moment.

I've always gone for going to wherever it was I had to go to do what I wanted to do, but I often get sick of it. A lot of why I got a PhD was just so I could be in one place for a number of years (it was the longest I lived in once place since I was 18; the same house for more than 4 years and the same town for five), but now I'm a vagrant again. I've got a great gig here until June, and then it's up in the air.

In contrast, my brother took the route of choosing the place he wanted to live. He's a licensed attorney but works as a bartender. He likes it. He owns a house which he's put a lot of work into, has a good relationship, takes vacations, etc.; all things that I don't have.

... I don't know if I'd trade though. The good things from this way of life are really good, but the bad things are really bad. *sigh*

Makes me long for sleep, really...

It's why I let myself get lost in daydreams, to the detriment of productivity.

I moved to a new place twice and hated I both times for about a year or so. It takes time to meet people for me. Maybe you could join a gym or club?
Keep on truckin'. It will get better.

There is simply nothing to do here. I leave town to have fun. There's one bar that's okay, with a very good beer selection. I have met some other like-minded people and we get together once a month or so.

I live in a town of 3500. I suppose I know what you mean. I'm moving soon. I can't wait.
I had a really odd period in my life. My friend basically forced me to go talk to a therapist. It was a good decision. Therapists are impartial and can help organize your thoughts.

I still go when i'm stressed.

Daily. I am counting days to retirement, 561 to go. I think I can keep faking it that long, I've been doing for so long.

The secret is to get your people to supervise themselves. IOW, make them responsible for doing your job. That's right. Get them to do your job for you. If you do it right, they will like you more because you will be out of their hair.

My favorite boss was like that. He trusted us to do what we needed to do. I also had a bad boss who was a micromanager.

I think my main problem right now is one of communication, which is my biggest problem generally.

My problem employee, the one who complained constantly, quit for greener pastures. The one person I've hired so far is excellent. I have two more to hire soon. Hopefully they will be good too.

1. Stay and be unhappy.
2. Stick it out and hope things will change.
3. Make the decision to leave and work toward that end.

It's your life, kiddo. We don't get a re-do. Best wishes to you,

I moved to find a better job. Left my husband to separate, but he was supposed to follow me to the big city...we were just going to have a short break. I moved here. Job was horrible. My cheap apartment was depressing and in a bad part of town. I didn't have enough money to even open a checking account. My husband decided not to come. And I discovered I was pregnant. I ended up having to work late a few times....I rode the bus, so that meant I had to stand on the dangerous street corner downtown, alone, waiting for the bus in the cold and rain, and pregnant. In fact, when I had my miscarriage (called spontaneous abortion), I was standing on the street corner in my raincoat, in the dark, alone, with rags and toilet paper between my legs to catch the blood. Trying not to cry.

I was alone and lonely and broke. No family in the state. I did have one acquaintance here, so that helped for some social contact. I cried every day, and then almost every day, on the streets as I walked to the bus. Then the crying got less. I considered suicide. My ex got mean. I almost couldn't bear it. Oh...my paycheck money was also stolen from me by some thugs. And my car broke down.

To make a long story short (too late!), IT GETS BETTER. This time in your life is a down time. I've noticed that in my life there are times that are good, then there are down times, then there are up times again, and so forth. Nothing stays the same.

You can regroup, make other plans, and work toward those plans. You are the type of person who can do that, if you are the type of person to pick up and move there in the first place. You're not just anybody, the sort who stays put while being miserable.

You will remember these days as your dark days. You have learned from your mistakes. That is worthwhile, they say. If your boyfriend abandoned you like that, he wasn't worth your while, anyway. But bear this in mind with men in the future: out of sight does mean out of mind, for some men; and absence does NOT always make the heart grow fonder.

What I have learned as an older woman: It DOES matter where you live, if you want to meet a soulmate. If you are a chunky brunette, don't move to L.A., for example. But I have found that there are more men in smaller cities and towns; I think that's because a lot of women move to cities for job opportunities.

Lots of people join the online dating sites. It's no longer a stigma. I've known two (or more?) women who met their husbands that way.

I was able to gradually better my circumstances. I changed jobs, met more people. Then I moved to a cuter condo in a better part of town. I changed jobs again and got more money. I bought a house. I kept getting raises and getting paid more, I had a 401K, was able to get a new car. I made more friends. I never did meet another soulmate, but that's because of me. If I had concentrated on that, I could have.

