Spelling her a couple days (or more) a week would surely be tremendous, whether at home or with her Mom..

I'm glad you have each other, no matter how difficult.

Last edited Thu Feb 28, 2013, 11:25 AM - Edit history (1)

I will check to see if we can swing that. Thanks very much.

Edit: turns out we can't. Still a good idea, though.

check and see if you have coverage for home health...there are agencies that provide only non-medical help like preparing meals, cleaning, running running errands. Perhaps you can get coverage that way...

Poor thing...I have a bum knee, mobile due to shots but hard to do some things. I know this is difficult on you both...just tell her you love her...that'll make up for a lot.

Take care!

I will check into it! Thanks, CherokeeDem!

I've been sporadic on DU for a couple of weeks due to real life...I wondered about your trip and hoped you had a wonderful time.
Sorry this happened but I hope you still had fun.

I hyper-extended my knee in the Keys once, stepped in a hole while wading in the flats...strained my ACL..been there.

Take care!

you could take some of the burden of monitoring her mom's accounts? That would be a major weight off of her mind, if you could just say..."got it covered."

She'd have to get me up to speed, and that itself would be stressful. Plus, I don't think Mom would be comfortable talking about finances with me.

Thanks for the idea, though, Daughter.

Hope you can put some to use... also hoping your knee heals more quickly than you can even dream.

Ask about their family caregiver support program in particular.
Link: http://www.charlescountymd.gov/cs/aging/aging-and-senior-programs

Alternatively, are there any young family members or nearby teenagers who could lend a hand and do errands or cleaning tasks for a few bucks?

I hope everything works out for both of you.

Good ideas all. No one around who can lend a hand, though. I'll check with the county and see about their resources. Mrs. V. herself might qualify for some kind of elder care, being over 60. She might resent it, but if it helps . . . .

Thanks.

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... one of MY major stressors (though I LOVE grocery shopping).
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It's not very expensive (from free to about $12 for delivery charge, depending on whether
I give them a 1- or 2- or 4-hour window in which to deliver).
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Google something like "grocery home delivery (and the name of your town and state)".
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Some stores will shop for you, but only deliver it to your car in their parking lot -- that
would STILL reduce the stress of shopping. A major chain does it here. Sometimes small
mom-and-pop grocery stores do it in their neighborhood.
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I googled, too, and all I got was gowaiter.com and the like.

Great idea, though. Thanks.

car pool with someone who lives near by? Is there something like "Metro Mobility" (on-call vans) in your area? Or are you within a reasonable distance of a lift-equipped bus line?

but there are some real reasons I won't use it. My right leg is in a brace that runs from hip to ankle and prevents my knee from bending. This situation would make bus-riding nearly impossible -- there just is not enough room in a bus for me to move around. (Add to that that I'm morbidly obese; you get the picture.) We live in a small county outside the metropolitan area, and although there are vans that go through the county, they only connect to the commuter buses; they don't go into town themselves.

I'm trying to find someone who can drive me home nights. I think I have a ride halfway home lined up for tonight. I've run through all my slim-chance carpooling possibilities here at work; there are none.

This is a very tough spot.

Thanks for your ideas, Lydia.

Then maybe Mrs. V. would only have to drive you to town -- assuming the communter buses are lift-equipped. (Only fixed-route buses are required to be under ADA.) That way you're sitting in the wheelchair space rather than right next to someone.

Also, you'd be able to get around enough to feed the meow people.

It would add more stress -- getting it in and out of the trunk. I'm getting around with just a cane. It's just that I'm not supposed to be on it much.

Thanks.

I wish I had a magic wand, so I could touch all the sore points in your lives, and cure them...

Alas, I have no good ideas.

Just hugs...

They have the contacts for home help, transportation, meals on wheels and many other services.

Just got out of a long term situation like Mrs. V is in with my husband. It is stressful and difficult. The only thing I can add is keep spreading your wonderful love to her. I know you are doing it but don't let feeling guilty make it all about you, make it about her and how wonderful she is.

Little gifts will lighten a day. Small things like a note stuck somewhere for her to find or a goodie stuck in a drawer with a smiley face note. Sometimes just a look that tells her how special she is. A lipstick smile on the mirror. A peppermint in a shoe. Whatever you can get your hands on just to let her know how wonderful she is to you.

I am certain you are doing all of this but that is just a little observation from the other side.

Take care and get back on your feet soon. It is not easy being on your side of this either!!!

EDIT to make sense!

What about a mother's helper? Well that is what we called it back when the kiddies were small. Put up a flyer and have a teen aged girl come by to feed the cats and other little errands around the house. You probably won't have to pay them a lot, work out a deal , and it helped me when I felt the stress of it all hitting me.

So post that flyer, or on craig list and see what happens. Of course, be careful, but with little jobs out there you might find a 14/15 year old to help after school at the right price.

My husband had to do his parents account for a few years, while I can't assist you in that area, all I can say is I'm sorry and you're not alone. My father-in-law, just passed a few months ago, but while he was alive it stressed my husband greatly.

are classes that require students to do volunteer work within the community. Maybe this would be something they might want to help with. Good luck!

should be able to hook you up with some services.

Also, there are volunteer organizations at the local high schools, or local colleges like someone else suggested, or check with a local church. Even if you are not a member they probably know of someone whose looking to earn a few extra dollars and can get your groceries when they go for their own. Also they may know of someone who may drive in your general direction for work and wouldn't mind "carpooling" to help someone out short term.

Reach out to your community. There are kind people out there who want to help you. You simply have to find them. Your doctor, the local social services organizations, churches, school volunteer groups.



Wish you were closer and I'd help you myself!

candles and bubble bath. That way she can drive you to work then go home and chill in the tub.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”
― Leo Buscaglia

It seems I have nothing but negative responses for most of you. I apologize for that, but it's just that many of your ideas, such as social workers, county programs, etc., either aren't appropriate or aren't available to us. As to having a youngster come in to do small chores, Mrs. V. would veto that. She would feel uncomfortable with someone in the house while she's there alone working; also, she would surely be continuously interrupted by questions.

I like MuseRider's idea of putting notes/little treats/etc. around for her to find. There is a CVS in this building that I can get to without much trouble, and I can pick up some chocolates and other things for this purpose. TY, MR. Applegrove's idea is sweet, although Mrs. V. doesn't make time for such things. I appreciate everyone else's ideas and good wishes.

DU is an amazing place. It still amazes me, after all these years, that there are real people behind these screen names. And most of them are wonderful.