-- A Catholic using protection?" -- Jay Leno

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Don't bend over in the shower.

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The Pope met with the College of Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Shimon Peres, the former leader of Israel.

"Your holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Peres wants to determine whether Jews or Catholics are superior, by challenging you to a golf match."

The Pope was greatly disturbed, as he had never held a golf club in his life.

"Not to worry," said the Cardinal, "We'll call America and talk to Jack Nicklaus. We'll make him a Cardinal, he can play Shimon Peres ... We can't lose!"
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made and, of course, Jack was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of his success in the match. "I came in second, your Holiness," said Nicklaus.

"Second?!" exclaimed the surprised Pope. "You came in second to Shimon Peres?!"

"No," said Nicklaus, "second to Rabbi Woods."

Johnny had cut Joe's hair for 40 years. Joe went into the barbershop one day and announced that he was going to the Vatican. He was going to celebrate mass given by a Pope.

Two weeks later Joe returns to the barbershop but he sits in Danny's chair. "Hey!", says Johnny "Why aren't you in my chair?"

Joe explains. He went to the mass and the doors opened and out walked the Pope. "Greatest moment of my life" says Joe. "Then the Pope stops the mass, he walks away from the balcony.....the doors open to the crowd receiving the mass ...out walks the Pope ....the crowd parts as the Pope walks right up to me.... and then he says, 'Who the fuck cuts your hair?!?!?'"

glad you still got the joke. Hey I never said I was infallible.