Take heart. It WILL get better. It sounds cruel to say this now, but attitude and perseverance have a lot to do with that. A positive outlook on your future will do wonders for you. Believe that things will turn around for you (with your help), because they will. NOTHING stays the same. Of course, even when times are great, it's good to remember that things won't stay that way, either.

Good luck. I know you can do it. The kind of person who picks up and moves like you did (and like I did), really does have the right stuff to better your circumstances, when things aren't working out. You are special. You can do this.

BTW, I think that maybe you are not so much over your head in your new job as maybe you just don't like it. I've noticed that people are often not good at things because they don't like to do those things in the first place. GOOD LUCK! Let us know how you're doing.

my job, that is.

I have responsibilities that my previous job did not prepare me for. I don't know why they hired me, as inexperienced as I was at leading people. And maybe I'm truly not a leader. But I try to remember how my favorite boss did it and emulate him. It's quite different than anyone else in this office. My coworkers supervise by intimidation or by micromanaging. There's a lot of yelling. Not my style at all. But I think that's a good thing.

So the learning curve has been rather steep. Plus no one really walked me through the whole program and what needed to be done when. So I have things thrown at me from out of the blue, stuff I should have known but just didn't.

Honestly I do feel abandoned, a bit. Last June I was looking forward to the day we would be living together again. Now I just go home to an empty apartment. I have a jigsaw puzzle on my dining room because, who cares? It's not like anyone is coming for dinner.

The job situation makes the broken heart pain worse, and the broken heart makes it almost impossible for you to concentrate on your job. So your boyfriend issue is affecting your job performance, is what I'm trying to say. I'd imagine no matter what job you had right now, you would be lousy at it because you're naturally depressed and distraught, to put it mildly, and not able to concentrate.

I'm one to say that...never give up the ship. If you think it's a good job but you just can't do it...hogwash. I say you can do it, although as you say, you will have a learning curve. It's okay to have a learning curve. If your bosses let you have one. If you can manage to stay there and do a decent job and get a good reference, it can be a springboard to a job you're happier with.

But if you hate the job, anyway, that's a horse of a different color. It might be better to cut your losses and move to a different city, a different job, and just explain to prospective employers that you had made a mistake.

Yes, you were abandoned. The cad. He may have even had an inkling he'd do this, before you left. I wonder if deep down you didn't have a feeling that this was a possibility? I think I may have, way deep down. But it's his loss. And the gain of your future soulmate.

I really suggest the online dating things. My friends think highly of them. You'll meet jerks, but every now and then, a gem. And it's good to go out and date. It'd help if you had a female pal. No friends? Well...you can work on that, too. I have a tendency to be a loner, by nature. I like people and have friends, but I have to make myself be social and ask people out to lunch or a movie. Or even accept an invitation.

I wish you the best. Your situation is so like mine was, that I feel what you are going through. I wish I could make it go away for you. You have it tough right now. But concentrate on the good: You are healthy? You have a job. You have a vehicle? You like the way you look (as much as any woman does)? You have family? You are definitely independent and spunky! You have some positive things going on, so don't forget that.

But I get almost no responses. Not sure why. I suspect they don't like the way I look. I've always suspected that most won't go for me because I'm not "girly" enough.

But I also make no secret of the fact that I want someone intellectual. And they're kind of few and far between, especially here.

I always knew that long-distance relationships were difficult and I thought that it was a possibility that it wouldn't last as a result. But up until Sept. of last year, I thought it was okay. He never voiced any misgivings to me.

Well, all that's water under the bridge now. It's time to figure this out. I promised myself I'd give the job two years at least.

There's someone for everyone. The ones I knew that met their husbands? Neither were beauties, by a long shot. It also depends on which one you do...maybe do more than one.

I'm older now, but I joined a dating service years ago. I didn't get any offers. None. And I was still a bit of a babe back then. I joined another one, and got a fair # of dates, but I didn't click w/anyone. Like I said, I was responsible for not getting remarried. It wasn't a priority for me, and I was pretty damaged from the divorce & didn't want to get involved again, really.

It all has to do with how you worded your info, and your pic. Try a different one! (Sometimes the service has way more women than men....you don't want that one.)

Part of what you miss is the person, yes, but part is the feeling of loving and being loved. It's a hugely important part of life and you naturally connect it to him. But it needn't only be connected to him. I say try to connect to love itself, reach out with it to whatever you can, to those who need it and those who can give it back to you by thriving and passing it on. Volunteer, open a door, get out amongst the people.

Love isn't trying to hurt you. But it won't come after you either. Be brave, Girl.

I'm sure I could find something.

I'm so sorry.